(Our lighting store is very hands-on with service. On a slow day, I see a customer standing near our counter. She is looking at some lights displayed on the roof.)

Me: “Hi, can I give you a hand today?”

Customer: *angry* “NO! You know, you’re the fourth person in ten minutes to ask me for help! I just want to look at the lights. I don’t need any help. I just want to be left alone!”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(I walk away, rather surprised by her reaction. I see another customer, an elderly man, and decide to approach him.)

Me: “Can I give you a hand, or were you just having a look?”

Elderly Customer: “Just having a look, thank you. You know, you’re the third person to ask me that. What great service you guys have!”

(I’m working as a concierge in a popular hotel in the city. At this time, there is a popular exhibition at the National Art Gallery featuring a number of Renaissance artists. I’ve just sold some tickets to a woman in her 40s.)

Guest: “Thank you for these. I just love the classics!”

Me: “Yes, the Renaissance exhibition is getting very popular.”

Guest: “Still, it’s not as exciting as that French artist… What’s his name? Oh, Machiavelli!”

Me: *confused* “Oh, you mean Monet?”

Guest: *angry* “No! I mean MACHIAVELLI! Jeez, why am I even explaining this to a concierge?! It isn’t like you guys even understand what art is!” *walks off haughtily*

This story is part of our “Not Getting Art” Roundup!

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(I have been out in the back making dough before serving the customer. I haven’t had time to clean myself up a bit, so I have flour on my shirt.)

Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

Customer: *looking at my shirt* “Can I speak to the manager right away, please?”

Me: *confused* “Um, okay.”

(I call the manager over.)

Manager: “What seems to be the problem, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to complain about this employee. He has drugs on his shirt. He should be fired immediately!”

Manager: *joking* “But, then, where would I get my supply from?”

Customer: *looks shocked, and then storms out of the store*

Next Customer In Line: “Can I get a Hawaiian pizza on the thin base with extra drugs, please?”

Child: “What’s the Cretaceous period?”

Mother: “Something scientists made up.”

Me: *chiming in* “It’s the third period that the dinosaurs lived in. It was from about 140-65 million years ago.”

Child: “Really?”

Mother: “The Cretaceous period is just something that scientists made up to dispute Christ.” *turns to face me* “But we won’t get into that.”

This story is part of the Children-Behaving-Better-Than-Their-Parents roundup!

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Me: “How are you today, sir?”

Customer #1: “Ahhhhh… well, I’m pretty good now!”

Me: “Now?”

Customer #1: “I’ve just had a horrible stomach ache all day, but I just farted and I feel much better!”

Me: “That’s… nice…”

(The relieved customer leaves, but another customer approaches. They’re unaware of the previous conversation.)

Customer #2: “Can you smell something? Do you think it’s the meat? Does it smell off to you?”

Me: “No, miss. I don’t think it’s the meat.”

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