Customer: “Uh, yes, I need the grey paint for the carpet. Which one is best for the carpet?”

Me: “Sir, we do not have a paint for carpet.”

Customer: “Yes, yes. No… no. You do not understand… see, I need to paint carpet, yes? You tell me which one. Yes, yes?”

Me: “Sir, like I said, it is not advisable to paint your carpet. It will harden and you will not be able to remove it, so I cannot recommend a product at this time.”

Customer: “No, no, you see wrong. I paint floor of car. It is very cheap, I like to paint the carpet, it is cheap, yes? So which one, which one?”

Me: “Sir, I don’t think you understand me when I tell you that it is not possible to spray paint carpet. You may dye it, or you may try to remove the stain. I could show you where–”

*customer cuts me off*

Customer: “No, no, you see, I need paint. For carpet, yes? And you show me which one. Yes? We do this now.”

Me: “…okay. Try that grey one over there.”

Customer: “Is it good for carpet?”

Me: *blank stare*

*pause*

Me: “Sure, why not?”

Customer: “Yes, yes, thank you!”

Me: *sigh*

(This guy with a thick Bosnian accent comes up to me.)

Customer: “I am looking for beekels.”

Me: “Beekels?”

Customer: “Okay…”

(I show him where are the bagels are.)

Customer: “No, Not bread. Beekles.”

Me: “Um…”

Customer: “The kind you put in fridge.”

Me: “Oh.”

(I go to the freezers and show him the frozen bagels.)

Customer: “NO! NOT BREAD! BEEKLES!”

Me: “I can’t… I don’t know… uh…”

(He walks away. A few Aisles away he sees it and picks up.)

Customer: “This is what I was looking for.”

Me: “Oh, pickles…”

(It is Christmas time, and we are all extra wary of credit card fraud, so we are required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)

Me: “The total is $17.88.”

(Customer pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “All right. Do you mind if I see your ID?”

Customer: “What if I do mind?”

Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”

(I folded my arms, and looked at her straight in the eyes.)

This story is part of the Clueless With Credit Cards roundup!

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This story is part of the Christmas Eve roundup!

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(I am working for the electronics department for a well known retail chain when I was contacted by the customer service desk.)

Customer Service: “A woman is headed your way who’s exchanging a phone, can you give her a hand?”

Me: “Sure.”

(Sure enough, a minute or two later, the woman appears.)

Woman: “I’m here to get a new phone. The phone I bought had been used already; there were phone numbers in the caller ID.”

Me: “Alright, let’s get you a new one.”

(I walk her to the phone aisle and we pick up another phone of the same make/model.)

Woman: “Can you open it? I just want to make sure that it is brand new.”

Me: “Sure.”

(I proceed to open the box and pull out the phone.)

Woman: “That one’s been used too! Look at the numbers on the caller ID!”

(I now realize that she’s referring to the display sticker.)

Me: “No, that’s just a sticker they put on the phone to show that it has caller ID.”

Woman: “No, that phone has been used!”

(I then peel the sticker off the phone. Without saying another word, she takes the phone over to customer service to finish the exchange.)

(I was cashiering and couldn’t help but overhear a woman screaming and waving her receipt at my Store Director in front of the exit/entrance to the store.)

Customer: “This is ridiculous! I came to see if the food I buy is cheaper than at [competitor] and it is. But they always give me a free bag after I get a certain amount of points!”

Director: “I know they do. But we aren’t them, we simply don’t do that.”

Customer: “Well why not?!”

Director: “We just don’t. It’s not my decision to make.”

Customer: “UGH!” *rips up the receipt and throws it in the directors face* “FINE THEN, I’LL BUY FROM [competitor] INSTEAD!!”

Director: “Okay, have a nice day!” *waves pleasantly and walks over to me to give me change that I needed*

Me: “Did she just leave without getting a refund for those five 40 lb. bags of dog food?”

(Note: this comes to approximately $125 without tax.)

Director: “Yup, and she ripped up the receipt and didn’t take it with her, which means she has no proof she ever bought the food.”

Me: “…so if she comes back?”

Director: *smiles wide* “Tell her that you need to see the proof.”

(The woman never returned for her refund. Thanks for the $125, lady.)