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What Are You, Twelve?

, , , , , | Working | November 22, 2021

Every week, the managers get together to discuss the store — upcoming sales, new products, issues we’ve noticed, etc. [Manager] is about ten years older than me and always goofing off. Most people just dismiss it as having a good time or some sort of hyperactivity. One day, just before the meeting, [Manager] comes up to me.

Manager: “Hey, [My Name], I need you to do something.”

Me: *Suspicious* “Yes?”

Manager: “When [Store Manager] asks if there’s anything else at the end of the meeting, make an armpit fart.”

Me: “No. That’s so stupid.”

Manager: “No, it’s hilarious!”

Me: “No, it’s stupid. I’m not doing it.”

Manager: “Oh, come on! I’ll give you $20.”

Me: “I said no.”

Manager: “Don’t be a baby, [My Name]. It’s just a joke!”

Me: “Then you do it.”

I turn and walk into the meeting.

All through the meeting, [Manager] is staring at me, silently trying to convince me to pull his childish prank. 

Store Manager: “All righty, folks, if there’s nothing else?”

Manager: “Wait! [My Name] has something.”

Store Manager: “[My Name]?”

Me: “I don’t, actually.”

Manager: “Yes, you do!”

Me: *Firmly* “No.”

Store Manager: “[My Name], are you sure?”

Me: “I’m sure.”

As the other managers are leaving, [Manager] comes up and pinches my arm. 

Me: “Ow!”

Manager: “P***y.”

Me: “Go away, [Manager].”

Manager: “I knew you wouldn’t do it.”

Me: “I told you I wouldn’t.”

Store Manager: *From behind us* “Do what, [My Name]?”

[Manager] is startled.

Me: *Smiling* “Oh, [Manager] told me—”

Manager: “No!”

Me: “—he would give me $20 to—”

Manager: “He’s lying!”

Me: “—make an armpit fart at the end of the meeting.”

Manager: “That’s not true!”

Store Manager: “Well, [Manager], if he’s lying, why did you pinch him and call him a p***y?”

Manager: “I— I was—”

Store Manager: “How about we discuss this in my office?”

[Manager] was written up. Most of our interactions now are him just glaring at me, but he has calmed down significantly.