I work in the parts department of a [Brand #1] car dealership. We have a small crew with only three employees, plus a manager. We recently had one of our coworkers quit to move on to new opportunities, and as you do, our manager hired a new employee. We hired a guy who previously worked at a [Brand #2] car dealership. He seems a little shy and quiet when he shows up, but I think nothing of it. I’d be more uneasy if he was loud, boisterous, and buddy-buddy on the first day.

We get to training, and we ask the usual first-day questions. All his answers are short and curt. No follow-up. No back and forth. No questions. Quiet guy, still all good in my brain.

Being the most senior employee, training falls in my realm of responsibilities. I start training him. I know I can be a bit fast in explaining things, and there are a lot of acronyms and odd three-letter commands to use our software. Sometimes I feel like Robin Williams bellowing out acronyms like in that one scene in “Good Morning Vietnam”. I make sure to stop myself regularly to ask, “Am I going too fast?”, “Does this make sense?”, “Any questions?” Again, his answers are short and curt, and he seems to be following along.

After coming back from lunch, we hop back to it. A parts request comes through the computer: something simple, like an oil change. Even on day one, it’s pretty easy stuff, and he said he’s used our software before.

New Hire:  “What do I do again?”  

I slowly realize he’s not retained much from the morning.

Me: “Click on [Software].”

He clicks on the wrong tab.

New Hire: “This one?”

Me: “No, [software]”

He clicks on the web browser.

New Hire: “This one?”

Me: “No, [Software]. The green one.”

He clicks on a red tab.

New Hire: “This one?”

My optimist brain thinks, “Okay, he could be colourblind maybe. My bad.” So I point.

Me: “This one.”

New Hire: “Okay.” *Clicks* “What do I do again?” 

Conversations like this happen again and again all afternoon, with both me and my other veteran coworker. I do my best to keep my patience, to stay positive, and overall, to be courteous. I do not just show him how to do it; I make him do it — on the job training. Alas, there’s not much improvement by day’s end.

I’m a bit torn. The pessimist in my brain says, “Not the best hire we’ve had in a while.” The optimist asks, “Could just be day-one jitters. Were you a rockstar on day one?” No, I was not, but I was better than that. Tomorrow, we shall train anew. New day, new opportunities!

I have the early shift, starting at 7:30 am, my veteran coworker starts at 8:00, and the new hire is due to start at 8:30. But 9:00 am rolls around and no new hire. Car troubles? Sick? Slept in? Happens to the best of us, even on your second day. Hope he’s okay. Thanks, optimist brain.

Then, my manager strolls on by.

Manager: “What happened with the new guy yesterday?”

Me: “What?” 

Coworker: “Uhh, [My Name] trained him?”  

Manager: “Well, he just called and said he quit.”

Me: “Wait! What? Why?”

Manager: “That’s why I’m here. He called in and said he wasn’t coming back in. I asked him why he wasn’t coming back, and his answer was just, ‘Ask your employees,’ and he hung up. What did you guys do?”

Me: “I made him work?”

My manager just shrugged and gave us a look that said, “Not your problem, his. We’re good.” [New Hire] still comes up in conversation from time to time, and to this day, we are still trying to figure out what we did to offend him so much. Did he expect his first day to be a lazy orientation? Fill out paperwork, go play on the swings, watch some TV, nap, and then go home early? Did he really not expect to work on his first day?

There is one particular actor who, for whatever reason, my brain absolutely refuses to record the name of. I have seen him in at least a dozen movies, in a broad range of roles, and he’s been acting for longer than I’ve been alive. But I simply CANNOT remember his name.

Every time he comes up in conversation, I sigh, rack my brain, and finally resort to imitating a famous scene of his because I CANNOT remember his name.

I don’t think this is too unusual, until one time I start trying to describe a movie to my girlfriend.

Me: “It had this one character, who… D*** it, I can never remember his name, but—”

Girlfriend: “Jack Nicholson.”

Me: “How did you know?!”

Girlfriend: “Because every single time you say that, you always follow it up with, ‘Heeere’s JOHNNY!'”

My spouse and I rent out our basement suite to a tenant. When the tenant moves in, they have an adult female cat and two of her kittens. The tenant says they will be getting them all fixed and giving away the two kittens.

Since you have to get through two doors to get to the downstairs suite, I know the cats are never let outside. I also see all three cats the few times I go downstairs to fix something. And, sometimes, we hear some very, very loud meowing from the otherwise pretty insulated suite. Fast forward several months and the tenant texts me, informing me that her cat has, yet again, had kittens. 

Me: “Oh, how did that happen?”

Tenant: “No idea.”

No, the tenant did not get their now nearly-adult male cats fixed — or give them away — nor was the adult female fixed. Now we have nine cats downstairs. Irresponsible pet owners drive me crazy.

Customer: “I’d like my hamburger with extra onions.”

She receives her hamburger with extra onions but returns a minute later.

Customer: “There aren’t enough extra onions on it. I really want a lot.”

I dispose of the hamburger, as we can’t return an item to the kitchen if it has been touched, and I ask the kitchen staff to put extra, extra onions on it. I then need to use the washroom, and as I am not on break and the public ones are closer, I go to the ladies’ room.

As I’m in a stall, sitting on the toilet, I hear the door open.

Customer: “There still aren’t enough onions.”

The city I work for isn’t huge, but we are nearing 100,000 people so we aren’t a small population, either. Twice a year, we flush out our water lines in the street to freshen the water system. This sometimes causes the water to be discoloured, but it is perfectly safe to use and drink.

Every once in a blue moon, if someone runs a wash of white clothes at the same time, the clothes will be stained, but we can give them a bottle of stain remover, and we have never had anything permanently damaged. I answer the phone.

Me: “[City].”

Caller: “My water is a disgusting brown; I can’t use it!”

Me: “Where do you live?”

Caller: “[Address]!”

Me: “I’m sorry. They are flushing the lines in your area, but the water is perfectly safe to use during this time and should clear up by the end of the day.”

Caller: “Why didn’t they tell me? It is dangerous for me because I was going to do laundry!”

Me: “Sorry about that. They aren’t able to inform everyone in person, as it affects quite a large area. I would wait until the water clears to do your laundry, just to be safe.”

Caller: “I can’t believe they wouldn’t tell me! I have allergies, and I can’t be drinking the water when it looks like that! It could kill me!”

Me: “The water is regularly tested and perfectly safe to drink, but if you prefer to wait until it clears, it shouldn’t be too much longer.”

Caller: “It’s dangerous for me! Why wouldn’t they tell me?”

Me: “Unfortunately, they are unable to tell every household, but we do publish it on our website, on social media, in the newspaper, and over the radio.”

Caller: “They can’t expect me to check the website every day?! I can’t listen to the media because the news makes me too sad!”

Me: “I’m really sorry. They do try to get the message out to everyone.”

Caller: “Well, they should tell me! I can’t listen to the news and it’s dangerous for me!”

I finally managed to calm her down, but I have no idea how she thought we would inform hundreds of people a week door to door.