Mr. Pizza Man Makes The Best Pizzas!

, , , , | Right | October 3, 2018

(I’m on the phone with a customer.)

Me: “Okay, is there anything else you’d like to add?”

Customer: “Could you throw in an order of breadsticks, and—”

Little Kid: “Hi, Mr. Pizza Man!”

Customer: “Get off the phone!”

(I was laughing through the rest of the order.)

No Sunshine On This Cloudy Day

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2018

(I work in a fast food restaurant next to a hospital in one of the most sketchy parts of town. Our policy is that if a customer is missing food, we can only replace it if they have a receipt.)

Customer: “I was missing a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.”

Me: “Okay, pull around to the window and I’ll fix your order.”

Customer: *pulls around*

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your receipt. I can’t replace it if I don’t have a receipt.”

Customer: “Nah, my girl came through earlier.”

Me: “Does she have a receipt? Or do you know what she ordered, so I can pull the order back up?”

Customer: “Nah, my girl came through. Do you not remember my girl?”

Me: *agitated* “I don’t know who your ‘girl’ is.”

Customer: “But that’s my girl. How do you not know my girl?”

(I just shut the window and let him pull up and speak with a manager.)

Never Had A Mom Like Me

, , , , , , | Related | June 29, 2018

(This takes place shortly after “Aladdin” is released in theaters. A friend calls and invites me to go and see it with him and his parents. My mom is out of the house, but my stepdad allows me to go. When I get back, Mom is home, and she looks a little upset.)

Mom: “So, you went off to see Aladdin with [Friend]?”

Me: “But I got permission. [Stepdad] said I could go.”

Mom: “That’s not the point. I wanted to go see it!”

Me: *confused* “Wait, what?”

Mom: “Well, I hope you enjoyed the movie, because you will be going back.”

(Sure enough, a few days later, she ended up taking me back to the theater just so she could have an excuse to see the movie herself. I certainly wasn’t complaining about having to see it again, though.)

Imagine, If You Will, A Customer Owning Up To Their Mistakes

, , , , | Right | June 13, 2018

(The store I work in is a bulk foods grocery store. We have two types of clientele: general retail and wholesale — customers who order freight deliveries from our warehouse.The customer I’m dealing with fits into the latter category.)

Me: “Good morning, ma’am! Finding everything you need today?”

Customer: “No… I forgot to order a delivery this week and I’m almost out of a lot of supplies, so here I am.”

Me: “Let’s a take a look at your list and we’ll see what we can come up with, okay?”

(We spend the next half-hour or so going through her shopping list and, as is expected, most of the items she normally orders out of the warehouse are not carried by the store, so I help her find comparable items. The customer is becoming increasingly frazzled as we go on, but is maintaining her composure. Finally, we reach the end of the list.)

Me: “All right, ma’am, looks like you’re all set. Anything else I can do for you?”

Customer: *obviously holding back anger* “No, but I guess this will have to do, won’t it?!”

(I apologize profusely and again offer some assistance, as I’m expecting her to start screaming at any moment.)

Me: “Again, I’m terribly sorry, ma’am.”

Customer: *takes a breath* “Don’t be. It’s my own d*** fault. This is what I get for not putting in an order in time. I knew I had to do it this weekend, and I put it off. Oh well.”

Me: *slightly taken aback* “Oh, uh… Well, hopefully it all works out in the end for you. Have a great day!”

(I head back to the stock room to finish my morning tasks. My shock must be obvious because my coworker gives me a concerned look.)

Coworker: “[My Name], are you okay?”

Me: “No. I think I’m in The Twilight Zone.”

Coworker: “What just happened?”

(I relay the story to my coworker who looks just as shocked as I feel.)

Coworker: “There’s no way that happened.”

Me: “A customer actually owning up to their own mistakes. Hell, I wouldn’t believe if I hadn’t just seen it.”

Unfiltered Story #108206

, , , | Unfiltered | April 2, 2018

(I work in a small bulk grocery/restaurant supply store that has ‘Food Service’ in its name. This is key to the story as with most retail establishments we greet customers on the phone with the full name of the store.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [store name]. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I was in y’alls store the other day trying to make an appointment with one of your representatives and I had to leave before we could get anything set up. Is there any way I can schedule something over the phone?”

(Despite us being a grocery store, this question isn’t too out of the ordinary as we do have sales reps that make appointments with potential customers to set up truck deliveries. I’m assuming that’s what this is about.

Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can pass along your information to a manager and we’ll get that taken care of. What was this appointment regarding?”

Customer: “Well, I dropped my iPhone 6 the other day and now it won’t charge when I plug it in. My contract is up next month and—”

(I don’t hear the rest of the woman’s spiel as I have to turn away from the receiver to keep from laughing. One of my coworkers standing nearby can tell I’m trying not to lose it and is giving me an inquisitive look. I manage to compose myself just as the customer is done ranting.)

Me: “Uh, ma’am, I’m sorry but you have a wrong number. We’re [store name], not [wireless carrier].”

Customer: “Who?”

Me: “[Store name], ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, sorry.” *click*

(I hang up the phone and burst out laughing.)

Coworker: What the hell was that about?

Me: Some woman apparently thought we could fix her iPhone…Seriously, did she not hear me say [Store Name] during that introduction? What are we going to do? Add an app that turns her phone into a condiment dispenser?

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