I’m getting ready for a company event when [Coworker] calls. 

Coworker: “I need you to come and pick me up.”

He lives about twenty minutes in the opposite direction of the event and has his own vehicle. I know he’s been trying to get people to give him a ride so he won’t have to drive and he’ll be free to drink as much as he wants.

Me: “Why?”

Coworker: “Carpooling is good for the environment.”

Me: “Okay, then you come and get me.”

Coworker: “No! Come on, [My Name]. Just help me.”

Me: “Are you going to pay me for the gas for the extra forty minutes per trip?”

Coworker: “F*** no!”

Me: “There’s your answer, then.”

I hung up. [Coworker] arrived an hour late, blaming everyone who refused to pick him up.

My manager has just reamed a coworker for sitting down on the clock when none of his tasks are done. We’re about to hit shift change so there are some things that NEED to be done before a certain time. [Coworker] gets back to work but passes me sitting down in the break room.

Coworker: *To the manager* “How come she gets to sit down?”

Manager: “Because [My Name] is done with all of her tasks. In fact, she did all of her tasks, some of yours, and a few of mine. She gets to sit down when we don’t have customers.”

Coworker: “But that’s not fair! I have to work and she gets to sit down!”

Manager: “No, what’s not fair is that you were sitting down when there was still work to be done — your own work, which you still have not finished — and she was standing, trying to help you do it after lending me a hand and finishing her own tasks. You can sit down when you’re done.”

Coworker: “No, it’s not fair! I’m telling [Head Manager] about your favoritism first thing in the morning.”

I wasn’t there for it, but apparently, the head manager watched the tapes and saw that I was able to complete my tasks and help the others while [Coworker] played around on his phone and ignored everyone else around him working. He got written up. I got a bonus.

I was due to emigrate, but unfortunately, things were delayed. After a while, with money tight, I took a temporary job, any job I could find. It was particularly hard to find part-time work as no one wanted to hire an engineering manager to stack shelves or flip burgers.

But I found a supermarket nearby and got the job.

I’m pretty used to working hard in every job I do, so I did the same in this role. I was the first one there and the last one out. I took any job and task just to keep busy. I wasn’t trying to impress; it’s just the person I am.

I got a lot of hate from my coworkers; they saw me as a suck-up and a try-hard, no matter how much I tried to explain. But truly, I didn’t care what they said. In a month or two, I would be gone; they could hate me if they wanted for a while.

On the other hand, the management loved me; I didn’t call in sick, I worked without complaint, and I did as many hours as I could. In turn, I got the first pick on hours which, again, didn’t make me popular. 

Coworker: “Oh, I see someone got the weekend shift again.”

I ignore him.

Coworker: “Why is that, huh? Huh, bootlicker?”

Me: “Oh, talking to me? Well, if I had to guess, don’t be a massive screw-up who makes the same mistakes day in, day out.”

Coworker: “Mr. Perfect doesn’t make mistakes? Oh, why can’t we all be like Mr. Perfect?”

Me: “You put the stock in the right aisle; it’s not rocket science. How you manage to screw it up so often is beyond me.”

One of the managers walks in behind [Coworker]. I shut up. [Coworker] doesn’t.

Coworker: “Oh, so easy, that’s why you couldn’t do your own job? Why is it they fired you from your fancy engineering job?”

Manager: “[Coworker]!”

Coworker: “Some dumba** comes down here and sucks the d**k of these f***y, stupid, idiot managers.”

Manager: “[Coworker]!”

Coworker: *Finally turning around* “What? Oh, look who’s getting in trouble again!”

[Coworker] was led away; he didn’t return. With [Coworker] gone, the atmosphere changed, and suddenly, everyone was a lot friendlier. I made a few friends before I left. It’s amazing what one person can do to make life so difficult.

The work cafeteria is always overly generous with the little sauce sachets. Rather than putting them in the bin, I put them in my desk. Apparently, this is “weird” according to [Coworker] and a sign of hoarding. I have at most six; if I don’t get through them, someone will forget to pick one up and I give them one from my drawer.

I’ve been on a diet recently, so I have been bringing in my own lunch.

Coworker: *Sighs* “Do you have any tomato sauce?”

Me: “No, sorry.”

Coworker: “You didn’t even look!”

Me: “No, but I know I don’t have any.”

Coworker: *Shouting* “Liar! You have hundreds in there! Now, suddenly, I ask for one and you run out?!”

Me: “Apparently so.”

Coworker: “Right! I’m not having this!”

She marches off and returns with a very confused woman from HR.

HR Employee: “What is this all about?”

[Coworker] looks at me with a smug expression.

Me: “[Coworker] asked to have some sauce, but I don’t have any.”

HR Employee: “Sorry, what?”

Coworker: “He’s lying. He has loads. He’s a hoarder!”

Me: *To the HR employee* “You can look if you like?”

I open the drawer I do have the odd packet but no sauce.

HR Employee: “Okay, well… I don’t really see an issue here. [Coworker], can you walk with me?”

I don’t know what is said, but it looks like [Coworker] has a bit of a reality check. I think the matter solved, but then I’m invited to another meeting with a senior HR staff.

Senior HR: “I presume you know why you’re here?”

Me: “I guess, but it all seems a bit of a waste of time.”

Senior HR: “I would agree, but a complaint has been made and I need to review it with you.”

Me: “Okay? So, [Coworker] complained that I didn’t give her my property, which I didn’t have.”

Senior HR: “Pretty much.”

Me: “So…? Was there anything else to discuss?”

Senior HR: “No. Thanks for taking the time to see me. I will recommend that this matter is dropped and [Coworker] apologises.”

Me: “Oh, that’s it? Great, thanks.”

[Coworker] never apologised but did at least avoid me from then on. Little victories.

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], can I ask you something?”

Me: “Sure, what’s up?”

Coworker: “When my girlfriend says she doesn’t want anything for her birthday, what should I get her?”

Me: “Uh, I dunno, probably nothing if that’s what she said?”

Coworker: “But I know she wants something!”

Me: “I’ve never met her, so I have no idea what that would be.”

Coworker: “Well, when you tell your boyfriend you don’t want anything for your birthday, what do you expect?”

Me: “Nothing?”

Coworker: *Scoffs* “Oh, come on! You’d be pissed!”

Me: “Uh, no, I wouldn’t? I don’t play those kinds of games.”

Coworker: “Yeah, right. I’ll just go ask [Other Female Coworker].”

I realize there are women who play these games, but given how insistent he was that ALL women do it, I do wonder if his girlfriend really fell into that category.