(I am a resident on long call, staying after all of the other residents leave at 5:00 pm and admitting patients until the night team takes over. Near 8:00 pm, I get a call from the emergency department to admit a patient who was brought from her primary care provider’s office. Her condition is not that serious and she is generally pleasant, except for one thing:)

Patient: “[Attending Doctor] promised me that he would meet me right when I arrived!”

Me: “Oh? When did you speak with him?”

Patient: “When I was in the clinic.”

(Note that that was six or seven hours ago.)

Me: “Oh, well, the ambulance company never tells us a time of arrival, and it sounds like yours was pretty delayed. And the ED doesn’t tell every attending doctor when they admit a patient. [Attending Doctor] likely isn’t at the hospital anymore, but I’m sure he would have been here if he had known what time you were coming.”

Patient: “But he promised that he would be here waiting for me when I arrived!”

(She brought it up over and over again, making sure to interject it after each question she answered. I was a little taken aback by how fixated she was on this, especially considering how calm she was about her actual medical condition, and also by the fact that she assumed doctors don’t have lives and spend all of their copious free time at the hospital instead of with, I don’t know, their families? It turns out [Attending Doctor] was at a meeting and he drove back to the hospital to see the patient when it was done. I’m sure the patient was still upset that he did not use his psychic powers to know the exact time she arrived so he could be at the emergency department doors to greet her.)

(I am sixteen years old and it’s my first day of working at a clothing store. After I clock in for the day, a bewildered-looking customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me, miss? I was just in the fitting room and I think you need to go in there right now.”

(Confused, I follow her to the fitting room. When I enter it, I hear two people in the handicapped room and it is obvious they are having sex. The customer laughs at the look of horror that is on my face and says she is just as uncomfortable as I am, so I ask the customer to follow me to the registers. Then, I go to the storage room to call my manager.)

Me: “Hi, [Manager]! I am sorry to bother you, but could you come down to the juniors department? There is… erm… a situation in the fitting rooms.”

(I explain the situation, and the first thing she says is:)

Manager: “Oh, my God, [My Name]! Are you kidding me?! Please don’t let anyone go into that fitting room until I get down there; where do these people come from?!”

(Luckily no one else has been in the department throughout this whole time, and ten minutes later, my manager and security come into the department. My manager apologizes to the customer while the security officer enters the fitting room. A couple of minutes later the couple walks out, looking as mortified as we all are, and are escorted to the loss prevention office as some of the clothing items they took in with them are damaged. When the couple is out of earshot, the manager turns around to me, looking apologetic.)

Manager: “I am so sorry this happened on your first day on the job, [My Name], but you handled the situation very well.”

Customer: “This is your first day?!”

(I nodded. I was still obviously uncomfortable so my manager sent me on break. While I was gone, my manager offered the customer who reported the incident a 20-dollar store gift card. Because I handled the situation so well and the customer felt bad about it happening on my first day, she insisted the manager give the card to me, instead, and wrote a good review about me to corporate. The next day, I found out from my manager that the couple had damaged at least $500 worth of merchandise.)

(In college I work for an offshore caterer. It is a Saturday in June, one of the busiest days of one of our busiest months. It’s the kind of day where we are always a little bit behind, simply because we have more deliveries than we have vans to deliver them. I show up to this customer’s house about fifteen minutes late.)

Customer: “Hi! We’ve been waiting for you!”

Me: “Yes, I’m sorry but we are slammed today. I see your guests won’t be arriving for another hour. That’s plenty of time for me to get set up and out of your way.”

(I begin bringing everything in and setting up the chafing dishes. She has a very nice table setting, and I’m very careful not to mess it up.)

Customer: “Are you sure that’s enough water in the pans? Won’t it run out?”

Me: “Yes, this is plenty, especially since all the food trays are deep; if you put too much in it will spill out all over this beautiful table.”

(The real reason is that the water keeps condensing and re-evaporating, but I don’t have time to give her a lesson in thermodynamics. I go out to get the trays of food, and as I am dropping the first one into its water pan, I can feel it hit the water, but it’s too late, and water sloshes out all over her table. I look up, stunned.)

Me: “Oh… um…”

Customer: “Oh, no! I put more in because I thought it wasn’t enough!”

Me: “Well, I did say…”

Customer: “Now my table is all messed up!”

Me: “Yeah, well, I’ll just empty these out and bring in the rest of the food, then.”

(She still tipped me, though.)

(I am pregnant, and I am working still; I work in a play area for children. Sometimes parents are not the most understanding people.)

Me: *just coming back from the bathroom for the eighth time*

Customer: “My boys have been waiting for this ride; you need to stop leaving. It’s your job to man this ride.”

Me: “I’m sorry. Okay, let me check your height, sweetie.”

(I direct him towards the height requirement, and he’s a couple inches too short; I don’t count hair.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sweetie. You’re too small for this ride.”

(The child begins to argue, but the brother, who is clearly tall enough, goes on.)

Customer: “He’s not that small; just let him on.” *starts to get irritated, crossing their arms, and giving off angry body language*

Me: “I’m sorry. I can’t let him ride for safety reasons”

Customer: “It’s fine; I’m okay with it.”

(The customer then tries to usher the smaller child on the ride. I hold out my arm to stop the child.)

Me: *feels a pain, so I suck in and my eyes widen* “I’m sorry, but I cannot let him on.”

(The customer glares, then grabs the boys and storms off in a huff. The manager walks over to the ride when I get back from another pee break.)

Manager: *looks at me with a smirk* “She tried to let the kid on when you were gone, then threatened to sue us.”

(A lady comes in to buy ink for her printer. She buys a combo pack that has both the black ink and tri-color cartridge, and also gets one extra tri-color cartridge by itself. She then comes up to check out.)

Customer: *hands me a $15-off-$75 coupon*

Me: “Oh, right now your total is $63; did you want to get anything else?”

Customer: “I guess. Get me another combo pack.”

(I go get and another combo pack and ring it up.)

Me: “Okay, now your total is $107 before the coupon.”

Customer: “What? Why so much?”

Me: “Well, each combo pack was $42, and the extra color cartridge is $23.”

Customer: “Wait, why did you scan that extra color cartridge?!”

Me: “Oh, well, you brought it up with you. Did you not want it?”

Customer: “No! Why did you scan it?! A hundred dollars is way too much; you should have known I didn’t want it.”

Me: “Um… All right. I’ll remove it.”

(I remove the extra cartridge and apply the coupon.)

Me: “Your total is $63 now.”

Customer: “See, now isn’t that better and easier when it’s done right?”

Me: “Yep.”