Happy Birthday to the United States of America!  Today we celebrate… with barbeques and picnics and parties and, of course, lots and lots of fireworks.

Here are some of our favorite stories about the Fourth of July.  Enjoy!  And if you’d like to share your own tale of the Fourth, leave us a comment or submit it here!

Happy Treason Day! — But will they be serving tea?

Viva La Revelation — There’s no independence from annoying customers…

Independent Of The Closing Times — …or the entitled customers…

Independent Of This Holiday — …or the geographically confused customer.

Independent Of Your Day — Some Americans still forget that Canada is not the US.

The Fourth Is Not Strong With This One — Some British still forget that the US is not part of Great Britain.

Murica! The Lullaby — Well, is there one?

Not The Brightest Spark In The Firework Display — Same holiday, different day?

Were You Born On The Third Of July? — Same holiday, different month?

Those Silly Colonies And Their Quaint Rebellion — Same holiday, different holiday?

Leap Days Of Logic — Different country, different calendar?

An Argument For The Separation Of Church And State — And sometimes folks forget that we still have ties to where our country came from!

(I work at a beauty retailer that gives out loyalty cards should someone want to sign up to earn points for shopping with us. It’s a great program, and usually only takes about two minutes to sign up. A woman comes up to my register and doesn’t have a card, so I start signing her up for one. She doesn’t object, and gives me information I have to ask for when filling it out. Any customer can opt out of a certain item of information.)

Me: “And lastly, birthday and month?”

Customer: *angrily* “Why do you need to know that? It’s [month, day, year].”

(I don’t need to know the year, but I put it in and give her the card. She proceeds to pout and seem angry through the entire transaction)

Me: *hands her her bag* “Have a great day!”

Customer: “Just so you know, that was incredibly rude; you didn’t need to ask me that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am?”

Customer: “It’s just inconsiderate, because some people like me are a lot older and don’t want to talk about it, and you should have thought of that.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but it’s a question I have to ask.”

Customer: *pointing angrily* “I’m never shopping here again, because you were rude. It’s just ridiculous.”

Me: “I’m really sorry, ma’am.”

(As she was walking out I could hear her talking to her two daughters saying she was going to shop at our competitor… that will also ask you for your birthday when you sign up for a card.)

(I work on a deli counter in a local supermarket. I’m opening today. It’s before seven am and I’m the only person on the counter right now. Our uniform requires us to wear a hat for health and safety, which disguises my hair. A customer approaches.)

Customer: “Hi, I was told I needed to speak to [My Name]?”

Me: “That’s me.”

Customer: “No, I don’t think so. She’s a short woman, about five foot tall.”

Me: “That could still be me, ma’am.”

Customer: “No, it wasn’t you. Maybe I’m in the wrong store. She has shoulder-length brown hair.”

Me: “Er…”

Customer: “Let me guess; so do you?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: “Well, it isn’t you!”

(The customer left. I never found out what it was she wanted or if she found my doppelgänger. Certainly one of the stranger experiences I’ve had on the counter.)

(I work in a shop that sells yarn and knitting supplies. A lady has come in and spent some time looking at our yarn, and since she looks a little puzzled, I go over and ask if I can help. Yarn is usually sold by weight, in skeins of 50 or 100 grams, and knitting patterns tell you how many grams of yarn you need.)

Me: “Can I help you find anything?”

Woman: “Yes, I was wondering if you have really large skeins of dark-grey yarn.”

Me: “I’m afraid these are the only dark-grey yarns we have.” *pointing at different kinds of yarn in 50-gram skeins*

Woman: “That’s such a shame. I have a pattern that says I need 450 grams of yarn! Fifty is definitely not enough.”

Me: *desperately trying to keep a straight face* “You could just get nine 50-gram skeins.”

(It took her at least a minute to work that out!)

(As a bakery owner, what I can sell unfortunately often comes down to cost, even if I personally like the item in question. So, if I can’t make money selling something, I won’t sell it. This is a summation of several of the same kind of conversations I have with potential customers on a regular basis when they find out I own a confectionery and bakery.)

Customer: “You should stock [item]! It would sell a lot!”

Me: “Okay, if I did would you and your friends buy it at roughly [price #1]?”

Customer: “Well, my friends wouldn’t, but I would!”

Me: “Okay, how often would you buy it? And how much would you buy?”

Customer: “One, and once a week!”

Me: “Okay, so, you want me to stock an item all the time that only you would be guaranteed to buy, so that you can buy it, but only one, only once a week?”

Customer: “Yeah!”

Me: “Well, okay. How about this; why not just place a standing order for one once a week? It’ll be [price #2].”

Customer: “What?! Are you kidding me?! I can’t afford that! Why did the price go up? [Price #1] is much more than [price #2].”

Me: “Because you said you’re only willing to buy one [item], so I’d have to charge you for the price of only one. If I was able to sell them in volume, and thus make them in batches, I could sell them roughly at [price #1].”

Customer: “But that’s too high. I want [price #1]!”

Me: “Well, I told you I can’t make money selling one, once a week, at [price #1]. So, you want me to lose lots of money so that you can have your treat at the price you want? That doesn’t sound like a very good deal for me.”

Customer: “Well… But… but… but I want one.”