Totally ‘Tanga’

, , , | Right | October 8, 2014

Customer: “What do you mean you don’t have the parts on hand to fix my TV?”

Me: “Well, your TV is 12 years old. I can have the parts in a day or two.”

(The customer starts every cuss word in the book, yelling at me about my incompetence and lack of skill.)

Me: *stands there and waits until she pauses for a breath, when she does…* “Ma’am, would you like to learn some Tagalog?”

Customer: “Huh?…What’s Tagalog?”

Me: “It’s the language of the Philippines.”

Customer: “Why would I need to learn that?”

Me: *in the same, low toned and calm voice I have been using during her entire screaming session* “So you don’t have to use the same seven cuss words over and over.”

(Right after saying that, I calmly picked up my tools and headed for the door. The customer, red-faced and stuttering, tried to yell at me some more, but was at a complete loss for words.)


This story is included in our Philippines roundup – part of the Not Always Right World Tour!

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Talking At-At Cross Purposes

, , , , , | Right | September 25, 2014

(I work at a chain Italian restaurant. I am often asked questions about the menu, but every now and then a customer asks a question that catches me off guard.)

Customer #1: “No, it’s definitely an AT-AT!”

Customer #2: “No, it’s an AT-LT!”

Customer #1: “Ask our waiter. I bet you his tip.”

(By this point, I have been overhearing this conversation, and the nerd inside me is intrigued by Star Wars trivia.)

Me: “Can I help you guys with something?”

Customer #1: “Yeah, my boyfriend here thinks that the robot in star wars that walks on two legs with the little dogs is called the AT-LT. Please tell him it’s an AT-AT?”

Me: “Actually, I’m sorry but both of you are incorrect; the vehicle you’re thinking of is the AT-ST, which is premiered in the Battle for Hoth, the ice planet, but is actually featured in the Battle of Endor. In fact, that’s what Chewbacca uses to blow the blast doors open for Han Solo and Princess Leia. And the dogs are called Ewoks and they’re native to Endor.”

Customer #1: “Oh… thanks.”

(I ended up walking away and since they each bet $20, I actually earned $40. That’s the first time my nerd knowledge actually gained me that much money. May the Force be with you!)

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A Smashing Deal

, , | Right | September 25, 2014

(A customer walks in and asks to trade her ‘Ultimate Captain America’ collectible for the limited Edition, $700 Hulk collectible.)

Me: “Hello and welcome to Toy Trades. Is there anything you need help with?”

Customer: “I brought a collectible Captain America. I want to trade it for the Hulk.”

Me: “Okay, I’ll go grab the Hulk. ”

(I go grab the Hulk and pass my co-worker, who says that she must have an expensive collectible.)

Me: “Here it is.”

Customer: “Oh, thanks! Here is my Captain America. Um, lemme take that…”

Me: “Wait! By policy I need to look at your collectible.”

Customer: “You don’t have to look at it… Consider it like a gift.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I need to look at your collectible first.”

(She grabs the Hulk and tries to run but another customer grabs her.)

Customer: “I JUST WANTED A D*** PRESENT FOR MY MOTHERF****** SON! TAKE THE CAPTAIN AMERICA, YOU IDIOT!”

(She throws a toy Captain America that has a Fast Food Restaurant label on it. Being the empathetic person I am, I grab a Hulk eraser and hand it to her.)

Me: “Have a nice day, ma’am!”

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Doubly Packed But Single Minded

, , , , , | Related | September 25, 2014

(My cousin and I are getting ready to go camping together. We both have vacation plans for after camping.)

Me: “Hey, are you packed?”

Cousin: “Yeah, I’ve been packed for a while now.”

Me: “No, I mean for camping.”

Cousin: “Oh, that. No. Are you?”

Me: “No, I can’t even find my suitcase.”

Cousin: “Didn’t you tell me yesterday that you packed for your other trip?”

Me: “Yeah.”

Cousin: “Maybe that’s why you can’t find it.”


This story is part of our S’Mores Day roundup!

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The Answer Is Black Or White House

, , | Working | September 19, 2014

(In the 1950s my grandmother took a boat from the UK to New York. Of course she had to answer questions to get through security.)

Security: “Do you have plans to blow up the White House, madam?”

Grandmother: “Oh, why? Is it an option?”

Security: “Try again, madam.”

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