I Like Big Butts With Multiple Cheeks

, , , , , | Friendly | June 6, 2018

(I have a friend who I tend to be jokingly evasive with when she asks me questions. I’m currently playing a game on my tablet.)

Friend: “Whatcha doin’?”

Me: “Nothing.”

Friend: “You’re playing a game, right?”

Me: “No.”

Friend: “Then whatcha doin’?”

Me: “Lookin’ at porn.”

Friend: “No, you’re not!”

Me: “Yup, I definitely am.”

Friend: “No, you definitely aren’t.”

Me: “I totally am.”

Friend: “If you were looking at porn, you wouldn’t be swiping your finger across the screen so much. You’d be jacking it.”

Me: “I’m zooming in on her butt cheeks.”

Friend: *after a few more seconds of me swiping around* “How many butt cheeks does she have?

Me:Way too many. I think it might be a medical condition.”

Unfiltered Story #113845

| | Unfiltered | June 6, 2018

(I work in the produce department. I don’t usually get rude people, but this is the worst experience I’ve had so far, which ended up leaving me in tears in front of my boss. 2 people called in sick and another was in a car accident, leaving us down 3 people. My manager and I were the only 2 there for 3 hours, and for those 3 hours I was mainly on my own working carts and moving freight, ect. Because of this and some other things going on in my life, I was already really stressed. At around 2pm, it got very busy, and I would get people asking me to find one thing from the back, only to have me bring it out then ask for another thing. I had just finished with a customer when this happened.)

Customer: “Excuse me!”

Me: *I turn and face her* “Hello, how can I help you?”

Customer: “I want spartan apples!”

Me: *Goes over and looks at where we keep the spartans and see there’s a good 20-something apples there*

Me: “These are spartans.”


Me: *Checks the code on the apple sticker with the PLU* “It says they’re spartan.”


Me: *Plasters a smile to my face* “I’ll be right back.”

Me: *Finds more spartans in the back and brings them out*

Customer: *Smiles* “Ooooh these are perfect! Thank you so much.”

(I checked over the ones we had out, they were completely fine. I found it amusing how quickly she went from disappointment to gratitude.)

A Transformative Incident

, , , , , | Right | June 5, 2018

(We’re performing spring maintenance on one of our outdoor lighting systems. This involves cleaning fixtures, changing lamps, and a general tidy-up of the system. One of our new hires accidentally breaks a fixture that we don’t have parts to repair.)

Me: “I’m sorry about the damaged fixture. At the moment, we don’t have the proper parts to repair it. But I can make a note of it on the invoice and we can send someone back as soon as possible to fix it.”

Client: “Oh, that’s no problem. I’ll have my electrician look at it. I guess someone forgot to mention to you that those fixtures aren’t part of your system; you don’t have to worry about servicing them today.”

(We finish up, and as she said, we don’t do the other fixtures. I still make note of the broken one on our paperwork just to have record of it, along with what she said about having her electrician fix it. Fast forward a couple weeks, and I’m working a day with our service tech. He has a work order for the place with the broken fixture, saying the system isn’t working at all now, along with a bunch of accusations about our shoddy work. We arrive and I notice the fixture we broke has been repaired. I take it out of the ground and immediately see the problem.)

Me: “Hey, [Tech], I found the problem. Remember how she said her electrician would fix this? Well, whoever fixed it crossed the wires and shorted the system.”

Tech: *laughing* “Yeah, that’ll do it. Let’s find the transformer so we can reset it.”

(I fixed the wiring and we reset the system. Everything worked perfectly. The tech made a note on the invoice for this visit that it was not our work that was faulty and therefore wasn’t under warranty. She later called to complain that she had to pay and claimed nobody else works on the system besides us, despite the four of us that were there that day stating she told us her electrician would fix it. The office ended up crediting her account just to shut her up. From now on, I plan to get this sort of thing in writing.)

Unfiltered Story #113842

| | Unfiltered | June 5, 2018

(Note: This takes place very shortly after the 3rd Hunger Games movie, The Mockingjay pt 1, has just come out in theatres. I also just happen to be in my twenties and enjoy reading young adult fiction, and have read both the Hunger Games and Divergent trilogies so I’m very familiar with the books and movies for both. An older- though not elderly- lady comes up to me.)
Lady: “Hi, I’m looking for the third book in that series… The movie just came out.”
Me: “The Hunger Games?”
Lady: “Yes, I think that’s it… What was the third one? Does it start with an ‘A’?”
Me: “Noo… The Mockingjay is the third book in that series, and that’s the movie that just came out last week.” *hands her a copy of the Mockingjay*
Lady: “Oh… No, I thought it started with an ‘A’…”
Me: *knowing that people frequently compare/confuse the two* “Could it be the Divergent series you’re looking for? The third book in that one is called Allegiant… Here.” *hands her a copy of Allegiant*
Lady: “Yes, that could be it, because I’m sure it starts with an ‘A’! Did that one just come out in a movie?”
Me: “No. They made a movie of the first book, Divergent, but that was a while ago… They haven’t made Allegiant into a movie at all.”
Lady: *starting to look somewhat flustered* “Oh no, that’s not right. It’s a new movie, my nephew and his girlfriend just went to see it the other day, and they wanted the book. But I’m positive it started with an ‘A’! I don’t want to get the wrong one!”
Me: “Well, if they went to see the movie, then that’s the Mockingjay… But if you’re sure it starts with ‘A’ then that’s Allegiant. But there’s no movie for that one.”
Lady: “Oh, this is so confusing… I’m so positive they said it started with ‘A’…”
Me: “Then you want Allegiant.”
Lady: “But you said that one isn’t a movie? I know they said it was the book for a movie… They just went to see it and it was really popular.”
Me: “Then it’s definitely the Mockingjay. That’s the only popular movie based off a book trilogy that’s come out recently.”
Lady: “But I’m so sure they said it was an ‘A’! Oh, I don’t know which one to get! I can’t get them the wrong one!”
(At this point we’ve literally just been going in circles with this conversation for a good 5 minutes at least. I’m not sure what else I can do to help her when she’s so positive that the book starts with ‘A’ and has been recently released as a movie- it clearly can’t be both, and she can’t decide which one she needs. I ended up suggesting she call to figure out which one it is, and had to leave to help other customers. I never found out what she ended up doing but I hope she got the right book after all that!)

Unfiltered Story #113844

| | Unfiltered | June 5, 2018

( A woman through drive through is pointing at me accusingly and yelling at my coworker, worried that I had screwed up her drink order I turned to face her)
Me: I’m so sorry, what seems to be the problem
Her: Were either of you two the one taking my order?!
Me: No, did we make a mistake?
Her: Whoever took my order was very rude!
(Knowing which order she was talking about I disagreed, as it had been a very typical order placed, if anything it was more polite than average because the girl taking orders tends to go the extra mile)
Me: I’m sorry, why was that?
Her: I do not come here to be told yeah!
Me: …Wut
Her: It’s yes NOT yeah!!
Me: Wait, what?
Her: How do I contact your manager?
Coworker: Just call the store’s number… I guess (Looks at me confused)
(The lady drives off in a fit)
Me: How is that rude..?
(This is a serious question, please tell me how that can be construed as rude.)
Coworker: What the fuck?
(After informing our supervisor of what happened she told us not to worry about it and promised to tell her not to return if she called)

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