Me: “Thank you for calling tech support. This is [My Name]. How may I help you?”
Customer: “Come mow my lawn!”
Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”
Customer: “I said, come mow my lawn!”
Me: “I’m sorry, this is tech support. Are you having trouble with your cable TV or Internet?”
Customer: “I know who this is! I want you to mow my lawn! In the rain! I pay y’all enough every month, so you better come mow it!” *click*
Me: “…”
Customer: “So it says ‘message sent’… does that mean it’s been sent?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer: “Oh okay. So they should receive that, then?”
Me: “Yep.”
Customer: “Okay. And I mean, if they received it, will they get back to me right away?”
Me: “Well, it depends how long it takes them.”
Customer: “Oh. So how do I know if it’s sent?”
Me: “It says ‘message sent’ on the screen.”
Customer: “Oh okay. So when should I expect a reply?”
Me: “…”
(Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time this routine has been carried out, with the same person.)
(I was working checkouts the other day when I overheard this happening at the service desk.)
Customer: “Hi, I’d like to return these outfits.”
Coworker: “All right, may I see your receipt?”
(The customer hands over a receipt dated about seven months ago.)
Coworker: “I’m sorry, we can only accept returns within the first ninety days.”
Customer: “But my child outgrew these! Am I supposed to just lose money on them?”
Coworker: “Ma’am, children do tend to outgrow clothing.”
Customer: “Well, what am I supposed to do with them? Why should I lose money because of this?!”
Coworker: “…”
This story is part of the Embarrassing Parents roundup!
Read the next Embarrassing Parents roundup story!
Read the Embarrassing Parents roundup!
Me: “Good morning, sir, would you like a room for the night?”
Husband: “Ummmmm… I dunno, let me go ask my wife.”
(He leaves for about ten minutes.)
Husband: “She said yes. How much for one bed?”
Me: “It’s 79 plus tax, sir, but the only single bedrooms we have right now are smoking rooms.”
Husband: “Okay, let me go ask my wife.”
(He’s gone for another ten minutes or so. He comes back with his wife.)
Wife: “Why don’t you have any non-smoking rooms?”
Me: “We sold out of them earlier this afternoon. In fact, we only have three rooms left for the night.”
Wife: “Well, that’s the stupidest thing I’ve heard in all my life! You are going to rent me a room or I’m going to have to speak to your manager!”
Me: “Okay, ma’am, what kind of room would you like? ”
Wife: “WE would like a single, NON-SMOKING ROOM!”
Me: “I already told you and your husband that we only have smoking rooms available.”
Wife: “I. WANT. NON. SMOKING.”
Me: “I only have smoking rooms left. If you want, though I can give you the location of another hotel.”
Husband: “We’re only gonna be here a few hours. Smoking is fine. I’m just sleeping.”
(They bicker back and forth for nearly twenty minutes. Another customer comes up to the desk, and I offer to help her.)
Wife: “You will not help anyone else until you help me!”
(The other customer doesn’t seem to mind and stands back.)
Wife: “Just give me the stupid smoking room.”
Me: “I need to see your driver’s license, ma’am.”
Wife: “WHAT? ARE YOU F***ING KIDDING ME! I’VE NEVER BEEN ASKED FOR MY LICENSE AT ANY HOTEL BEFORE!”
Me: “Ma’am, it’s standard procedure for pretty much any hotel you go to. It’s for liability reasons, and in case the room is damaged in any way.”
Wife: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE A F***ING SPY! I WILL NOT BE KEPT UNDER SURVEILLANCE! F*** YOU AND YOUR STUPID F***ING HOTEL!”
(The wife proceeds to throw everything she can reach at me, and tries coming over the counter at me. She then starts stripping off her clothes and running around in circles in the lobby. Thankfully the other customer calls 911 and the police arrive in moments. I gave the second lady a complimentary room.)
This story is part of our Weird Hotel Guests roundup!
Read the next Weird Hotel Guests roundup story!
Read the Weird Hotel Guests roundup!
(Customer calls our department.)
Me: “Bath and Bedding Department…”
Customer: “Yes, do you guys carry sheets?”
Me: “Yes we do.”
Customer: “Do you carry king-sized sheets?”
Me: “Yes we do.”
Customer: “Do you have a lot of sheets?”
Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have a wide variety of sheets.”
Customer: “Good. I need you to put on hold for me a green set. Then again, put on hold a rose color too. Oh, and ivory and white. And some navy. I’ll be in to pick out what I want.”
Me: “But what kind of sheets? We have several brands and thread counts to choose from…”
Customer: “What is your name?”
Me: *gives her my name*
Customer: “Okay, I am going to come into your store and find you! Just be sure to get me those colors. I’ll be there in an hour!” *hangs up*
(Of course, she never showed up.)
