I am working at the entrance of a hospital. My coworkers are sitting near our cart with supplies, and since there isn’t enough room, I’m sitting at a table just across the entryway from them. A patient comes down from a unit in rough shape, walking slowly, kind of hunched over and carrying a catheter bag. 

After being there for a few minutes:

Patient: “Do you guys have a [mumble] bag?”

Coworkers: “A what bag?”

Patient: “An emesis bag.”

My coworkers are silent.

Me: *Blurting out* “Like to throw up!”

They moved pretty quickly after that.

They quickly grabbed her a bag from the cart, and then she staggered outside. 

People who work in my position have a variety of backgrounds and don’t have to have training in medical terminology, especially since we do not provide any kind of patient care. I do have training in terminology, and I’m thankful I remembered what it meant! I’m also surprised the patient used the correct terminology! Hopefully, the patient recovers soon!

I work in a daycare and am currently in the six-month to twelve-month room. One of the eight-month-olds is due for a bottle, so I go to feed him. He refuses the bottle, turning his head away and pushing at the bottle. I don’t want to force it, so I set him back down to try again later. About thirty minutes later, I offer it to him again and get the same response. I figure he ate enough at lunch and will let us know when he’s hungry again.

One of my coworkers sees this and rolls her eyes.

Coworker: “I’ll get him to take the bottle.”

Me: “He’s obviously not hungry yet. Don’t force it.”

She sits there for a long time, forcing the nipple into his mouth, until he eventually gives up and drinks the bottle. She sets him down and looks at me smugly. 

Coworker: “See, I knew I could get him to take it.” 

Cue the baby puking up the entire contents of the bottle. 

Me: “And that’s exactly why I stopped trying to get him to take it.”

I have a coworker who would rather ask forgiveness than permission. I keep two or three pieces of candy in my office because I’m diabetic and sometimes I need it if I overestimate my carb intake and give myself too much insulin. During one of my low blood sugar episodes, I pull a piece of candy from my drawer right as [Coworker] comes by.

As soon as I get up to toss the wrapper, [Coworker] speed-walks to my desk and helps himself to a piece, hurrying to put it in his mouth before I get back to him.

Me: “Uh… excuse you.”

Coworker: *Smiling* “Sharing is caring, [My Name].”

If you’ve never had a low blood sugar episode, you might be unfamiliar with the side effects. My worst side effect is my attitude.

Me: “Well, I don’t care for you. Don’t touch my stuff.”

Coworker: *Slack-jawed* “That’s so rude! What the h*** is wrong with you?”

Me: “What’s wrong with you, going around helping yourself to other people’s things without asking?”

Coworker: “I just wanted a candy! I can’t believe you’re overreacting like this. Really, [My Name], it’s unprofessional.”

Me: *Laughing* “Unprofessional? Let’s go to [Manager] and see who is more unprofessional.”

Coworker: “Okay!”

So, off we go, [Coworker] loudly sucking on the candy the whole way to [Manager]’s office. 

Manager: “How can I—”

Coworker: “[My Name] said she doesn’t like me because I took her candy.”

Manager: *Confused* “Okay… and when did you ask for her candy?”

Coworker: “She should just share!”

Manager: *Half-smiling* “[My Name], why do you have candy in your desk?”

Me: “I’m diabetic.”

Manager: “Right. And did you use company money to buy that candy?”

Me: “No, my own paycheck.”

Manager: “Okay, then. If [My Name] is required to share the candy that she bought with her own money and is in her desk for a medical reason, then you, [Coworker], should pay her for it. I think a starting rate of $5 per piece should be good.”

Coworker: “What?! Absolutely not!”

Manager: “Why? By taking it, you’re lessening the chance that she will be able to save herself in the event of a medical issue.”

Coworker: “I’m not paying that.”

Manager: “Okay.”

[Coworker] grins at me, sticking the piece of candy out between his teeth.

Manager: “Then I’m going to write you up for theft.”

