A Pressing Issue

, , , | Right | September 7, 2010

(The customer has a standard flip phone that she wants to program.)

Me: “Ok, let’s try the automated system first, and if that doesn’t work, we will do it manually. Please dial *228, press send, and when the automated voice comes on, press 1.”

(In the background, I can hear the customer dialing, and the voice coming on. No response from the customer.)

Me: “Just press the button on your keypad that has the number ‘1’ on it, then some music will start.”

Customer: “Okay, now, how do I press ‘1’?”

Me: “Just press the button marked ‘1.’”

Customer: “No! I know there’s a button marked ‘1.’ What I’m asking is how do I press it?”

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Literally Going Nowhere

, , , , , , | Right | September 7, 2010

Me: “Hi, ma’am, what can I help you with today?”

Customer: “It’s this stupid GPS watch that I bought. What a big waste of money!  It doesn’t even work.”

Me: “What’s the problem with it?”

Customer: “It shows the time, but not now how far I ran. I was running on the treadmill for over thirty minutes!”


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Like Two Beans In A Pod

, , , | Right | September 7, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Coffee Shop]. How may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, hi, is this the one on Main Street in downtown?”

Me: “We’re actually part of a shopping center that is on the corner of Main Street but we’re several miles from downtown.”

Caller: “Oh, well, what’s the one on Main Street?”

Me: “I don’t believe there is a [Coffee Shop] on Main Street downtown.”

Caller: “Yes; yes, there is, I know there’s one on Main Street! How do I get there?”

Me: “There is a [Other Leading Coffee Chain] on Main Street downtown. Is that what you mean?”

Caller: “Yes! Can you call them for me? What’s their address?”

Me: “I don’t know. We’re separate companies.”

Caller: “But you both serve coffee! Doesn’t that make you the same?”


This story is part of the Ignorant Coffee Customers roundup!

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Not Quite An Eggs-pert

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2010

Me: “Oh, what kind of pet do you have?

Customer: “Parakeets. I think one of them is pregnant. I saw them having sex the other day.”

Me: “Birds don’t get pregnant, they lay eggs. In fact, I used to have a female parakeet that would lay eggs all the time.”

Customer: “Did they ever hatch?”

Me: “No, she lived by herself, so they weren’t fertilized.”

Customer: “Oh, is that what the male is for?”


This story is part of the “What Are They Teaching In School These Days?!” roundup!

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Finding Emo

, , , , | Right | September 6, 2010

(At my theater our uniforms are all black. I am tearing tickets when two teenage girls walk up. They are looking around very confused.)

Me: “Can I help you?”

Customer: *looking lost* “Do you work here?”

Me: “Yes.”

Customer: Oh! We thought you were just goth.”

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