No one likes [Coworker] at work. She is a suck-up and she’s terrible at her job. Any time she gets called out, she shifts the blame onto someone else or just tattles on them. It doesn’t even get her out of trouble; it just gets two people into hot water.

From her constant whining, it appears that [Coworker] has decided that she doesn’t want to work all her agreed hours anymore. She sees other people starting late or finishing early and expects to be able to do the same, even though those people don’t actually work any less; they make up their hours at another time.

The first I hear about this is from a text from her manager.

Manager: “Can you join us in meeting room one? You are going to want to hear this.”

I go and find [Coworker] sitting there with [Manager].

Manager: “Why don’t you repeat what you said to me?”

Coworker: “I don’t see why I have to work all these hours when [My Name] gets to come and go as he pleases.”

Me: “Whoa, where did this come from?”

Manager: “She has a log.”

She brandishes her notebook, and I go and grab my diary from my desk.

Me: “Okay, go ahead.”

Coworker: “May 24th, you didn’t show up for work. Didn’t book a holiday.”

Me: “I was with a customer, approved in advance.”

Coworker: “Okay. Well, on June 7th, you left two hours early.”

Me: “I caught a flight for work purposes.”

Coworker: “Well… Well, June 21st, you arrived late every day that week. And I know you didn’t get stuck in traffic because you came in with coffee.”

Me: “I spent the weekend here and I took my hours back as Time Off In Lieu.”

She frantically searches her little notebook.

Me: “We done here?”

Manager: “Yes. Thank you for your help, as always.”

I left but could hear her manager explaining that everyone has different work patterns, and yes, she could work fewer hours, but she would get paid less. It clearly didn’t happen because she was back at her desk on time the next day.

[Coworker #1] has worked here for years. Everyone goes to him for how to do things. But after properly looking into it, it becomes apparent that [Coworker #1] is only doing things the fast way, not the right way. While it gets things done, it causes huge delays for others later down the line.

[Coworker #1], however, is completely in denial. He knows best and everyone who tells him differently just needs to listen to him.

I walk in halfway through him telling a story

Coworker #1: “So, I tell him, ‘That’s the way I’ve been doing it since before you even started.’”

Coworker #2: “What did he say?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, something about the new process being better. But what does he know?!”

Coworker #2: “Yeah, some manager comes in and tries to change everything. He should do the job himself for a while and learn it himself!”

Me: “You’re not talking about the customer requests, are you?”

Coworker #1: “Oh, has he had a go at you, as well?”

Me: “No, I’ve spent the last three days going through each of them and setting up their contact details.”

Coworker #1: “Sounds like a waste of time to me.”

Me: “It’s a waste of everyone’s time. That’s why he’s asking you to spend two seconds filling out the system properly. It takes us hours to go back and fix things.”

Coworker #1: “Well, if it’s such a problem, why hasn’t anyone said anything before now?”

Me: “The sales team used to spend hours every day messing around trying to find the info and not selling.”

Coworker #1: “Well, let them. They get paid enough.”

Me: “They get paid to sell, to make the company money, not do your job for you — nor do I.”

Coworker #1: “I’ve been doing it this way for years, and I’m not changing anything!”

Three weeks later, [Coworker #1] was pulled into Human Resources as he constantly ignored his manager’s instructions. He was told to do it the right way or be disciplined. He still tried to get away with doing it his way and was given some unpaid time off work to consider his position at the company.

A few months later, everyone was doing it to process and the sales guys had the time to actually sell and did show more sales.

The fast food restaurant I work at closes at 11:00 pm. It’s about 9:00 pm when a customer walks in.

Coworker: “We’re closed!”

Customer: “Oh, sorry. Goodnight, then.”

The customer then turns around and leaves.

Me: “What the f***, [Coworker]? Why’d you do that?”

Coworker: *Completely shocked* “I didn’t think he’d do that! I was just trying to show [Coworker #2] that customers never f****** listen, and then one actually did! Who would have seen that coming?”

He wasn’t wrong, but our manager still decided to fire him for mucking around at work.

[Coworker] thinks he is the funniest guy in the company, despite several complaints and several warnings from Human Resources about it. He has the unchangeable opinion that he “should be able to make jokes about anything” and “if you don’t like it, then you just need to lighten up.”

The problem is that he chooses deliberately sensitive subjects and he’s not even funny, just offensive. I doubt he believes the things he says; he’s just trying to be funny or liked. But it often has the opposite effect.

We are in a training session and [Coworker] won’t stop making stupid comments and cracking jokes. It gets to the point where no one can hear the trainer speak and everyone is clearly getting frustrated.

Me: “[Coworker], just shut up, okay? We are trying to listen.”

Coworker: “Oh, please. This is all obvious, anyway. Lighten up, will you?! Sheesh.”

He stops right up until the first break, so I leave it be. We come back and [Coworker] instantly makes a “joke” about white people and compares me to a slaver. It’s only me and three other learners in the room who are white.

Me: “Seriously, [Coworker]? Not okay!”

Coworker: “What? You don’t get to be offended.”

Trainer: “Everyone, please! I am trying to deliver a training session. I’m not sure what [Company] thinks about all this, but I need you to pay attention and keep talking to a minimum.”

We struggled through the rest of the day with minimal interruptions. After the session, I stayed back, thanked the trainer, and apologised for what happened.

The next day, [Coworker] wasn’t in, but he often has random holidays. After a week, I asked around. It turned out the trainer made a complaint directly to the head of HR. Being external to the company, they took it very seriously, and [Coworker] was suspended without pay.

I was asked if I wanted to make a complaint but I explained that I just wanted him to stop. They said that they would “make that happen,” and to be fair, when he did come back, the stupid jokes disappeared, and it was so much easier to get along with him.

My first experience working retail was also my last; the customers were bad but the staff were worse. There were some good people there, but they were in the minority. Most staff didn’t care about anything and wouldn’t cross the street to help you.

I was put with [Coworker] to learn the ropes. After an hour, I was sick of him. He wouldn’t train me or even talk to me; if I asked a question he would shrug or tell me to figure it out.

We were restocking shelves. [Coworker] wouldn’t let me help because I was doing it “wrong” but wouldn’t say how to do it “right”. I think I was doing it too quickly for him and he wanted to take as long as possible.

A man acting oddly walked past us both. A moment later, he knocked the stuff from [Coworker]’s hands, grabbed the charity collection from the till, and ran for it.

Not long later:

Manager: “Did anyone get a good look at him? [Coworker], he was near you.”

[Coworker] shrugged.

Manager: “What does that mean? Did you get a look or not?”

Coworker: “I don’t know, maybe. Does it matter?”

Me: “He stole from charity. Yeah, it matters.”

Coworker: “Doesn’t affect me, though, does it?!”

Me: “I got a look at the guy. I’m happy to give the details if I can swap partners.”

Manager: “I think that’s probably fair. Come to my office.”

I gave a description, and I think they caught the guy, getting most of the money back. I lasted six more months until I moved for university.

What’s worse is I found out the charity collection was for a dementia charity, something that both of [Coworker]’s grandparents struggled with.