[Coworker] spits the candy in the trash and walks out. 

Manager: “Do you have any candy left?”

Me: “I have more at home but not here.”

[Manager] opens his own drawer and pulls out a whole bag of candy.

Manager: “Take a handful. Don’t tell [Coworker].”

I’m a school custodian. During the summer, the crew and I deep-clean the entire school — cleaning furniture, shampooing carpets, replacing damaged ceiling tiles, everything that goes into preparing the building for the next school year.

One of my coworkers, [Coworker #1], is not fun to work with. He wastes a TON of time playing games or watching videos on the office computer instead of working, and when someone does try to help him catch up, he criticizes their work instead of thanking them for the help. He also “reports” all of his criticisms to our supervisor, who largely blows him off but doesn’t actually do anything disciplinary. Here’s a recent example.

[Coworker #2] and I have removed all the furniture from one classroom where the summer school teacher works. This is pretty much the only day all summer when we can do this particular classroom because, otherwise, it’s in use for summer school. Everybody in the building knows this, including [Coworker #1].

As we always do, [Coworker #2] and I have stacked all the furniture from the classroom in the hallway so we can shampoo the entire carpet in one go. We leave a walking path so people can still get down the hallway, but otherwise, there’s not much room. About ten minutes into the shampooing job, [Coworker #1] pokes his head into the classroom.

Coworker #1: “Hey, guys, you can’t just stack everything in the hallway like this. I need to vacuum the hallway, and I can’t do that with all this stuff in the way.”

Coworker #2: “Well, you’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow. This is the only day we have to get this room clean, because [Summer School Teacher] has class tomorrow again.”

Me: “Aren’t you supposed to be working on [his own actual assignment in a completely different part of the building] today anyway? Why aren’t you down there?”

Coworker #1: “I’m waiting on [whatever] before I do that. I’m vacuuming hallways until I can get to it, but I can’t vacuum with everything out here.”

Me: “[Coworker #2] and I can do the hallway tomorrow when we put everything back in the room.”

Coworker #1: “Well, vacuuming hallways is part of my job, so I’d like to get that done myself. I can’t do it every day, but I have time now, so…”

Me: *Interrupting* “NOT TODAY! You’ve heard [Coworker #2] and me saying for weeks that this is the only day this summer we can get this room done because they have summer school classes every other day. Either wait until tomorrow or leave it for [Coworker #2] and me to do it later.”

[Coworker #1] sulked a bit and made a grand show of vacuuming the lone walking path between all the furniture before disappearing. Later that day, when [Coworker #2] and I were on our break, we walked past our supervisor’s office and heard him chewing out [Coworker #1] for getting in our way instead of working on his own assignment.

We are on a work outing; everyone has ordered and the food eventually comes out.

Waiter: “Who had the steak?”

I go to speak up but get interrupted.

Coworker #1: “I did, I think. Oh, I can’t remember. Yes, that must be it.”

I let her have it, assuming mine will be out soon. Everyone gets their dinner, and the waiter brings one more.

Waiter: “Who had the chicken?”

Nothing.

Waiter: “Someone ordered the chicken?”

Me: “I ordered steak.”

Waiter: “Are you sure you didn’t order the chicken? I have only one dish left.”

Me: “That has celery; I can’t eat it. [Coworker #1], what did you order?”

Coworker #1: “The steak.”

Coworker #2: “I think you ordered the chicken, [Coworker #1].”

Coworker #1: “Oh, did I? Sorry.” *Laughs*

Me: “Well, I can’t eat that. How long for the steak?”

Waiter: “There will be a bit of a wait.”

Me: “That’s fine. If I could get what I ordered, that would be great.”

It was a wait. Everyone had finished their meal before I got mine. [Coworker #1] then tried to refuse to pay for the chicken meal she ordered. Then, she only wanted to pay for the chicken. She threatened to leave the restaurant but quickly sat down when reminded that she still represented the company and would be disciplined.