The Only Victim Is Productivity

, , , , | Working | August 23, 2017

(We have an (admittedly very attractive) woman working in my office. She spends most of the day online or at the coffee machine. I’ve noticed this getting even worse as she has started to take two lunch breaks and generally do very little work. She gets away with it as all the guys (apart from me) fawn over her, rush to be the first to buy her a coffee, or help her out. Being snowed under this starts to irritate me, but I keep my nose out of it until I’m told that she now works with me to help with my work.)

Me: “Can you send me over [Report] when you finish it, please?”

Woman: “Oh, [Guy] is doing it.”

Me: “But it’s not his job!”

Woman: “I know but I was struggling and he offered.”

Me: “Okay, well, can you update [Presentation] like I showed you, and send it to me, please?”

Woman: “Yeah, I guess.”

(I get on with my own work. An hour later I still don’t have the email; it should only take 15 minutes. Another hour later, still nothing. I look up to find she has disappeared! I give her another half hour before I go to look for her. I find her chatting in another office.)

Me: “Have you finished my presentation yet?”

Woman: *looking at me like I have asked the most stupid question* “No, I’ll do it in a bit.”

Me: “Well, I need it by the end of the day.”

(Before I even finished she had turned away and started chatting again. Her attitude carried on for a full nine months, while the whole time I was getting stick for not completing my work. Then our boss was replaced with a woman who was immune to her charm. The worker put in a complaint with HR but it was thrown out. She left feeling “victimised” for being asked to do her job.)

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They’re Really Big Down Under

, , , , | Working | August 22, 2017

(There are two women I’ve never met who work in cubicles across the aisle from me. They sit at their desks and call to one another through the partitions constantly, which results not only in me knowing far more about their personal lives than I ever cared to, but also some unintended hilarity like this.)

Coworker #1: “Oh, oh, have you tried them yet?”

Coworker #2: “Yes! Well, I tried one.”

Coworker #1: “I really like the long ones. I didn’t like the big ones as much. Where are they from?”

Coworker #2: “Australia? Or New Zealand? Something like that. I haven’t tried the big one yet.”

(No, I don’t know what they were talking about, but probably not what it sounded like!)

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HR Is Sexier Than You Think

, , , , , | Working | August 22, 2017

(This happens to my husband. One of his male coworkers, Coworker #1, in the warehouse where he works, has a birthday that week so there is a card going around for everyone to sign. Since he is good friends with Coworker #1, he jokingly writes ‘happy birthday, you sexy bitch’ in the card and then passes it along. About 20 minutes later, he is talking to a different coworker.)

Coworker #2: “Hey, did you sign the card for [Older Female Employee in HR]?”

(She is way on the other side of the casino and they have never given a card to her before, so he didn’t know it is her birthday.)

Husband: “No, but I signed [Coworker #1]’s.”

Coworker #2: “We don’t have one for him yet, though. Only [HR Employee].”

Husband: “…Oh, my god.”

(He runs to his manager.)

Husband: “DO YOU STILL HAVE THE CARD FOR [HR employee]?!”

Manager: “Yeah, why?”

Husband: “BECAUSE I WROTE ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, YOU SEXY B****’ IN IT!”

Manager: “What?! Why?!”

Husband: *taking the card and furiously scribbling out the inappropriate message* “BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT WAS FOR [COWORKER #1]!”

Manager: *laughing* “You’re lucky I hadn’t sent it over yet.”

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Very Bad Reception: After-School Special

, , , , | Working | August 21, 2017

(Some years back, my high school was evacuated due to someone holding a classroom hostage, not that we knew it at the time. It had started out as a fire drill, but it was clear something was very wrong. I was one of several students who decided to go home instead of waiting around for the all clear as an hour had already passed by this time and it seemed unlikely it’d happen. My mother worked close to the high school and usually picks me up, and I didn’t have a cell-phone then, so soon as I got home I called her company.)

Receptionist: *gives the company spiel* “How can I direct your call?”

Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I want to leave a message for [Mother] in the [Contracted Company]’s call center. Please tell her there’s some kind of incident at the high school up the street and we had to leave early. ”

Receptionist: “Sure, hon. Bye.” *click*

(My mother ended up arriving home a half-hour later than normal looking extremely stressed out.)

Mother: “Where were you?!”

Me: “You didn’t get the message?”

Mother: “What message?”

Me: “I called the company and told the receptionist what happened and to tell you I wouldn’t be there.”

Mother: “WHAT? I never got the message! There was a shooting at the school and she didn’t think it was important to pass it on?!”

Me: “What?! That’s what happened? No wonder you looked so upset!”

Mother: “Thank god you’re okay, but… what the f***?!”

(The day after she complained, and apparently that receptionist had several similar calls and failed to pass any of them on. I’d like to think she got terminated.)

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Tip Of The Hat Towards Karma

, , , , | Working | August 20, 2017

(I work at a restaurant doing carryout. It’s our down time, so all employees are supposed to help out wherever they’re needed. The girl who’s on checker does not get up to help at all. Mind you, I’m on carryout by myself and five different customers come up all at once. I grab a different coworker to come help me. While this coworker is taking an order, the phone rings and she puts it on hold.)

Coworker: “[My Name], there’s an order on the phone.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll get it in a minute.”

Lazy Coworker: “Who’d you say it was on the phone?”

Coworker: “[Regular Customer].”

(Mind you, Regular Customer always tips.)

Lazy Coworker: “I’ll get it!”

(When Regular Customer came to pick up his food, he did not tip! She only helped out to try and get that tip and he didn’t even tip this time! Karma.)

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