For When Your Brain Just Goes Ker-Chunk

, , , , | Working | October 19, 2017

(I work in a small retail store, in which we have a manual “sticker gun” that we use to create price labels for merchandise. You set the price, pull a trigger, and a price label comes out. Due to the noise it makes every time you pull the trigger, my coworker and I start calling it the “ker-chunker” and the labels in it are always referred to as “doo-hickeys.” We always know exactly what we mean when one of us says to the other “hand me the ker-chunker,” but we get weird looks from customers, which is expected. My coworker calls the supply company to order more labels. She gets on the phone with the supply rep, and completely freezes.)

Coworker: “I need… some doo-hickeys. For my ker-chunker.”

Rep: *without missing a beat* “Oh. Labels for your price gun? What size?”

Coworker: *amazed* “How on earth did you do that?!”

Call-Back Attack

, , , , , | Right | October 3, 2017

(I work as a secretary for a fairly high-end salon.)

Me: “[Salon], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yes, I think I missed a call from your number and wanted to call you back and make sure.”

Me: *hasn’t made any outgoing calls* “No, ma’am, but if you would tell me the reason for your call, perhaps I could help?”

Caller: “Oh, no! I’ll wait! You can call me back.”

Me: “But, ma’am…”

Caller: “It’s okay. You can call me back.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Okay. Goodbye.”

(I learned later that this woman made four of these calls, and all she really wanted was to reschedule her appointment, which I could have done if she had said anything.)

Irony Is Calling For You

, , , , | Right | September 22, 2017

(I’m a nurse in a medical office, and I am in the middle of treating a patient, when a cell phone begins ringing.)

Patient: “It is SO rude for you to let your phone go off while you are taking care of me! I should be your only priority, and I can’t believe they just let you play with your phone in here. I’ll just have to speak to your manager about this!”

Me: “Um, ma’am, that is your phone.”

Patient: “Oh goodness, it is.” *then answers phone and begins loud annoying conversation that keeps me from doing my job*

Transitioning Away From Toxic People

, , , , , | Friendly | September 18, 2017

(I’m at a gay bar with some friends, and we’re talking to some people we’ve never met before. I’m a trans guy.)

Girl #1: “Who do we have here? [Friend #1], [Friend #2], and…” *points to me*

Me: “[My Name].”

Girl #2: “That’s a guy’s name.”

Me: “Yeah… I’m a guy. I’m trans.”

Girl #2: “That’s stupid.”

Me: “What?”

Girl #2: “You’re not trans. You’re just gay and can’t admit it, because you’ve been raised in such a homophobic world. Just admit your love for women as a lesbian.”

Me: “Uh… I’m queer. I like people: men, women, whatever. I’m not ashamed of that.”

Girl #2: “Pfft, whatever. Call me when this trans thing is over; you’re cute.”

(My friends and I are speechless as the girl leaves. The first girl watches her leave and turns to us.)

Girl #1: “So, she’s dead to me. Shall I buy the next round?”