Spelling Gone Rogue

, , , | Right | November 18, 2010

Caller: “I have a question about my account.”

Me: “I’d be happy to help! What email address do you use to log in?”

Caller: “It’s rogue at [email host].com.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, I can’t seem to find that email in the system. To confirm, let me spell out the full address: [email protected][email host].com?”

Caller: “No, it’s r-o-u-g-e!”

Me: “Oh, “rouge” like the makeup. The word “rogue” is spelled r-o-g-u-e.”

Caller: “That’s not how “rogue” is spelled! I can’t believe how stupid your customer service is!”

Me: “If you want to be sure, you can check a dictionary for the correct spelling.”

Caller: “Fine, I will! I’m going to search dictionary.com right now!”

(A minute passes as he searches.)

Caller: “F***! I’ve been using this email for years! I can’t believe my guild members never pointed this out to me!” *hangs up*

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Doesn’t Get The Fine Print

, , , | Right | November 18, 2010

Customer: *hands me a printer* “Is this all I need to print? My last printer broke.”

Me: “No, ma’am. You still have to purchase ink and a printer cable for it.”

Customer: *grabs random ink off the shelf* “Okay, here we go.”

Me: “You have to get the specific brand and number listed on the box.”

Customer: “Oh, well, normally you can just mix and match. I’m new to this Web 2.0 nonsense but I think I know a little about setting up a printin’ machine!”

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A Suitable Trade-Off

, , , | Right | November 18, 2010

(Sundays are our busiest days for trades at our video game store. Six people are in line at my register, and the only other employee is on the floor fielding customer questions.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Videogame Store]. How can I help you?”

Caller: “I’d like to get trade-in prices for some games I have.”

Me: “No problem. We’re a bit busy in store right now, though, so I’ll only be able to give you prices on three trades over the phone. Any more, and you’ll have to come into the store.”

Caller: “Bull! It’s one pm on a Sunday. No way you have that many customers.”

Me: *holding phone towards customers waiting in line* “Ladies and gentlemen, say hello to the man who doesn’t think you’re here.”

Crowd: “Hi!”

Me: “Any other questions, sir?”

Caller: *click*

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Did A Number On This One

, , , , | Right | November 17, 2010

(I am calling a customer.)

Me: “May I speak to [Customer], please?”

Woman: “He’s not here.”

Me: “This is [My Name], with [Phone Company]. I am calling to remind you that your phone bill was due on the fifth and is in danger of being disconnected. Can you tell me when you will be able to pay it?”

Woman: “How did you get this number? It’s unlisted!”

Me: “Ma’am, this is the phone company. We gave you this phone number.”

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The Router To Success, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2010

Me: “Good morning, can I help you?”

Customer: “I can’t seem to connect to the server.”

Me: “No problem. I have to ask if you’re able to see if all the cables are connected properly and the computer is functioning properly.”

Customer: “Are you trying to imply that I am stupid? That I can’t tell if something isn’t plugged in? I don’t want to talk to you! I want to speak to your manager!”

Me: “Sir, I am in fact the manager, and I meant no disrespect. This is step one in our problem-solving protocol.”

Customer: “So, will you come here and fix my problem?”

Me: “I have noticed that you have not signed or returned your service agreement, and I will be forced to charge you $100 for an onsite repair.”

Customer: “That’s fine; it must be broken. Get here as soon as you can.”

(Two hours of driving in traffic later…)

Me: “Sir, I have found your problem.”

Customer: “Oh, and what do you have to repair?”

Me: “Nothing. Your router was unplugged.”

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