F****** Awesome

, , , , , | Right | November 22, 2019

(I have just ticked over the twelve-month mark as a store manager for a nationwide video game retailer. My predecessor was quite spineless and let customers walk all over our staff, including encouraging them to break policy for refunds and the like. To help rebuild staff morale, I have given every full-time staff member one “f*** off” a year. If a customer is being difficult or belligerent, the staff member can tell the customer to f*** off and ban them from the store. I will back my team all the way to corporate if they use this, because I know they have the store’s best interest at heart. I am the first one to use this, in the last month. A man approaches my register with a new release game, marked at full price.)

Customer: “I want to do a deal with you guys. [Competitor #1] across the mall have this game for $79.” *$20 cheaper than us* “But, if you promise to sell it to me for $59, I’ll buy another two game from you that are worth $50. What do you say?”

Me: “I’m sorry, if you can find the game cheaper elsewhere then I recommend you go for it as I can’t reduce the price beyond a price match.”

Customer: “Okay, then. Okay, then. I know that [Competitor #2] is selling this game at $59. Will you beat that?”

Me: “No, because according to their website they’re selling the game at $85.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s one of those special ‘in-store only’ sales! It’s not online!”

Me: “Odd. When were you there?”

Customer: “About ten minutes ago.”

Me: “Hmm, well, I was there around half an hour ago on my break. I didn’t see that sticker. Either they did it in the last 20 minutes, or you misread the sign.”

Customer: “Listen. I am a very rich man and I shop here all the time. The owner of this store would be pissed if he knew what you were doing to me. I. Want. This. Game. For. $59. Got. It.?”

Me: “I will sell the game to you at $85 for a price match. No less.”

Customer: “I’m going to call your boss and see what he says.” *pulls out his phone*

Me: *picks up store phone before he has finished dialing* “You’re talking to the boss. F*** off.”

Customer: *shocked* “I… uh… What did you say to me?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I didn’t recognise you. Can I have your loyalty card, please?”

(The customer hands over his card and I scan it.)

Me: “Okay, thanks for that, Mr. [Customer]. As manager of this store, I inform you that you are no longer welcome on-site for displaying threatening behaviour. Now, f*** off before I call security.”

(My staff stood there with jaws open as he turned and left the store. I updated his loyalty account with details of his banning. One of my team used his “f*** off” the next week on a group of teenagers who were trying to jimmy our shelving racks. We have one staff member with one left; he reckons he’s saving his for Christmas.)

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Unfiltered Story #174534

, , | Unfiltered | October 30, 2019

I work to cash register, its a monday night and im one of two people open, there is a constant line of people with trolleys waiting for the registers. I’ve just started scanning the next customer when a man cut past the line and walks up to me.
Customer: Can i go next?
i look at the two people waiting in line and back to him.
Me: No
Customer: please?
Me: i’ll let you in if you ask everyone in line if its okay and they say yes otherwise im not skipping them
He takes one look at the woman behind him and walks off to the other register to try again. The other cashier turns him away too. at this point the custormer in line reaches the counter.
Me: i apologise for that ma’am
Customer 2: thats fine he’s been doing that for ages, hes waisted more time trying to cut the line than he would have waiting.

This Excuse Does Not Work Outside Of Australia

, , , , , | Friendly | October 7, 2019

(I am going to visit a friend, driving along the motorway, and I notice a dead kangaroo with a ute stopped just beyond it. I only really notice it because the traffic has slowed down at that area due to a tow truck manoeuvring to pick up the ute. Later, at my friend’s house, her husband comes in from work and greets me.)

Husband: “How was the drive? Did you have any problems with the kangaroos?”

Me: “No, but there were quite a few dead ones up near [Area].”

Husband: “Really? [Area]? You didn’t happen to notice a white ute stopped along on the way, did you?”

Me: “Actually, yes. It looked like it had hit a kangaroo and was about to get towed. Why?”

Husband: “Two of our apprentices called in this morning saying they’d hit a kangaroo, and my boss didn’t believe them; he thought they were just trying to get a day off. He wanted me to get proof from them; you’ve just provided it!”

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Unfiltered Story #163237

, , | Unfiltered | September 14, 2019

(My husband and I are on a bus coming to visit Canberra from the South Coast. It is around a 4 hour journey, part of it going up a mountainous road. The bus breaks down a couple of times on the mountain because it overheated, but both times we were able to wait it out until the engine was cool enough to start again. The bus driver apologises profusely each time, and we all tell him not to worry as it was not his fault, but one passenger is getting really cranky. We make it to Canberra, late, and the bus breaks down again nowhere near the bus stop and won’t start up again. While the rest of us are calling a cabs and consoling the driver, the angry passenger is loudly complaining on her phone.)

Angry Customer: “Ugh! The driver is useless! Three times we broke down, THREE!!! F****** ridiculous!”

(The driver hears the loud exchange, and looks really upset. My husband and I console him and tell him to stop apologising like it was his fault because it wasn’t.)

Me: *to the bus driver but loudly so the angry passenger can hear me* “If anyone got mad at you for something that is out of your control, then they are just crazy. It’s not like you planned for the bus to break down, making you late to get home to your family after an extremely long trip! You’re only human, after all. Thank you very much for getting us this far. It was a great effort and we really appreciate it!”

(The angry passenger gives us an angry glare. My husband and I got in our cab and headed into the city and called a cab for an elderly couple of ladies who did not have a mobile phone to call for a cab. The angry passenger got off the bus and stormed angrily off somewhere, like the world was scheming against her.)

Un-Fee-sably Expensive

, , , , | Working | May 23, 2019

(I have a flight to the US on this airline booked for early this year. I have been trying to reserve an exit row seat — one of the ones that costs a ludicrous amount of money to reserve — since late 2018, to no avail. After another failed attempt, I decide to call the airline. I explain the problem…)

Agent: “What’s your booking reference?”

Me: “It’s [booking reference]. That’s Z for ‘zebra,’ A for’ anaconda,’ P for ‘panther’…”

Agent: “Hold on, hold on, hold on. Your booking reference will be six letters. What are the six letters? “

Me: “They’re [booking reference], but I—“

Agent: “Okay, and can you spell those out with words for me, honey?”

Me: “That’s what I was doing, but okay.”

(I spell it out. She corrects me to the “right” words to spell out letters, because I just made them up as I went along, but I decide to ignore it; it doesn’t bother me.)

Agent: “So, it looks like you’ve booked with an external company, so there’ll be an extra $80 fee for selecting a seat for your flight.”

Me: “Oh. Okay, well, I’m not paying that on top of the fee for the seat, so I’ll wait until the airport. Thanks for your help, bye!”

(I try to hang up, but she keeps talking, rushing to get in extra words before I can hang up.)

Agent:But if you’d booked with us, first, there wouldn’t be that fee.”

Me: “Oh. Well, but I didn’t, though.”

Agent: “Yes, but if you had, you would be saving $80.”

Me: “Well, yes, but that doesn’t really help me at all, because I didn’t. Thank you again for your help. I’m going to hang up now. Goodbye.”

Agent: “Okay, but—“

(I hung up.)

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