Dim Witted And Off The Deep End, Part 3

, , , , , | Right | April 30, 2010

(We are doing rescue and CPR training with the other lifeguards).

Customer: “Excuse me, do you guys have to do that now with all these people in the pool?”

Me: “Sorry, sir.”

Customer: “I see this guy in the water and I think he’s drowning. I try to go help him, but he tells me it’s just training.”

Me: “Sorry for the confusion, sir. Please swim behind this barrier so that the lifeguards can complete their training.”

Customer: “And other people have pushed their kids out of the way so guys can do your thing! I mean, what would happen if the kids got hurt? What would you do?”


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The Only Thing It Swallowed Was Her Pride

, , , | Right | April 30, 2010

Customer: “Oh, miss, I have a problem.”

Me: “What can I help you with?”

Customer: “The ATM took my card. It says here, though, that it’s invalid and my card is out of date, so maybe that’s why.”

(I get the keys to the ATM and open it up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but your card is not in there. Are you sure it took it?”

Customer: “No, it did! It did! *pulls out an ATM card* “It looks like this! Oh, wait… this is my card. Never mind.”

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Stupid Customers Really S(UK)

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t find the product I want online, but I can find it in the UK section. Can you get it here for me?”

Me: “Ma’am, we cannot do anything at the store level. You could try to order it online or try calling the UK directly.”

Customer: “But, do they speak English over there?”

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Pray None Of Her Patients Read This

, , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

(I am installing a home security system for a new customer. All customers require a password that the monitoring service uses to verify their identity when the alarm is tripped.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. If your alarm is ever tripped, our monitoring service will call the house to make sure help is needed. We need you to select a password for when they call.”

Customer: “Well, what password should I select?”

Me: “It just needs to be something easy to remember.”

Customer: “Can you suggest something?”

Me: “Well, what do you do for a living?”

Customer: “I’m a nurse.”

Me: “Okay, your password could be ‘Nurse’.”

Customer: “Hmm, I don’t know if I could remember that.”

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Devil In Disguise

, , , , , | Right | April 29, 2010

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server today.”

Customer: *glares at my necklace, which happens to be pentagon-shaped* “No! You worship the devil! Get me a Christian to serve me!”

Me: “I don’t worship the devil. Actually, I–”

Customer: “I won’t hear your witchy talk devil girl!” *sticks her fingers in her ears while her husband just gives me a smile*

Me: “I’ll just go and see what I can do for you.”

(I go to my manager and tell her what’s going on.)

Manager: *to me* “Oh, for Pete’s sake. Here, just put my necklace on.”

(The necklace is a cross. I go back to the table.)

Me: “Hello, and welcome to [Restaurant]. I’m [My Name], and I’ll be your server today.”

Customer: “Oh, thank the Lord. You should have seen the evil girl who was just here, with her black hair and wicked eyes!”

(She never noticed I was the same girl. Her husband never said a word, just had a weary look on his face. By the way, my hair is red.)


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