(I’ve recently gotten married and I took my husband’s name. I’m at the bank to update my name on my bank account. The teller goes through the standard questions, verifying my name and new address, and then:)

Teller: “And is your date of birth still the same?”

(I just chuckle, thinking she’s joking, until I notice she’s still staring expectantly at me.)

Me: “Umm, yes, that hasn’t changed.”

This story is part of our Bad Bankers roundup!

Read the next Bad Bankers roundup story!

Read the Bad Bankers roundup!

(I work in a call center at a help desk for a bank, assisting representatives with problems and doing research. Often we get asked how systems work or how to find something. I’m in Colorado; the person calling is in California.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] help desk. This is [My Name]. How can I help today?”

Teller: “I’m trying to write a letter in Google but it’s not letting me.”

Me: “What do you mean, you’re trying to write a letter in Google?”

Teller: “I’m trying to write a letter to go with a check we’re returning to the client, but Google won’t let me do it.”

Me: “You need to use a word processor, not Google.”

Teller: “But I can type. Why won’t it let me write a letter?”

Me: “Let me just write that letter for you.”

Teller: “Then how will I get it? Will you drop it on my desk?”

Me: “I can email it to you.”

Teller: “Then how will the client get it?”

Me: “You can print it off and mail it to them with the check.”

Teller: “How do I mail a letter?”

(It just kept going like this for ten minutes. Sadly, this is not the first or last time I’ve had to explain how to mail a letter.)

This story is part of our Bad Bankers roundup!

Read the next Bad Bankers roundup story!

Read the Bad Bankers roundup!

(It’s the week of Thanksgiving. I am closing with my supervisor and another coworker. Please note that this particular coworker had an open to close shift that day and is very tired.)

Customer: *pulls up in the drive-thru* “Are you guys open on Thursday?”

Coworker: “No, we are closed for Thanksgiving. We will be open normal hours on Friday.”

Customer: “You guys should be open. What if someone needs money?”

Coworker: “Sir, will YOU be at the bank on Thursday?”

Customer: “Heck, no. I’ll be eating lots of food and spending time with my family!”

Coworker: “Exactly. And the rest of us want to do that, too. That’s why we’re not open. Is there anything else I can help you with today?”

Customer: “Uh… no. I think I’m good.”

Coworker: “Enjoy your evening.”

(The customer drives off. My coworker turns around to see the supervisor and me laughing our heads off.)

Me: “That was great!”

Coworker: “Will I get in trouble for saying that?!”

Supervisor: “Heck, no! You tell ’em!”

This story is part of our Thanksgiving roundup!

Read the next Thanksgiving roundup story!

Read the Thanksgiving roundup!

This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!

Read the next Bank Customer roundup story!

Read the Bank Customer roundup!

(As I finish up opening an account with the minimum opening deposit for a brand-new customer at my in-store bank, I explain EVERYTHING that I give him: disclosures, business card, signature card, and starter checks.)

Me: “Here are your starter checks. A lot of places won’t take them, since they don’t have your name or address printed on them, but they will work to get direct deposit set up with your employer; just write your name and addresses across the top of the check and VOID across the check.”

Customer: “So, I can use these to pay for things, right?”

Me: “Once you’ve deposited some more money in your account, you can order regular checks that more places will accept. Right now, you would have to check with the retailer. Some places might take them for smaller amounts.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.”

(Ten minutes later, a store employee calls me.)

Employee: “Can you verify a check for me? I know you aren’t supposed to, but the customer says you just told him he could write a check here.”

Me: “I can try. What’s the account and amount?”

Employee: “It’s [account I just opened] for $4,250.”

Me: “Yeah, not going to happen. Send him back up here and I’ll see if I can explain it better.”

(The customer returns.)

Customer: “Well, you gave me checks, so I figured I had better use them and get the stuff I needed. Our TV broke.”

Me: “As of right now, your account only has $25 in it, so you can’t write a check for more than that.”

Customer: “I have to put money in my account?!”

This story is part of our Bank Customer roundup!

Read the next Bank Customer roundup story!

Read the Bank Customer roundup!

(My mother- and father-in-law, both retired, have a bad experience trying to open a joint account at a local branch of a particular bank. They spend two hours answering really personal questions about their finances which don’t seem to have any relevance: e.g. how much do you spend on food each month? The account isn’t even for a loan.)

Caller: “Hello, could I please speak to Mrs. [Mother-In-Law] regarding her recent experience with [Bank]?”

Father-In-Law: “She’s not at home right now. Would you like to speak to me about my experience, as I was with my wife when we opened our joint account?”

Caller: “No, I’m sorry. I have to speak directly with Mrs. [Mother-In-Law] regarding her account.”

Father-In-Law: “Well, I’m afraid she’s not at home at the moment, so you can speak to me about the account as it is a joint account and I was there with her.”

Caller: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential. When will Mrs. [Mother-In-Law] be home?”

Father-In-Law: “I’m afraid I can’t discuss that information with you as it’s confidential.” *click*

This story is part of our Bad Bankers roundup!

Read the next Bad Bankers roundup story!

Read the Bad Bankers roundup!