I’m working as a trainee in a library. I’m sitting behind the desk, processing a pile of reserved books, when an older customer with a child around age five or six, her grandchild, comes to borrow books. After the borrowing is done, I hand her books and her library card.

Customer: “Thank you.”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Customer: *To her grandchild* “What do you say?”

Grandchild: *Not really paying attention* “You’re welcome!”

I work at a boarding kennel looking after dogs while their owners are away. It’s been a particularly busy day where the reception bell has not stopped ringing to alert me to a new customer either collecting or dropping off their dog while I try and race around in between exercising, cleaning, and feeding the dogs currently in our care.

I’ve just handed one dog over to its owner and I turn around to see a young boy march straight through the “staff only” door at the back of reception. I quickly give chase while his mother is apparently oblivious to the fact her crotch-goblin has wandered off.

Me: “Excuse me, can you go back to your mum in reception, please? This area is staff only.”

Boy: “I just want to say hello.”

He starts yelling, “Hello!” at every dog he sees.

Me: “Sorry, but you can’t be back here; you need to go back to reception now.”

Boy: “I’m saying hello.”

I am internally screaming and trying to body block him, knowing that further down this path is a dog that cannot be trusted.

Me: “All right, you’ve said hello; now go back to your mother. This area is staff only!”

Back in reception, the boy’s mother didn’t even seem to notice he’d been gone. In fairness to her, he was definitely old enough to read “staff only” and just chose to be a brat instead, but I really do not want to get into trouble or potentially lose my job because some brat hasn’t been taught to behave and gets bitten.

My daughter is of kindergarten age and is invited to a birthday party. If you’ve been there, you know what nightmare they are. There are about twenty kids from the classroom, plus their parents and siblings, plus the birthday kid’s relatives and family friends. Cue over three hours of barely controlled chaos.

Needless to say, when it’s finally time to cut the cake, the ladies in charge of doing so are taking no nonsense: they hack away at the cake, slam the pieces on plates, and pass them to the nearest person that has a pair of serviceable hands.

My daughter, however, has picked just this moment to get finicky.

Daughter: “I want the corner piece with the candy flower.”

Me: “We can try, but the ladies are busy. Don’t be mad, okay?”

Unfortunately, she’s given a regular piece, instead. Tired and upset from the long afternoon, she decides to throw a fit. She starts crying so loudly, it catches the attention of the cake-cutting lady.

Cake Lady: “Oh, poor dear. What happened?”

Me: “She was after the corner piece.”

Cake Lady: “Oh, this one? That’s all right.”

Instead of swapping plates, the lady picked up the candy flower and planted it onto the piece on my daughter’s plate… sending her into another fit. I tried to console her but it was no use; she was holding her plate with white-knuckled hands, bawling uncontrollably at the injustice of it all.

Then, a passing toddler picked up the candy flower from her piece of cake, stuffed it in her mouth happily, and kept going. My daughter was so affronted she could barely breathe. There was nothing left to do at this point but laugh. I wish I’d had my camera ready.

I work as a lifeguard at a popular waterpark. I’m stationed just about forty feet away from the entrance to the lazy river. A boy runs and jumps in next to my stand, breaking several rules at once.

Me: “Hey! Do not ever jump into this river again! Use the entrance like everyone else!”

Kid: “I know! I’m sorry! Jesus!”

I let him float on. Some people just make that mistake even though it’s common knowledge. About three minutes later, I see a lifeguard floating down past me with the kid in tow.

Me: “What happened? You need help?”

Lifeguard: “No. Kid climbed out next to my stand and jumped in. Hit his arm on the island.”

Me: “He jumped in at my stand, too, and I told him not to break any more rules.”

Boy: “F*** you! He’s lying!”

Lifeguard: “We don’t really lie to each other. I’m getting security and you can explain it to them.”

I found out later that the kid had been breaking major rules all day and running off before anyone could get him, and he even got a little kid hurt as a result. Security escorted him and his family out of the park and gave them all a lifetime ban.

A woman and two little boys come to the counter and I begin to ring them out. I’m making casual chit-chat with the woman when she looks down and gasps.

Customer: “No! Put that back!”

I see her take candy out of the youngest boy’s pocket and put it back on the shelf.

Customer: “Sorry, he’s a little thief, and he’s so sneaky about it you don’t usually notice until it’s too late.”

I laugh and look at the boy, who must be about three years old. He looks at me very seriously and I stop laughing. The woman pushes him back so he isn’t so close to the counter and we continue the transaction.

I watch the boy out of the corner of my eye and he, little by little, gets closer to the counter again. Once again, the woman catches him red-handed and takes the things from his pockets and apologizes. I can’t help but laugh as this is oddly adorable, especially since the boy is so serious in attitude.

She leaves after I ring her out and I start to tell my coworker what happened when the woman rushes back in the store. Flustered, she sets two lollipops on the counter. 

Customer: “He almost made off with these.”

Me: “Thank you for bringing them back!”