Unfiltered Story #56774

Unfiltered | March 28, 2016

(I am working as a waiter at a family restaurant. One of my tables is currently occupied by a family that comes in about once a month. It’s at the end of their meal and I’ve just taken care of their payment.)

Waiter: “Okay, here’s your receipt. Is there anything else I can get for you right now?”

Customer: “No, we’ll be okay, thank you.”

Waiter: “Alright, well then you have a wonderful afternoon and we’ll see you next time.”

(I am about to turn and leave them when the customer speaks up again.)

Customer: “I hope you don’t mind me asking but have you thought about being a Jehovah’s witness?”

Waiter: “Um… No… I can’t say that’s something I ever thought about.”

Customer: “You should consider it. I think you would be very good at it.”

Unfiltered Story #32318

Unfiltered | March 27, 2016

(One of the boys in my classes likes a certain presidential candidate that most of my class, including me, hates. This happens after school with the kid who likes this candidate, another kid who hates him, and my crush. Note that at this time, the phrase, “You need some milk,” has been popularized, and is said whenever you say something that is wrong with someone else.)

Student #1: “[Presidential Candidate] FOR PRESIDENT!!!!”

Me and Student #2: “NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!”

My Crush: “Hey, why are you guys yelling?”

Me: “[Student #1] supports [Presidential Candidate]!”

My Crush: *to [Student #1]* “You need some milk.”

Unfiltered Story #18401

Unfiltered | March 27, 2016

(I am visiting the city library. The best parking spots are full, so I part about three blocks away and walk. I see a lady standing by her car looking distraught.)

Me: Do you need any help?

Lady: My car battery died…

Me: Lemme go grab my car, I have jumper cables.

Lady: Oh, thank you!

(I retrieve my car, give her a jumpstart and she drives away… leaving me her primo parking spot right across from the library!)

Unfiltered Story #67138

Unfiltered | March 27, 2016

(I’m standing in line at a small supermarket waiting for the self-service checkouts. We are near a University campus with a high population of foreign students who often struggle using the machines. Two guys are standing in front of me)

Guy #1: God I hate these machines, noone knows how to use them and you’re waiting for ages.

Guy #2: I know, why can’t they just hire more people?

(Both guys were being completely serious, apparently not thinking logically!)

Unfiltered Story #28050

Unfiltered | March 27, 2016

(My friend is over at my house and my cat is skiddish around new people. She turns to look behind the couch at the exact moment he is using the litter box then he turns around, sees her, and jumps.)

Me: *Laughs* What are you? A cucumber?

(Later she takes a quiz about what vegetable she is.)

Friend: I just took a quiz about what vegetable I am…it was cucumber…

(I burst out laughing.)