I’m chatting with my sister on the phone about the global health crisis. Unfortunately, I’ve been distracted by video games lately, particularly one where you play as an assassin.
Sister: “And there are some businesses that require a vaccine or else you can be terminated.”
Me: “Wow, that’s a little extreme.”
Sister: “What?”
Me: *Realization dawning* “Other kind of ‘terminated’. Right. Sorry.”
Sister: *Jokingly* “Either way, I guess you’re getting shot.”
My mom and I are from Germany and we went to visit our relatives in Canada. They live close to the American border.
One day, we wanted to drive to a tourist attraction. There was road work ahead and our lane suddenly ended. I had to drive left into some kind of parking lot because I was unfamiliar with the road. We were confused and tried to get back on the road. I wanted to take a road that could get us back. My mom thought otherwise.
Mom: “Don’t take that road, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
I wanted to follow her advice but couldn’t. Then, we saw a strange official sign.
The next thing we knew, we were on a single road on a bridge going to the US. We were both horrified. There were cars behind me and I couldn’t go back. Fortunately, I was able to turn my car around and avoid entering the US, but we still had to wait in line to enter Canada — and without our passports; they were safely back at the house.
It was so embarrassing to tell the customs officers sheepishly what happened.
Me: “We took a wrong turn and never wanted to leave Canada.”
He looked at us sternly. We could only give our German ID, which he couldn’t read, of course. Then, we had to park and wait in an office. The people there looked also very unimpressed. The last person, finally, was really nice.
Worker: “Don’t worry about it; this happens a few times a week. But next time, please take your passport with you.”
We were really relieved. But we never told our relatives, although our trip was about an hour and a half shorter than planned.
I place an order online for a salad and wrap place. The earliest option is for twenty minutes later, but I go in early anyway in case they are also early. I walk straight into the “online pickup” area. An employee barely glances up since they are clearly busy making and boxing up orders.
The people who come in around the same time as me, but who order normally at the counter, start picking up their food as the employees call out that orders are ready. I figure they will call mine when it’s ready, so I continue to wait patiently. The rush finishes fifteen minutes after I came in, and I am the only one left in the restaurant. Finally, a different employee from the one I saw making food calls out to me.
Employee: “Are you picking something up?”
Me: “Yeah, an online order for [My Name].”
The employee reaches for an already wrapped-up box.
Employee: “Oh!”
Me: “Was it ready that whole time?!”
Employee: “Yes, just say something next time!”
I almost replied that no one had even acknowledged me when I came right to the pickup area, and that I didn’t want to bother the busy employee, so maybe this is a NAR!
I’m one of five working the service line that is out the door with a line of university students heading home from the bars. I’m making a customer’s sandwich and in walks a drunk guy trying to fight with the customer I’m serving.
Customer: “I don’t know you. Please leave me alone.“
The drunk guy won’t let up, so I leave the service line, walk around the counter, spin him around by his shoulders, and proceed to walk him out of the store.
Drunk Guy: “You can’t do that to me!“
Me: “I just did.”
He exited the store. I walked back, washed my hands, and picked up where I left off. Not long after, I noticed my police officer regulars putting the drunk guy in their cruiser.
The customer gave me a $10 tip!
I’m going to a grocery store with a shopping list from my wife. I get there and there is an open curbside space right by the front door. My lucky day!
I check out the list. My hands are full, what with phone, car keys, mask, etc., but I get out of the car and manage to get in the front door with only an upside-down mask to give me pause.
I am halfway down the veg aisle before I notice that I am not wearing my glasses. Quick check: old lottery tickets, dog treats, receipts, poop bags; it’s not in my coat or in my pants pockets, either. No biggy. Must have taken them off in the car when I was reading the shopping list.
Go through checkout. Get the members’ discount. Cashier tacks on a senior discount. I find that amusing.
Get back to the car. No glasses. Not on or under the seat. Not in the console. Not on the floor. Not on the sidewalk heading back to the store. Not on the floor of the produce section or on the shelves. Clerks haven’t found any. Cashiers haven’t seen them.
Go back to the car. Pray for intercession.
Go back inside and give my number to the nice young woman in customer service just in case they turn up.
She writes down my number and looks up.
Customer Service: “Do your lost glasses look anything like the pair you have hooked in your T-shirt collar?”
