I play violin at various events, most often weddings. I get most of my clients by responding to requests posted online. This email conversation is just one of several similar responses I receive when replying to ads in the gigs section of a popular classifieds site.

Me: [Typical opening pitch].

Response: [My name], thanks so much for the response. We did get the gig filled, but I have referred your name to my daughter’s wedding planner.

Here’s what I don’t understand: why are you paying a wedding planner and also posting ads for musicians and who knows what else for a wedding that is only two weeks away? Has your wedding planner failed to find someone in the time you have been working with them and so you are now having to plan the wedding yourself? Isn’t the point of hiring a wedding planner to let them plan the wedding so you don’t have to? Either the wedding planner is scamming you, or you are not allowing them to do the job you hired them to do.

I work as a pharmacy clerk, checking out patients with their prescriptions. Our card readers are a little behind schedule, only being updated to take debit in 2015, and the lack of card reader for the new chips cards come with has caused some confusion. A coworker made some bright pink signs reading “Sorry no chip” and taped them over the card slots at each card reader. Despite this, customers still asked daily:

“‘Sorry no chip.’ What does that mean?”

“No chip? Does that mean you can’t take cards?”

*trying to lift the pink note and insert their card* “So do y’all take the chip yet?”

(I’ve just started working at a phone kiosk in a store that requires a membership to get in. Often the store does promotions on phone upgrades as an incentive to buy directly from the store. We sell phones for major carriers but we are a third party seller and not responsible if something goes wrong after our 90 day return policy. I’ve just finished handling two complicated sales when a woman comes up to me.)
Customer: The battery on my phone isn’t working. Can you fix it for me?
Me: Which phone do you have?
Customer: (specific phone).
Me: I’m sorry but the battery life on those phones are notoriously bad. You might need to call the phone company directly about your warranty.
Customer: But you sold me the phone last year!
Me: Then you have a one year warranty if something goes wrong, call the phone company.
Customer: But the guy who sold me the phone didn’t handle the transaction right! It was a young guy who looked like him….he did it!
(She points to my coworker who did not start working at the kiosk until way after she bought the phone)
Me: Ma’am the people who were working at the kiosk last year are not working here anymore. They were fired for being bad employees. I’m sorry if they did not handle the sale correctly but the kiosk is under new management and there is nothing we can do.
Customer: Well it’s the same kiosk so you have to fix it. It’s your fault!
Me: Like I said the people who worked here before were already fired. It is after our 90 day return policy and we can’t fix their mistakes. Furthermore the battery on your phone has been proven to have problems. You need to call the phone company about you warranty.
Customer: Well you should fix it because I bought it here and it’s your fault!
(She stormed away muttering about our incompetence)
Me (to my coworker): What did she expect? A free phone?
Coworker: People just assume because they bought a membership that’s cheaper than Amazon prime that they can get more shit out of us. They’re lucky we give them these promotions at all.

(I work in a bakery. The number one thing I say to customers.)
Me: We are not a scratch bakery.

(The number one question I want to ask customers.)
Me: Why can’t you pre-order?!

(I am waiting at a UPS store to get a paper notarized and I overhear one of the employees on the phone with a customer.)

Employee, after being in the phone for a few minutes: Wait, what? You can’t come in and get a paper notarized for your sister…. because you’re not your sister, that’s why. No, you can’t just pretend to be your sister, that’s not how that works…

(This goes on for a while.)

Employee: For the love of God, I cannot notarize a paper for your sister without your sister actually being here!

Customer: I’M PAYING YOUR SALARY YOU ASSHOLE! You’re telling ME that I can’t get my paper NOTARIZED just because I’m not my sister! Well I’m sorry that I’m not her! ALL ANYONE EVER CARES ABOUT IS MY SISTER. PAY ATTENTION TO ME FOR ONCE! I’M A F*CKING PRINCESS!

(No wonder her sister seemed to be more well-liked, as she later came in and apologized for her sibling’s bad behavior over the phone, and was surprisingly nice about it. The funny thing? She didn’t even need that paper notarized, she needed it mailed, which her sibling totally could have done for her without her screaming breakdown over the phone.)