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Not Unless It Has A Prenup

, , | Right | December 6, 2007

(This is where I entered the conversation.)

Lady Customer: “Yes, I have at home a ‘widows’ computer. Will the software work on a ‘widows’ computer?”

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Must Be A Vegan

, , | Right | December 2, 2007

Me: “Hi. What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Let me see.” *looks at the menu* “A sub.”

Me: “What kind of sub do you want, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want provolone cheese?”

Me: “What kind of meat would you like?”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “What kind of meat?”

Customer: *agitated* “Are you being rude?”

(She storms out and stands in front of the store for a few minutes telling people not to come in because of a rude employee.)

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All That For Nothing

, , | Right | November 30, 2007

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Restaurant]. Can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, please, you sell doonoo?”

Me: “I’m sorry? Do we sell what?”

Customer: *points at menu board* “You know, noots!”

Me: *looks up to where he’s pointing which is a picture of some bagels* “Bagels?”

Customer: “No! Noots! Doonoots!”

(This goes on for several minutes, both of us getting more and more frustrated, until…)

Me: “Wait, are you saying nuts?”

Customer: “Yes, yes!”

Me: “We have peanuts for our ice cream sundaes.”

Customer: “No, no, no. DOOnoots!”

Me: *with a huge smile of understanding* “You mean doughnuts?!”

Customer: “Yes!”

(Keep in mind we have been working on this for a good five minutes. He now looks so excited that what I say next nearly breaks my heart.)

Me: “No, I’m sorry. We don’t sell doughnuts.”


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That’s Nothing A Little Duct Tape Can’t Fix

, , , , | Right | November 11, 2007

Customer: “I want a computer where I can type in Russian and it will print in English.”

Me: “Sir, I’m afraid we don’t have Russian keyboards.”

Customer: “No, that’s fine. I’ll just tape Russian letters on.”

Me: “Sir, it will still be an English keyboard.”

Customer: “Okay, so what if I glue the letters on?”

Me: *thunk thunk thunk* “Still English.”

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