(I greeted a customer in the ‘C’ section of the CD department.)
Me: “Can I help you find something?”
Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to find a Red Hot Chili Peppers CD.”
Me: “Well, that would be under ‘R’. I’ll show you.”
Customer: “Oh. I was going to check under ‘H’ next.”
Me: “…”
(Many years ago, in an electronics store far, far away…)
Woman: “I just bought this computer and I can’t connect to Prodigy.”
(eMachine had offered a $400 rebate for users who signed up for a year of Prodigy ISP, but the modems in their PCs wouldn’t work with Prodigy. Doh!)
Me: “Yes, there’s a problem with some of the eMachines not working with Prodigy. I’ll put a new modem in for you and it will work. You can come back in about an hour to pick it up.”
Woman: “I don’t want you to do that!”
Me: “Uh… what?”
Woman: “I don’t see why I have to get this fixed!”
Me: “Unfortunately, your computer has a faulty modem, and the problem was found after it left the factory. However, I can replace your broken modem with a brand new one for free, and that will take care of the problem.”
Woman: “But I don’t want you messing around in my computer!”
Me: “This is my job–I install computer components all day.”
Woman: “Well, I don’t want you messing around in there breaking things!”
Me: “Replacing a modem is not that complicated. It’s like putting a new tire on a car.”
Woman: “But if I just bought a new car, I shouldn’t need to have the tires changed in order to get it to work!”
Me: “Yes, I understand that. I apologize about the faulty modem, and I’m offering to fix it for free.”
Woman: “Well, I changed my mind. I don’t want that! Just cancel my Prodigy subscription.”
Me: “…so you’d want to keep the broken modem?”
Woman: “Yes, I want to keep it. Cancel my Prodigy subscription.”
Me: “Ok, you got a $400 rebate for signing up for a year’s worth of Prodigy. If you cancel it, you’ll owe us $400.”
Woman: *yelling* “WHAAAATTTTT? I’M NOT PAYING EXTRA MONEY FOR A BROKEN MODEM! I SHOULDN’T HAVE TO PAY MORE MONEY! YOU’RE JUST TRYING TO RIP ME OFF!”
Me: “You got $400 off of your computer because you signed up for a year of Prodigy. If you cancel, then you have to pay the full price! How can you not see that?”
Woman: “THIS IS B*LLSH*T! YOU’RE TRYING TO STEAL FROM ME! I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”
(We got her security instead.)
(I am one of the quickest and most efficient cashiers at my store, and often receive positive comments about this from the customers.)
Wife: “My, you’re just whizzing along! I can’t believe how fast you are!”
Husband: “Didn’t you know? That’s the store’s new policy. They only hire fast women.”
Me: *chuckles good-naturedly*
Wife: “Don’t mind my husband. We only let him out on weekends.”
This story is part of the Dad Jokes roundup!
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(I was called by the cashier to help an elderly lady out to her car. As I was loading the trunk, she says…)
Elderly Customer: “How do you say it? Muchas gracious?”
Me: “Um, I’m not Hispanic.”
Elderly Customer: “Oh, really? Where are you from?”
Me: “I’m actually from Bangladesh.”
Elderly Customer: “Really? Is that near Mexico?”
Me: “No… it’s actually right next to India.”
Elderly Customer: “Oh, I see…”
(I finish loading her trunk.)
Elderly Customer: “Thanks and aaadios!”
Me: “…”
This story is part of our 3rd Terrible At Geography roundup!
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(I live in a town where 65% of the people are 65 years old and older. When we were redoing the design of the store, they placed a large white walkway from the front door to the pharmacy.)
Customer: “Hi, I would like to pick up my prescription.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but this is the front of the store. Your prescription is in the back of the store, in the pharmacy.”
Customer: “How do I get there?”
Me: “Follow the white brick road.”
