Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]; how may I help you?”

Lady: “I would like to make a return.”

Me: “Alright, that should be fine. We allow returns on regularly priced clothing as long as it has the tags on it.”

Lady: “Alright, great. So do I give you my phone number?”

Me: “Pardon…?”

Lady: “To do the return?”

Me: “I’m sorry, you need to come into the store to do returns. We need to get the item you’re returning back.”

Lady: “That’s ridiculous! You mean I need to get gas for my car and COME DOWN THERE?!”

Me: “Yes…”

Lady: *click*

This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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Customer: “I’ll have a margarita, please.”

(I get a margarita and serve it to the woman.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss? Can I please have another margarita? This one doesn’t have enough quatilia in it.”

Me: “Ma’am, your drink is strong, I can guarantee it.”

Customer: “How do you know there is enough quatilia in this?”

Me: “Because you said, ‘Quatilia.'”

Customer: “Yeah, and?”

Me: “It’s called ‘tequila.'”

(The customer’s face turned a nice shade of crimson.)

This story is part of our Margarita roundup!

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(Note: this is before Halo 3 has come out. A customer walks into the store and looks at the display cases of Halo 3.)

Customer: “HALO 3 IS OUT! HOW DID I MISS IT?! Do you have any copies left?”

Me: “No. The game does not come out for another month.”

Customer: “Then why do you have the cases out on the floor already?! It’s ridiculous! It serves no purpose but to taunt the customer. I hate when stores do this!”

(Customer turns and complains to his friend for five minutes, then turns back to me.)

Customer: “Is there any way that I can reserve Halo 3?”

Me: “Yes, you can, for $5.”

(Customer buys the reserve.)

Me: *as he is leaving* “And the cases serve their purpose.”

This story is part of the Bad-Gamer-Customer-themed roundup!

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(We have a program called MVP where you pay an amount and get movies based on which plan, and never have to pay for the movies at the counter while you have it.)

Me: “Hi, all set?”

Customer: “I have MVP!” *smiles proudly*

Me: “That’s great. I still need your ID…”

Customer: “But I have MVP.”

Me: “So do many other people, I need your ID to look up your account…”

(This went on for a moment more before she finally told me her phone number. Worse part? It was the third time she’s done it.)

Customer: “Yes, I’m calling to complain. Your store has false advertising. You say you have the cheapest [item] prices in town, and I just came from a store that is selling them cheaper.”

Me: “Really? Well let me call, and you can call back in five minutes, okay?”

(I call the store and soon she calls back.)

Customer: “Well?”

Me: “You are correct, We sell for $5.00 and they’re selling for $4.81.”

Customer: “Like I said, false advertisement. I could sue.”

Me: “It’s a $0.19 difference.”

Customer: “With four of those, that would be a dollar!”

Me: “Correction, that would be $0.76. Would you like to sue me for that complete bill or should be round it up to a whole dollar?”

Customer: “I will never shop with you again!”

Me: “There will never be a need.”