I work in a tax office that’s in an office complex shared with a couple of doctors’ offices. A guy comes in who can only speak Spanish. I grab my Spanish-speaking coworker to translate, and they chat for a few minutes.

After the guy leaves, my coworker comes back up to us, looking a bit exasperated.

Coworker: “Did you guys do that on purpose?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Coworker: “Did you put him up to that?”

Me: “No! What did he say?”

Coworker: “That guy just told me all about his swollen balls, in very graphic detail, like it was nothing. I had to tell him he was looking for one of the doctors’ offices.”

Me: “He thought we were a doctor’s office?”

Coworker: “Yeah! He just walked into the first door he saw; he didn’t read any signs. I had to tell him, ‘Sorry, sir, we do taxes, not testicles.'”

I’m picking up my dog from daycare.

Me: “Hi, I’m here to pick up [Dog].”

Worker: “Okay, and can I confirm breed and color?”

I provide that information but also say:

Me: “You should have that information on file. What happened?” *Laughs* “Did you misplace him?”

The worker looks embarrassed.

Me: “Wait… you’re kidding?”

Worker: “Well, we didn’t misplace any… per se?”

They look like they’re about to continue, but instead, they leave that statement just hanging.

Me: “Aaaaand?!”

Worker: “Well, someone left the side door open to the play area, and some of them got out into the street. We managed to get them all back in, though!”

Me: “Oh… that’s worrying, but I’m glad you got them all back.”

Worker: “But afterward, we ended up with more dogs than when we started, so we’re double-checking with clients.”

Me: “…”

I did not take my dog back there again!

Customer: “You made my sweet tea wrong yesterday, so I want it free today!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that, sir. Do you have your receipt?”

Customer: “No, but I still have the cups in my car to prove it!”

He pulls up the payment window where I am and confidently places down a half-full McDonald’s cup of sweet tea.

Me: “Sir, this is a Starbucks.”

He looks at my uniform, then looks up at the building, then at the cups, and then at me AGAIN in case I am just screwing with him.

Customer: “Well, your tea sucks, too!” *Drives off*

I am shopping at a large hardware store when I see a woman having some kind of meltdown at the service desk. She is pointing and screaming at some employees while talking to a manager.

Customer: “I don’t understand! You have some right there!”

Manager: “Ma’am, just because we have staff who are Hispanic, it does not automatically make them contractors!”

Customer: “They are contractors and I need them! Why am I not getting the service I am paying for?!”

Manager: “Ma’am! You want to pay for the wood, but we don’t offer contracting services. You need to install your deck yourself or hire someone to do it yourself.”

Customer: “That’s what I am trying to do, and you have Mexicans! Rent them to me!”

I am about to walk away — I am getting uncomfortable with the blatant racism — but then I see the police being escorted into the building by another employee. They’re directed to the screaming woman. She refuses to calm down, and so is escorted from the premises, knocking some items over in a frustrated rage as she does so. I approach the manager.

Me: “If it’s helpful for you to have any witnesses to that who aren’t employees, I’d be happy to put my contact details down.”

Manager: “That’s very kind of you, but we have cameras everywhere.”

Me: “What was she screaming about?”

Manager: “Oh, she woke up this morning and decided she wanted to have a deck built there and then, and she thought that just buying the decking from us included installation and labor. When I said we didn’t offer that service, she tried to demand that we ‘rent’ out some of our Hispanic staff to install it for her.”

Me: “Wow.”

Manager: “Yeah. We get a lot of crazy here, but we have to call the police when they start to threaten to enslave our staff.” 

Related:
Employees Are Not Human!

My sixteen-year-old nephew is visiting us for a couple of weeks. About three days into his visit, this conversation takes place.

Nephew: “Aunt [My Name], when are you planning to do the laundry?”

Me: “Not planning to for a couple of days. Do you need to use the washing machine?”

Nephew: “I have some clothes that need to be washed.”

Me: “Okay. Nobody is using the washer right now, so go ahead and use it.”

Nephew: “Some of them need to be washed in cold water.”

Me: “You can pick whatever water temperature you want. All the control knobs are on the top, and the directions are on the underside of the lid.”

Nephew: “I need you to understand that some clothes will be ruined if you wash them in hot water. It is very important. You will need to separate them. These shorts—” *holds up a pair of gym shorts* “—are polyester. Polyester cannot be washed in hot water. And it cannot go in the dryer. You need to hang it up to dry.”

It finally dawns on me that he expects me to do his laundry.

Me: “[Nephew], you are free to choose any wash cycle or any water temperature you want when you do your laundry. The directions for using the washer are on the underside of the lid. And if you ever try to lecture me again on how to do basic household chores that you apparently have never done, this will be your last visit.”

The nephew did his laundry. I don’t know if he ruined his precious polyester gym shorts or not.