I was running a small cafe in a wee seaside town for what was SUPPOSED to be a month. It turned into nine months because of complications with the owner’s surgery, but it was mostly fun, fine, and a little eye-opening… until this woman came in.

[Woman] had decided to make her own business from home selling vegan-meatball-type things.

Me: “That’s lovely, but we make everything in our kitchen and cabinets ourselves, and we are proud of it.”

She would not accept this as an answer and actually threw two of these balls over the counter at me to give to the owner. I knew now why my friendly waitress called me from the back to deal with this woman.

After assuring her that I would pass them on, she demanded the owner’s personal number. There was no way in h*** I was about to give that over. [Woman] argued, and argued, and then argued a bit more, getting a bit louder in the process. Finally, I told her:

Me: “What about your rude bulls*** attitude makes you think we’d even consider working with you?”

As she was standing there with her mouth open, I saw, tucked under the till, a single blue card: one of our not-used-in-over-a-year business cards that had been discovered in an old folder a few days earlier.

I handed that over without a word. [Woman] snatched it like a child and stomped out and waited by our wall-length windows. The look on her face when I answered the call from inside the shop was the best part of the week. I’d already said she wasn’t getting anyone’s personal number, so why she thought I had broken and given her anything other than the shop number was beyond me.

I am walking down Hollywood Boulevard when a man steps into my path. 

Man: “Hey, girl, you are beautiful. Let me tell you a little about my music. Do you have a minute?”

Me: “No, thanks.”

I step to the side but he steps in front of me again.

Man: “Now look, I’m getting big on Instagram, but I’m out here—”

Me: “I’ll kick you.”

Man: *Hands up* “Easy, girl, I’m just trying to share my music.” 

I walk around him and he yells after me.

Man: “You wanna be a cold b****, that’s between you and God.”

I keep walking.

Man: “Yeah, f*** you, stupid whore!”

He continues to yell at me as I walk down the street. On my way back, the same man steps in front of me again. 

Man: “Miss, you are gorgeous! Can— Oh, f*** no.”

I just laughed as I walked by.

The next weekend, I was walking the same street and saw a woman standing a few feet from the “artist” telling everyone that he gave her a blank CD and refused to give her money back. He did not look happy.

Every week, the managers get together to discuss the store — upcoming sales, new products, issues we’ve noticed, etc. [Manager] is about ten years older than me and always goofing off. Most people just dismiss it as having a good time or some sort of hyperactivity. One day, just before the meeting, [Manager] comes up to me.

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], I need you to do something.”

Me: *Suspicious* “Yes?”

Manager: “When [Store Manager] asks if there’s anything else at the end of the meeting, make an armpit fart.”

Me: “No. That’s so stupid.”

Manager: “No, it’s hilarious!”

Me: “No, it’s stupid. I’m not doing it.”

Manager: “Oh, come on! I’ll give you $20.”

Me: “I said no.”

Manager: “Don’t be a baby, [My Name]. It’s just a joke!”

Me: “Then you do it.”

I turn and walk into the meeting.

All through the meeting, [Manager] is staring at me, silently trying to convince me to pull his childish prank. 

Store Manager: “All righty, folks, if there’s nothing else?”

Manager: “Wait! [My Name] has something.”

Store Manager: “[My Name]?”

Me: “I don’t, actually.”

Manager: “Yes, you do!”

Me: *Firmly* “No.”

Store Manager: “[My Name], are you sure?”

Me: “I’m sure.”

As the other managers are leaving, [Manager] comes up and pinches my arm. 

Me: “Ow!”

Manager: “P***y.”

Me: “Go away, [Manager].”

Manager: “I knew you wouldn’t do it.”

Me: “I told you I wouldn’t.”

Store Manager: *From behind us* “Do what, [My Name]?”

[Manager] is startled.

Me: *Smiling* “Oh, [Manager] told me—”

Manager: “No!”

Me: “—he would give me $20 to—”

Manager: “He’s lying!”

Me: “—make an armpit fart at the end of the meeting.”

Manager: “That’s not true!”

Store Manager: “Well, [Manager], if he’s lying, why did you pinch him and call him a p***y?”

Manager: “I— I was—”

Store Manager: “How about we discuss this in my office?”

[Manager] was written up. Most of our interactions now are him just glaring at me, but he has calmed down significantly.

Client: “What?! What do you mean you haven’t even started yet? A brief? A brief is just a courtesy!”

Reply from a client when we informed them that we hadn’t started – let alone finished – a highly complex digital tool they needed as we hadn’t been briefed on it.  The first we heard of it was a week before when they casually said ‘oh by the way, we need a new digital tool’ at the end of a conversation about something else and we said ‘great, happy to look into this, let’s set up a briefing’.

My mother-in-law called me while I was at work, knowing full well where I was and that I couldn’t answer. When I let it go to voicemail, she called three more times in a row and then texted me. 

Mother-In-Law: “What is your boss’s number?”

I didn’t answer because I was working, so she called again. I stepped outside, telling my boss I had to take a personal call and I would be right back.

Mother-In-Law: “Finally!”

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Mother-In-Law: “I just need your boss’s number.”

Me: “Why?”

Mother-In-Law: “Don’t worry about it. Just tell me.”

Me: “I have to work. If you can’t give me a legitimate reason, I’m hanging up.”

Mother-In-Law: “It’s none of your business. Just—”

I hung up. She called back immediately. This time I rejected her call, as well as the four directly after. About an hour later, my boss came to my desk.

Boss: *Confused* “Hey, [My Name], do you know someone by the name of [Mother-In-Law]?”

Me: “Yes.”

Boss: “Well, she just called me about this company she runs. It’s like, you buy stuff every month, and she wanted to set up a meeting later. It sounds like a scam.”

Me: “Oh, my God. She tried to get you to join [Multi-Level Marketing Company]. I’m so sorry. She asked for your number earlier—”

Boss: “And you gave it to her?!”

Me: “No! She wouldn’t tell me why she wanted it so I hung up on her. I’m so sorry.”

Boss: “Well, she might not be very happy with you next time you talk.”

Me: “Ah, she’s rarely happy with me.”

Boss: “I told her to f*** off with her pyramid bulls*** and stop wasting my time.”

Me: *Laughing* “Absolutely worth her being mad. I’m so sorry.”

Boss: “It’s okay. No worries.”

That night when I got home, I had a long ranting email from my mother-in-law, accusing me of sabotaging her “career” and taking food from her mouth by not allowing her business to prosper. I saved it for future laughs.