(I was a cashier at a local grocery store one summer. At 9:00 every night, it was the bagboy’s duty to clean the store… which included vacuuming the rugs in front of the automatic doors. One night, about 8-8:30, an elderly lady comes in and sits by the doors.)

Me: “Hello! How are you tonight? Do you need any assistance?”

Lady: “No, I’m fine. I’m just going to sit here.”

Me: “Okay, then.”

(She sits there until about 9:00 until a bagboy comes out with a vacuum cleaner. He proceeds to do his job.)

Lady: “AAAH! What is that? What is that horrible noise? I can’t take it! I can’t take it!” *Walks up to the bagboy* “What are you doing? Stop it! Stop it!”

Bagboy: “I’m just vacuuming the rugs…”

Lady: “Stop it! I can’t take this noise! Why are you doing this?!”

Me & the other cashiers: “…”

(She went back to sit down and didn’t leave until late. Our managers came out and forbade the bagboys from vacuuming while she was there. For a couple more times that week she came in at 8:00 and if some bagboy even brought out the vacuum cleaner, unaware of who she was, they got an earful about the horrible noise that afflicts her.)

Customer: “Miss, do you serve Chinese food at this restaurant?”

Me: “Um… no, we serve mainly bar food, hamburgers and that sort of thing.”

Customer: *irritated and skeptical, points at one of the servers* “Yeah, but he’s Chinese.”

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(As a result of the US/Canadian currency parity, a lot of customers have been angry that they have to pay the Canadian price instead of the cheaper US price.)

Customer: “Which price do I have to pay: the American or Canadian?”

Coworker: “I’m afraid you have to pay the Canadian price.”

Customer: *angrily* “Why?”

Coworker: “Quite simply, we buy from Canadian publishers with Canadian money. Also, that book was bought before the price parity; therefore, to sell at the American price would mean that we would not be making any money.”

Customer: “Well, I want you to explain to my seven-year-old daughter why she’s not getting this book for Christmas.”

Me: “…because her dad is a cheapskate?”

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(We had sent this lady’s watch to another company, and they ended up taking a very long time with it. Two weeks before this incident she called demanding that we call them and have them send her watch back whether it was fixed or not. My manager told her that it would only take two more days, but she insisted. This happened when she came to pick it up.)

Assistant Manager: “Okay, here’s your watch, I’m sorry about that.”

Customer: “It’s not fixed!”

Assistant Manager: “Yes, you told us to call them and have them send it back whether it was fixed or not. They were almost done making a new dial for it.”

Customer: *Ranting* “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU PEOPLE! YOU ARE SO RUDE. I’M CALLING MY LAWYER!”

Assistant Manager: “I’m sorry, ma’am that’s all I can do.”

Customer: *begins to walk off, still ranting* “I’M CALLING MY LAWYER.”

(She rounds the corner and then in one last salvo comes back.)

Customer: “I AM CALLING THE NEWS!”

(An intensely inebriated individual entered our store with two women in tow, one pushing a baby carriage, wearing a Jordan jersey, sunglasses, and sporting gold fronts.)

Customer: “CRACKAS STINK! THIS STORE STINKS! CRACKA STORE STINKS!”

Me: *falls over laughing*

Customer: “GOOD LORD IT STINKS! SHE GOT PURPLE HAIR, I BET IT STINKS!”

Women With Him: “Shut up! Shut up! I’m sorry, he doesn’t–SHUT UP! ”

Me: *rolls around with glee*

Customer: “STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK!”

(And from then on I am known as stinky hair.)