Unfiltered Story #136335

, , , | Unfiltered | January 10, 2019

(This happens almost every weekday around 5 a.m. This particular customer has a slight accent, but can speak English fluently.)

Customer: “I need $10 on pump five, please. Regular.” *holds out a $100 bill*

Me: “Sorry, sir, but I can’t make change for that right now. Do you have anything smaller or a card to pay with?”

Customer: *greatly exaggerates his accent* “Me…need…gas.” *holds out $100 bill again.*

Me: “I can’t accept that. You need to pay another way.”

Customer: “You b*tch. I’m never coming back here.” *walks out.*

Technicolor Pachyderms Is Really Too Much For Me

, , , , , , | Friendly | December 31, 2018

(I’m staying overnight at a friend’s house. I just woke up, but he’s still asleep, so I’m flipping through the channels on his TV when I see that “Dumbo” is on. It’s near the pink elephants sequence, a scene that I know my friend hates, so when it comes on, I decide to crank up to volume to see if I can get a reaction out of him. Much to my disappointment, he doesn’t respond. About an hour later, he wakes up.)

Friend: “Dude, I had a bunch of weird dreams last night.”

Me: “Um… did any of them have anything to do with the pink elephants scene from Dumbo?”

Friend: “Yeah! That was the main one. How did you know?”

You Should Have Waited For Me!

, , , , | Right | December 15, 2018

(This is in mid-January. An older man approaches me at the circulation desk.)

Customer: “Do you have tax forms here?”

Me: “I don’t think so; we normally don’t get those until later in the month.”

Customer: “Well, I called and talked to someone who said you do.”

Me: “If we have any, they’ll be on the counter in the computer area, but I didn’t notice any when I was back there earlier.”

Customer: “Well, I’ll go take a look.” *leaves and comes back a few minutes later* “They’re not back there. Why would somebody tell me you had them here when you don’t?”

Me: “Do you know who you spoke with? When did you call?”

Customer: “I don’t remember; it was about ten months ago.”

Me: “Well, sir, in that case, they would have been talking about last year’s forms. If you called ten months ago, that would have been March of last year, so we would have had last year’s forms out. We haven’t received the forms for this year yet.”

Customer: “But why would they tell me you had them, and then when I come in you don’t have them? That’s a waste of my time!”

Me: “When you called, we did have them, for last year. But the forms are different each year; we haven’t received the ones for this year yet.”

Customer: “I still don’t understand why someone would say you have the forms when you don’t have them. I called and they told me you have the forms, and now when I come in, you don’t have them. This has just been a big waste of my time.”

Mr. Pizza Man Makes The Best Pizzas!

, , , , | Right | October 3, 2018

(I’m on the phone with a customer.)

Me: “Okay, is there anything else you’d like to add?”

Customer: “Could you throw in an order of breadsticks, and—”

Little Kid: “Hi, Mr. Pizza Man!”

Customer: “Get off the phone!”

(I was laughing through the rest of the order.)

No Sunshine On This Cloudy Day

, , , , | Right | July 30, 2018

(I work in a fast food restaurant next to a hospital in one of the most sketchy parts of town. Our policy is that if a customer is missing food, we can only replace it if they have a receipt.)

Customer: “I was missing a sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.”

Me: “Okay, pull around to the window and I’ll fix your order.”

Customer: *pulls around*

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “My what?”

Me: “Your receipt. I can’t replace it if I don’t have a receipt.”

Customer: “Nah, my girl came through earlier.”

Me: “Does she have a receipt? Or do you know what she ordered, so I can pull the order back up?”

Customer: “Nah, my girl came through. Do you not remember my girl?”

Me: *agitated* “I don’t know who your ‘girl’ is.”

Customer: “But that’s my girl. How do you not know my girl?”

(I just shut the window and let him pull up and speak with a manager.)

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