At Least They Enjoyed The Spew

, , , , , | Right | April 27, 2010

(I’m doing exit greetings to the leaving guests and a woman walks out with her son.)

Woman: “Just to let you know, my son threw up in there.”

Me: “Oh… okay, ma’am. Thanks for letting me know.”

Woman: “Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s fine. I pushed most of it under the seat anyway.”


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Stuck In A Lupe

, , | Right | April 26, 2010

Me: “Hello, this is [Hotel]; how may I help?”

Caller: “Do you have a housekeeper named Guadalupe?”

Me: “No, I’m sorry, we don’t.”

Caller: “Or Lupe?”

Me: “No, sir.”

Caller: “I spent the night with her a week ago and I’m trying to find her. We had a good time. Guadalupe?”

Me: “Is it possible she goes by another name?”

Caller: “No. Guadalupe.”

Me: “There is no Guadalupe here.”

Caller: “Okay.”

(Two minutes later, the phone rings again.)

Me: “Hello this is [Hotel]. How may I help?”

Caller: “What about Maria?”

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Post-Grammatic Stress

, , , , , | Right | April 26, 2010

(I have just completed a transaction and given the customer their coffee.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Customer: “What did you say to me?”

Me: “I said have a great day.”

Customer: “Well, that’s impossible. I am an English teacher. It’s impossible to have a great day. Something will always go wrong to prevent ‘great’ from being the correct adjective to describe ‘day’. I find you wishing me the impossible insulting.”

Me: “Have a decent day?”

Customer: “Thank you.”

(The customer sits down to eat near the register and opens a book. Another customer orders and pays.)

Me: “Have a great day!”

Original Customer: “I heard that!”


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Aisle Be Watching You

, , , | Right | April 26, 2010

(I’ve misunderstood a question and directed the customer to the wrong aisle. I’m trying to tell her the correct aisle.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. I thought you meant something else. What you’re looking for is actually down aisle eight. It’s the last item on the right.”

Customer: “I don’t believe you, and I’m too tired to look for it.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can verify that it is in aisle eight. There is a display a few feet away so you won’t have to walk all the way down there.”

Customer: “What is the store phone number?”

(The customer dials the store number with the phone in front of me. It’s on speakerphone so I hear ringing on her end and then ringing on my phone. I pick up the phone and look right at the customer standing no more than a foot away from me.)

Me: “Hello [Store].”

Customer: “Yes, hi. I have a question about a product you sell. What aisle is [Product] down?”

Me: “Aisle eight. Last item on the right.”

Customer: “Thank you.” *hangs up, looks at me* “At least she knew what she was talking about!”

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Cereally Stupid

, , , , | Right | April 25, 2010

Customer: “I’d like to return this box of cereal. It tastes like it spoiled when I ate it. Here’s my receipt.”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry. We can’t take it back. You only have 90 days to return this item, and you bought it over five months ago.”

Customer: “This is outrageous! I could have gotten sick from this!”

Me: *looks in box* “Ma’am, this is an empty box of cereal. Where’s the cereal?”

Customer: “I told you. I ate it!”


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