(I work at a fast food restaurant. For some reason, people don’t seem to understand sizes. I am often on the drive-thru, and you would not believe the frequency with which these exact exchanges occur, with multiple customers.)

Me: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I’ll just have a #1.”

Me: “What size would you like that combo?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Okay, and what size?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “[Soda].”

Me: *over-enunciating* “Do you want the fries and drink small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “Actually, make that a [Other Soda].”

Me: *picks random size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Another incident: a customer goes through the process of ordering whatever food, and then…)

Me: “Small, medium, or large?”

Customer: “What does that mean?”

Me: “What size do you want [Item] in?”

Customer: “What does it come in?”

Me: “It comes in either small, medium, or large.”

Customer: “I’ll take a regular.”

Me: “So, you want that in a medium?”

Customer: “No, just give me the regular size.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll make that a small.”

Customer: “Just give me whatever size it comes in!”

Me: *picks size for them* “Thank you. Please pull forward.”

(Plot twist: sometimes the customer really wants “extra large,” which is not an actual size here, and pulls all the way back through the line to have us get their order “right.”)

(It’s finals week, and we’re English majors in a 200 level class.)

Professor: “You may bring any notes or texts you wish for the final; it’s open book. I’m not here to make you memorize random facts. I’m trying to teach you how to find the answers you’re looking for. Anything in the room is fair game.”

Classmate: “Can we use the Internet?”

Professor: “That would not be in the room, so no. Review your texts, take notes, and feel free to help each other out. Anything in the room can be used. See you tomorrow for the test.”

(I go home and do a quick review, tabbing a few pertinent facts in my book, and come to take the test the next day. Most of the test is fairly simple, or at least easy to look up with over 20 people working together. Then, we hit a snag.)

Classmate #1: “Anyone got 23, yet?”

(There is a chorus of “No,” after which we all start searching for the answer, with no luck.)

Me: *after a good five minutes, and realizing that we won’t have time to finish if this goes on much longer* “Hey, [Professor]?”

Professor: “Yes?”

Me: “You said we could use any resources in the room, right?”

Professor: “I did.”

Me: *screwing up my courage* “Well, you’re in the room. So, what’s the answer to number 23?”

(The whole room falls silent, with everyone staring at me while I blush and fight to maintain composure. The teacher blinks a few times, as if she had never considered that possibility, and then looks down at the book in her lap, turning the pages. I figure she’s not going to answer, and go back to hunting through the text.)

Professor: *after a minute* “Page 143.”

(I immediately flip to said page and start skimming; the answer is in the second paragraph, barely mentioned and without a single other reference in the entire book. You’d have to go page-by-page to find it, if you didn’t already know where it was.)

Me: “Thanks, [Professor].”

Professor: “Don’t make a habit of it. I’m administering the test, not taking with you.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Thank you.” *to the class* “Twenty-three is .”

(We all passed, and yes, we got number 23 correct. The professor now specifies that she and her TAs are not testing resources.)

(My sister works for a travel agency. Most of her clients rent vacation homes in the Caribbean: Barbuda, Antigua, and other islands recently devastated by a record-breaking hurricane. Because of this disaster, she has been continuously fielding calls from irate customers who either demand refunds, want to know why their flight is cancelled, or generally display a lack of concern for those who lost everything in the hurricane. Then, she gets this gem of a gentleman.)

Caller: “Hi! I wonder if you can tell me about my upcoming vacation. I’m worried the hurricane probably ruined the beach house. I also want to check my flight and see if it’s possible that it’s still a go.”

Sister: “Okay, let me look up your account… Yeah, it looks like your reservation was on one of the islands affected; we haven’t been able to contact anyone on the island, period, let alone the specific owner of the condo you reserved. I don’t see any problems with the airline listed, but that doesn’t mean it will still fly out; everything is a mess down there.”

Caller: “That’s not too surprising. I looked up the airport information, and it looks like they had some damage but are staying open.”

Sister: “I don’t know how long it will take to get the systems back to normal, but I have the information you need to try and start the process for a refund. I know it’s frustrating that everything is held up at the moment, but if you could fill out the forms at least, we can send them for you as soon as possible.”

Caller: “Oh, I don’t plan to cancel. I am just loading up my suitcases with supplies that people are running out of down there, and I’m going to try and volunteer for something if the flight isn’t cancelled. Thanks!” *hangs up*

Sister: *speechless*

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(One of our users has brought in her work-supplied laptop which is not booting. The computer is badly beaten up, with a cracked screen and dented and scuffed exterior, so it will probably not be covered under warranty. There are also a lot of sticky droplets on the screen and keyboard – signs of possible liquid damage. My colleague, who has been working on the computer for hours, decides to ask the customer a bit more about this:)

Coworker: “Have any liquids come in contact with this computer?”

Customer: “No, no liquids.”

Coworker: “Are you sure? No coffee or soda? Maybe water?”

Customer: “No, no liquids. Well, except for sneezes!”

(I’m 16 years old and I am am getting in the car with my dad, to leave my basketball game.)

Dad: “Hey. I have a headache, and we’re just going to go straight home. Is that okay?”

Me: “Okay.”

(We drive past his favorite fast food place.)

Me: “Hey, we should get some.”

(The car literally screeches into the parking lot and my life flashes in front of my eyes.)

Dad: “For my headache.”