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Ordering Like A Headless Chicken

, , , , | Right | February 5, 2020

(We have a family — a mother and her two girls: one teenager and one pre-teen — that comes in every week. All three of them are obnoxious, particularly the pre-teen.)

Coworker: “Okay, and what’s the next sandwich?”

Pre-Teen: “Um… MOMMA! WHAT DID I GET LAST TIME?!”

Mom: “I don’t know! You order your own food!”

Pre-Teen: “Ummm… Can I get a six-inch… chicken Neapolitan?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry?”

Pre-Teen: “A CHICKEN NEAPOLITAN!”

Coworker: “We don’t have a sandwich by that name.”

Pre-Teen: “YES, YOU DO! I HAD IT LAST TIME!”

Me: “Do you mean the chicken chipotle?”

Pre-Teen: “YES! THAT THING! DUH! A SIX-INCH CHICKEN CHIPOTLE! That’s what I said in the first place!”

Enough To Make You Cast A Sheep’s Eye

, , , | Right | February 5, 2020

(I am getting some eggs when I overhear a customer talking to one of the associates.)

Customer: “Do you know what I just found out? This feta cheese, here, isn’t made with goat or sheep milk; it’s made with cow’s milk.”

Associate: “Yes, that’s true.”

Customer: “Well, I thought that feta was always made with goat or sheep milk. I was buying it because I thought it was dairy-free!

(I had to walk away at that point, biting my tongue.)

Thank God It’s To Go

, , , | Right | February 5, 2020

(I am a barista at a cafe. A young woman approaches the counter, furiously texting away on her phone.)

Me: “Good morning. What would you like today?”

Customer: *continues texting on her phone*

Me: *louder* “Good morning! What would you like today?”

Customer: *not looking up* “Latte!”

Me: “Okay, would you like that for here or to go?”

Customer: “Soy milk!”

Me: “Okay, and will that be for here or to go?”

Customer:Soy milk!

Me: *louder* “Would you like that for here or to go?

Customer: “Oh. To go.”

Me: “Okay. That will be [amount]. Are you paying cash or card?”

Customer: *annoyed* “I already said it’s to go!” 

Me:Cash or card?

(The customer wordlessly hands over her card so I take it, process the transaction, and then go to make her drink. The entire time, she remains transfixed on her phone, still texting away. On a whim, I decide to make an iced soy latte, as well, just in case.)

Me: *handing the woman her latte* “Here you are, miss.”

(The customer looks down at her drink, and then finally looks up at me for the first time.)

Customer: *angrily* “It was supposed to be iced!”

(What can I say? Called it!)

Angry Driver, And He’s Not Even Driving

, , , | Right | February 4, 2020

(I work at a call center for the financial wing of a major auto company. On a particularly rough day of work, I get this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [German Auto Brand]. This is [My Name], how may I help you?”

Caller: “Yeah, I’d like to make a payment on my car.”

Me: “Um…” *no information has populated besides the customer’s phone number, usually an indicator of an account that’s been closed for years* “It seems we’re having some trouble finding your vehicle. Can I get some more information, like a Social Security number or a VIN number?”

(He gives me the info and I put him on hold to speak with a supervisor. No info, but we do find a car he owned four years ago. I take him off hold.)

Me: “Sir, I’ve taken a look into our system and we can’t find any current accounts under your name. I do have a [older vehicle] on record; is that the one you’re talking about?”

Caller: “Are you f****** serious?!”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Caller: “You mean to tell me that [Asian Auto Brand] has no information on my car?”

Me: “Sir, we’re [German Auto Brand], not [Asian Auto Brand].”

Caller: “Oh, so I’m the a**hole here?”

(He calmed down and apologized for his behavior, and we had a laugh. Certainly made that day a little better.)

