(I’m talking to a courier representative.)

Representative: “It says here that it was put into lockup for the weekend, and now they can’t find it.”

Me: “So, it’s lost, then.”

Representative: “No, no. It’s not lost; they just can’t find it.”

Me: “I know you’re a courier company and this is the last thing you want to say, but if the depot cannot find it, it means they lost it.”

(It is a Tuesday, the morning of the terror attack at the Brussels airport and metro system. A customer, who has a next-day air shipping label for a piece of artwork going to Brussels, calls our center. The store owner takes the call.)

Customer: “Will my package still get there tomorrow? Even with the terror attacks that happened? All the bombings?”

Store Owner: “Probably not, seeing as it’s going to the Brussels airport, which is closed right now.”

Customer: “But I have a next-day air label! I need it to get there! My client paid specifically for next-day shipping!”

Store Owner: “I’m sure your client will understand. There is no possible way for this to get there by tomorrow.”

Customer: “You’re not understanding me! This needs to get there tomorrow!“

Store Owner: “You’re not understanding. You know there was a terrorist attack there just hours ago, and I know that you know that because that’s what you started this conversation with. Their airport is closed. I can’t go open the airport, and with the attacks there this morning, I wouldn’t even if I could!”

Customer: *long pause* “Could it get there by the end of the week? Say… Friday?”

Store Owner: “If the airport has reopened by then, we could send it out for you. I can’t — and won’t — promise you that it will get there by Friday right now.”

Customer: “This is the worst experience I’ve ever had. I need you to get this to my client by Friday, and I want my money back for shipping!”

(The store owner wound up giving her the shipping company’s customer service number and told her to call them because he was getting nowhere with her.)

(My niece’s birthday is in January, and for her birthday present, my sister offers to order her a customized ring. It takes my niece a while to decide, but they put the order in right before Valentine’s Day. Finally, at the beginning of March, the ring is shipped out and set to be delivered to the apartments where my sister and I live. Unfortunately, the delivery date happens to be the same day the east coast is slammed by a nor’easter.)

Sister: “Did you happen to bring in a package for me today? A small one, probably less than a pound?”

Me: “Uh, no? Why?”

Sister: “I was expecting [Niece]’s ring today, and I got an email saying it was delivered around five o’clock today, but I can’t find it.”

Me: “It wasn’t between the storm door and front door?”

Sister: “No, it wasn’t, and the tracking info says it was left on the porch.”

Me: “What? In these winds? There are news reports of the winds knocking down entire trees around town! What kind of idiot leaves a one-pound package on an exposed porch in a nor’easter?!”

Sister: “Your guess is as good as mine.”

(Needless to say, my sister now gets the joy of jumping through hoops to get a replacement.)

(I work at a store for a major shipping company. We sell packaging supplies, and have over forty different sized boxes. Corporate only allows us to display a very specific selection of boxes, and we’re only allowed to display up to six at a time. It’s near Christmas time, so we’re quite busy. One of my coworkers calls me up to help someone figure out what size box he wants to buy.)

Customer: “I need to buy a box.”

Me: “Great! Do you know about what size box you’re looking for?”

Customer: “Just get me the same one I bought last time.”

Me: “I’m not the one who helped you the last time you were in, so I’m not sure what size box you bought. I can help you figure out a size, though; what is it that you’re putting in the box?”

Customer: “Uh… Well… We can figure this out. It was a box that was big, but not so big. It was a good size, though, you know? And it was definitely a rectangle, not a square. Maybe you could just show me all of them?”

Me: “We have over forty different box sizes for sale, ranging from six inches by six inches by six inches, all the way up to three feet by three feet by three feet. Here’s a list of all of the sizes, or if you want to look at the display, you can tell me if the box you’re looking for was bigger or smaller than the sixteen cube over there.”

Customer: *pushes the box list away without looking at it* “No, it wasn’t one of those. It wasn’t a square. Hmm… How to do this? Could you just bring up one of each of your boxes and show me? I’ll know it when I see it!”

Me: *looking at the line of customers still waiting to be helped* “Realistically, no. Especially during the Christmas rush, I can’t show you all of our boxes. I’ll grab you a pretty commonly-used size, and you can tell me if you want to go bigger or smaller.”

Customer: *heavy sigh* “Fine, we can do it your way… but I still think I need to see them all so I can compare them. I’ll know it when I see it!”

(I go to the back and grab a box that’s twenty inches by fifteen inches by nine inches, and bring it back up to him.)

Customer: “No, that definitely wasn’t it… You know, it might have been this sixteen by sixteen by sixteen? Or maybe the eighteen by eighteen by eighteen? One of the ones on display.”

Me: “Okay! Did you want to buy the sixteen and the eighteen, or just one of them?”

Customer: “I guess I need both… It was definitely one of them, though! Actually, wait, it wasn’t a square, was it? Now that I’m thinking about it, it might have been close to a square…”

Me: “I’ll be right back up!”

(I go to the back again, and grab a box that’s eighteen inches by fourteen inches by fourteen inches.)

Me: “Was it this one?”

Customer: “YES! I think so.”

Me: “All right, so you’re just getting the eighteen by fourteen by fourteen, right?”

Customer: “Umm… No… I think I need all that I looked at. It was definitely one of these three, though! I’m almost positive it was one of them.”

(I work as a delivery driver, so I sometimes stop in awkward places, such as permit-only bays. One day I have to stop in such a place. I make my delivery as quick as possible, but when I come out I see a traffic warden eyeing up my van, about to give me a ticket.)

Me: “Hey, sorry. I was just delivering a parcel. I’m just leaving.”

Traffic Warden: “I’ve started doing the ticket now, mate. Sorry.”

(I look at my watch and it’s nearly lunchtime.)

Me: “It’s nearly midday. If I give you a chocolate bar and a can of soda, could you possibly turn a blind eye to this?”

Traffic Warden: *thinks for a moment* “Okay, just this once.”

(He walked off with the food and I got in my van, happy I got away without a parking ticket. But as I drove off, I realised I gave him my own lunch!)