I added someone completely at random on my Facebook because she had made a lot of thought-inspiring comments on a number of posts I had seen.

I had her on my friends list for the better part of six months or so before we had this conversation one day.

Friend: “Well, my girlfriend [Girlfriend] said…”

Me: “That’s funny… I have a sister named [Girlfriend].”

Friend: “Haha! Does she live in New York City?”

Me: “Actually, she does.”

It turned out IT ACTUALLY WAS MY SISTER!

At a fair, I stop at an herb stall. There’s a customer, not much older than me, looking at the wares.

Customer: “Is this acacia honey real?”

Seller: “Of course, it is — 100% made by bees from Poggibonsi!”

Customer: “Well, yes, but is it real?”

Seller: “Yeah. Do you want a sample?”

Customer: “No, I’d like to know if it’s real first.”

Seller: *Getting annoyed* “Yes, it’s real honey. What other thing is it supposed to be, pine resin?”

Customer: “Never mind, then. I don’t like not being told.”

The customer left and muttered that they didn’t trust people selling “decorative honey”. I’m not sure whether be stunned or impressed by the long-shot logic.

A customer is browsing books and calls me over with a book in her hand. 

Customer: “This isn’t right! I just checked this book on Amazon, and yours is cheaper!”

Me: “That does happen sometimes, ma’am.”

Customer: “But Amazon is always cheaper!”

Me: “Not always, it seems.”

Customer: “But… I don’t understand. Amazon is always cheaper!”

Me: “Would you like to buy that book, ma’am?”

Customer: “I don’t understand.”

Me: “What would you like me to do, ma’am?”

Customer: “Make it so that it’s cheaper on Amazon.”

Me: “I can’t change the price of the book, either here or on Amazon.”

I left the customer holding the book in her hand and went about other duties. I saw her later just drifting out of the store, worldview shattered, muttering, “…but Amazon is always cheaper…”

Related:
Exploring The Amazon Gets You Nowhere, Part 2
Exploring The Amazon Gets You Nowhere

I worked several fast food and retail jobs at once to make ends meet in 2020 and 2021. I’ve dealt with a lot of intense, abusive, and just plain weird customers during my employment in these industries. We often had a lot of shady people come about during the night shift at this particular fast food chain location. I was working in the drive-thru.

Me: “Welcome to [Fast Food Chain]. What can I get for you today?”

Customer: “I would like a cone in a cup. But I don’t want the cup.”

Me: “Okay, so no cup. You would like just the cone, then?”

Customer: “No. Just a cone in a cup, but without the cup.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, no cup. The ice cream will come in a cone if there’s no cup. If you don’t want the cone, then it would be in a regular sundae cup. Which one would you like exactly?”

Customer: “I WANT A CONE IN A CUP BUT WITHOUT THE CUP!”

Me: “Okay… I can give you no cup, miss, but the ice cream will still be in a cone.”

Customer: “NO!”

I was confused as to what exactly this customer wanted. We only had two standard options for soft-serve ice cream at this chain, and it was either in a cone or a sundae cup. Sometimes customers asked for both to prevent spills in their car, which we were accustomed to, but she seemed to have declined both options, yet she indicated that she still wanted ice cream somehow.

Me: “No cone, no cup… What exactly do you want, miss?”

Customer: “YOU’RE NOT LISTENING TO ME! I WANT A CONE IN A CUP WITH NO CUP!”

She then angrily sped out of the drive-thru, shouting expletives as she whizzed by. I was so exhausted from dealing with customers’ crap at that point that I thought out loud into my headset, too tired to care if anyone heard:

Me: “She wanted a cone in a cup… with no cone and no cup. What the h*** was that?”

Sorry that I can’t somehow serve levitating ice cream. Maybe I could just throw ice cream straight into her lap from the drive-thru window?

I work in a pet shop. A customer approaches me and looks a bit dazed, but there are no other red flags.

Customer: “Hello! I need a parrot.”

As we sell several breeds of parrots, I naturally ask:

Me: “Of course! What kind of parrot are you looking for?”

Customer: *Still looking like they’re somewhere out of this world* “A live one…”