The Cookie Dough Monster

, , , | Right | February 4, 2020

(I work at a large chain ice cream shop located in our local mall. This shop also partners with a large food delivery service, though apart from us delivering the food there’s not much other association other than profits. I’ve been working at this shop for a few months now and have yet to receive a truly nasty customer, at least not one that I had to deal with alone, until today. My recently-hired 15-year-old brother worked his first day today, being trained by me — I’m training to become a shift leader in January — and the active shift leader on with us at the moment. My brother has already gotten off shift as his work permit only allows three hours on weekdays and no shifts past 7:00 pm. My shift leader is swamped in the front making cones and handling a small group of customers at the same time while I am in the back mopping as part of our pre-closing requirements. I hear the phone ring, which normally would be our boss, but some other caller ID shows up, instead. I set down the mop and pick up the phone since my shift leader is obviously tied down at the moment.)

Me: “Hello, [Shop].”

Customer: “I ordered a [Delivery Service] from you guys and in the special instructions I put ‘extra cookie dough.’ In my ice cream, I barely got any!”

Me: “I’m sorry about that. Can you give me the name your order was under?”

(He gives his name and suddenly it clicks. That order was actually the very first order my newly-hired brother made today! I continue talking while looking up his order, which, by the way, didn’t have the special instructions in the first place.)

Me: “Ah, that was actually made by an employee who just had his first day today. I’m so sorry about that.”

Customer: “Well, what are you going to do to make it right?”

Me: *slightly stunned* “I’m sorry?”

(I’m not a very strong-willed person and already get phone anxiety as it is, so now realizing I have an actually angry customer on the phone, I internally start to panic a little. I still keep a very calm tone of voice talking to him.)

Customer: “You guys messed it up, so what are you going to do to fix it?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m not sure there’s much we can do. [Delivery Service] operates separately from us.”

Customer: “Well, you have to do something about it!”

Me: *as my shift leader walks into the back* “Let me put you on with my shift leader; please wait one moment.”

(I set the phone down as I’m sure the customer is mumbling curses under his breath, and I talk to my shift leader as she starts to grab a blender from the drying rack.)

Me: “[Shift Leader], I have an angry customer. The [Delivery Service] order [Brother] made apparently had special instructions for extra cookie dough but it didn’t have a lot and I don’t know what to do.”

Shift Leader: “I don’t know. I have lots of milkshakes to make, anyway. Just tell him to call in the morning; [Boss] will be here.” *hurries back to the front*

Me: *picking up the phone again* “All right, sir, I’m sorry about this, but there’s not much I can do right now. However, if you want to call back in the morning, our manager will be here.”

Customer: “Well, that’s nice and all, but I wanted my cookie dough ice cream tonight!”

(Keep in mind this guy ordered a large container like you would see in a grocery store, so I doubt it’s something he is eating all in one night.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I don’t have the ability to do anything right now.”

Customer: “Well, can’t you send out a delivery person to get me the extra cookie dough?”

(I am practically speechless; this guy is relentless.)

Me: “I’m sorry but [Delivery Service] is a separate service from us. We do make food for delivery but other than that there’s no real affiliation. We can’t just send out a person to pick up and deliver something unless it’s ordered by someone.”

Customer: “Well, then, can I order extra cookie dough and have it delivered and you just don’t charge me for it?”

(I want to scream at this point. What does this guy not understand about “Nothing we can do; call in the morning when our boss is here.”? Ridiculous.)

Me: “As I already said, we aren’t affiliated with how [Delivery Service] works; we can’t control what gets charged and what doesn’t. You would have to call them for that.”

Customer: “Okay, I think I will! I’ll call them right now and tell them the bulls*** you’re pulling! Then, in the morning, I’ll call your d*** manager!”

Me: *officially done and internally screaming and crying simultaneously* “All right, if that’s what you feel will work best for you, sir. Have a good night!”

Customer: “F****** dumbass.” *hangs up*

(I immediately called the manager and let him know the situation, making sure he knew that my brother did put the right amount of cookie dough in if he hadn’t asked for extra, which wasn’t on the instructions in the first place. Also, mind you, even if it was there, special instructions aren’t technically a requirement; it doesn’t cost any extra and is really more of something we do to make sure the customer is satisfied. Extra cookie dough would have cost this guy another dollar if he were paying in person, anyway. My manager did say that he didn’t blame my brother and if he called in the morning he would deal with it. The way this guy handled it was so immature that internally I wanted to scream, cry, and laugh at this whole situation. Cookie dough? More like cookie dough-n’t even.)