Me: “You find everything okay today, ma’am?”
Customer: “Oh my God! What’s wrong with your face? Are you okay?”
Me: “What? What are you talking about?”
Customer: “Your jaw! It’s so swollen!”
Me: “Um… no, I’m just fine.”
Customer: “Oh… your left jaw is just so huge, I thought, maybe… never mind.”
Me: “Good morning, ma’am. How may I help you?”
Hotel Guest: “I was charged for two movies last night that I did not watch.”
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but unfortunately I can not adjust these movies off. They were completely viewed from beginning to end–both movies.”
Hotel Guest: “That’s absurd, there’s no way I saw those movies last night. I was asleep. What are the movies that were watched?”
Me: “They’re adult movies, ma’am…”
Hotel Guest: *enraged* “I DID NOT WATCH ANY DIRTY MOVIES!”
Me: “Is there someone else in your room that may have ordered them?”
Hotel Guest: “It’s just me and my boyfriend…”
Me: *tight smile*
Hotel Guest: “Oh. My. God. He ordered p*rn. We’re at a romantic getaway and he orders p*rn! I’m going to kill him!”
(I used to work in a shop selling overpriced family coats of arms in a shop at a certain theme park in Florida. After a transaction has gone through, this customer turns to her daughter.)
Customer: “Was that lucky?”
Oracle Child: *stares blankly*
Customer: “Was it unlucky to buy it using that card?”
Oracle Child: “Yes…”
Customer: “You sure it was unlucky?”
Oracle Child: “Yes.”
Customer: “I have to cancel that purchase and use a different card.”
Coworker: “It’s already gone through.”
Customer: “This is [Theme Park]!”
(My coworker had to oblige the customer and handed her the forms to cancel it. Stupidly, she refused to sign the forms and stormed out with her husband and Oracle Child in tow.)
This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup!
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Read the Peculiar Customers roundup!
Customer: “Hi, I’d like one of those balloons. The Dora one, please?”
Me: “Sure thing!”
Customer: “What do you fill those with? Propane?”
Me: “(!?) Uh, no. Helium.”
Customer: “Is it going to explode in my car?”
Me: “No, it shouldn’t…”
This story is part of our Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!
Read the next Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup story!
Read the Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!
(I had a severe headache from having been locked in the store overnight while the floor was being stripped. The store opened on time and the manager arrived in street clothes to help move displays back to the tile.)
Old Lady: “Do you want to look in my shopping bag?
Me: “No, ma’am, you’re fine.”
Old Lady: “LOOK IN MY BAG!”
Me: “I don’t need to.”
(The old lady comes over, opens it, and shoves it in my face.)
Me: “Okay, then…”
(I peeked in the bag and saw her groceries from another store.)
Old Lady: “What the h*** do you think you are doing? I’m not a thief! Where do you get off doing something like that! Just because I am old doesn’t make me a thief!”
Me: “What? Where do you get off coming in here and raising your voice at me?”
Store Manager: *quiet*
Old Lady: “There was no reason to look in my bag!”
Me: “I don’t know what your problem is, but you are going to take it with you and leave this store right now!”
Store Manager: *still quiet*
Old Lady: “You had no right to look in my bag!”
Me: “Ma’am, you demanded I look in that bag. Even the store manager heard you do it. I’m in no mood for your paranoid games. If you ever come back in here and treat any of my employees the way you have just treated me, I’ll escort you through that door so fast you’ll get whiplash.”
Old Lady: *huffs out*
Store Manager: “A little tired, are we buddy?”
