You’re Just Shopping, They’re Just Trippin’

, , , , , , , , | Right | January 20, 2018

(I work in a large retail chain in Australia. As it is currently summer here, my long work pants are really hot. I’m in the store I work in, after my shift — so, still dressed in uniform — looking for a suitable skirt to buy and wear on my shifts and not boil my legs. A lady approaches me.)

Customer: “Could you help me find [pants] in size 12?”

Me: “Of course. Let me check the tag.”

(I find the pants quite quickly and show her we have sizes 6-22 — in Australian sizes this basically means there would be a pair to fit the vast majority of people — while handing her size 12.)

Customer: “And what about the top I asked for?”

(I’m certain she said nothing about a top to me, and she refuses to “repeat” herself. I tell her that in that case, there’s nothing more I can do for her and continue my own shopping. She doesn’t say anything but follows me around for the full ten minutes it takes me to find a suitable skirt. It’s pretty creepy.)

Customer: “Carrying that handbag, you almost look like you’re shopping!” *laughs*

Me: “I am shopping.”

Customer: *laughs*

(I’m apparently hilarious without even knowing it.)

Customer: *whining* “I really need that top!”

(I directed her to speak to my manager at the fitting rooms. She demanded my help. I repeated that my shift was finished, I really was just shopping, and I was helping her out of the goodness of my heart and without being paid. She complained to my very short-tempered manager about my “conduct,” and the manager reaffirmed that I was shopping, not working. This set off the ultimate conundrum in the customer’s mind and she got more and more agitated until she was removed by security for attempting to cut people with disposable razors. It was the craziest thing I’d ever seen. My coworkers and I still lunge at each other with [packaged, completely harmless] disposable razors for a joke.)

Reading Signs Should Be A Walk In The Car Park

, , , , , | Right | November 30, 2017

(My shopping centre is in an area where many customers feel very entitled, and we have just changed the pricing structure for all-day parking. It should also be noted that for all-day workers, we have cheaper deals in other car parks around the center that work out to be less than half than what the all-day payment is. I get this call over the intercom from one of the payment machines. )

Me: “Hello, can I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I’d like to know when you changed your price for all-day parking?”

Me: “The signs went up last night, so you would have read them on your way into the car park today.”

Caller: “I saw no such thing. Why did you not inform me of the change?”

Me: “Sir, we had signs up at all entry points and pay machines this morning as well as the new price structure at the entries to the car parks. If you had read any of those very visible signs you would have seen that the price had gone up.”

Caller: “But why didn’t you tell me? I demand that I pay the original price.”

Me: “Sir, we can’t inform every patron of the car park that this has happened, which is why we put signs up in visible locations around the parking area, including entries and pay machines.”

Caller: “Well, you should have told me! I refuse to pay the new price.”

Me: “Sir, if that is what you want to do, then go ahead, but I must warn you that if you don’t pay for your parking then you can’t get your car out of the parking lot.”

Caller: “I will pay [original amount], but I will not pay [new amount]. You can’t keep my car in here; it is against the law!”

Me: “Actually, sir, part of the terms and conditions that you agree to upon entering our parking structure is that you will pay for however long you have stayed in our car park. If you don’t want to pay that much for all-day parking, there are cheaper options in other car parks.”

Caller: “But those car parks are further away from my office. Wait… You expect me to read those signs at the entry?”

Me: “Yes, sir, as they are the legal agreement that you are entering into upon entering our car park. I understand that those car parks may be further away from your office, but this car park is for those who are doing their groceries and is mostly a short stay car park.”

Caller: “That is ridiculous; you still should have told me about the change.”

Me: “I’m terribly sorry, sir; I will make a note of it for next time we change anything in our car parks. Please pay for your ticket and have a great day.”

Toodles And Parenthood And Whatever

, , , , | Learning | September 11, 2017

(One of our teachers is leaving to have a baby. The other teachers arrange a surprise going-away video. All of the students from across the classes get together in groups of three to four in front of the camera to say goodbye. It’s my turn, along with two classmates.)

Me: “Bye!”

Classmate #1: “Have fun with the baby!”

Classmate #2: “…”

(I realize [Classmate #2] is distracted, watching a nearby dog, so I prod her in the ribs to get her to say something.)

Classmate #2: *still distracted* “Right, yeah… toodles.”

Me: *after recording is finished* “…Toodles?!”

(Since we were primary students, there was a rule against re-recordings. Most of the comments made our teacher smile. Some of them made her tear up. Ours were the only ones that made her snort with laughter.)

A Leap Of Logic

, , , , | Learning | September 8, 2017

(I teach third grade, and we are talking about diversity. I ask the following question:)

Me: “Which would you hate more: being stuck in a wheelchair for the rest of your life, or having a birthday on the 29th of February?”

(We’d talked about leap years already, and it hadn’t occurred to them that some people might, perhaps, be born then, meaning a birthday celebration only once every four years! Their consensus? The misery of a birthday only every four years was FAR worse than being confined to a wheelchair; after all, wheelchairs were “COOL!”)