A customer comes in who is an every-day regular. They get the same thing, so I pre-empt their order.

Me: “Extra strong latte with soy milk and hazelnut?”

Regular: *Looking annoyed* “How did you know that?”

Me: “I remember you, sir, and you get the same thing every morning.”

Regular: “Are you accusing me of being predictable?!”

Me: “I’m just saying that… you have a routine, sir. I meant nothing by it.”

Regular: “Well, I don’t like it! I don’t like you thinking you know me!”

Me: “I don’t, sir. But from now on, I’ll ensure you ask for your drink without us guessing it.”

Regular: “Well, I’m going to show you! I’ll just have a regular latte today!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Regular: “But put in an extra shot; I need the caffeine.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Regular: “And make sure you use soy milk! I’m lactose intolerant!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Regular: “And maybe add a pump of hazelnut. Your coffee is so bitter!”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

Regular: “Ha! See! You thought you had me, didn’t you?!”

And with that, he paid for his totally-different-than-usual drink.

The next morning, he had completely forgotten who I was and was back to ordering the same way.

Me: “Extra strong mocha for Daniel!”

Customer: “I didn’t want a mocha!”

Me: “Are you Daniel?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Then this isn’t your drink.”

Customer: “Why did you make a drink I didn’t want?”

Me: “Because it’s a drink that someone else wanted.”

Customer: “Why would you make a drink that someone else wants?”

Me: “Because… we have lots of customers.”

The customer looks around the coffee shop, as if for the first time, and notices all the other customers either waiting for their drinks or already enjoying them. He has a mini personal revelation.

Customer: “Has it always been that way?”

Me: “…Yes?”

He then walked away, without his coffee, just staring at nothing blankly. He never came back.

I am attending Comic-Con and am marveling at all the amazing cosplays. I didn’t have much time to put something together, so I am a simple ‘Mr. Spock’ with the blue uniform, pointy ears, bowl-cut wig, and a tricorder.

I am grabbing a coffee in a small place outside the convention center (waaaaay too overpriced inside!) and the manager suddenly beams when he looks at me.

Manager: “Finally, someone I recognize!”

Me: *Raises eyebrow in Spock fashion.*

Manager: “I mean all these costumes have been amazing but it’s all anime this and videogame that and I don’t know what any of them are supposed to be… but you… you’re Mr. Speck aren’t you?”

Me: “Oooooh, so close.”

Today is Star Trek Day! Get your fix of more Star Trek-themed stories with our Star Trek Roundup! LLAP!

I work at a coffee shop inside of a bike shop. I have a sign that says, “I AM ON MY LUNCH,” on one side and, “I AM TAKING TEN MINUTES TO RESTOCK AND CATCH UP,” on the other. The number of people who just stand and stare at me is astounding.

Sometimes, I’ll even tell folks, “Sorry, I’m on my lunch,” and point out the sign, and they’ll go, “Oh, that’s fine. I just need a coffee.”

Facepalm.

Customer: “Cappuccino, no foam.”

Me: “So, a latte?”

Customer: “Did I ask for a latte?”

Me: “Technically, you did.”

Related:
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 10
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 9
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 8
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 7
Cappuccino-No-No, Part 6