(I started working as a personal assistant to the elderly in August. Since then, I have begun receiving calls for final expenses. I have no clue how they got my number, but whatever. Usually, I just hang up, but this time I want to try and get on the do-not-call list and press a number to speak with a rep.)

Rep: “Hello, thank you for holding. How may I help you?”

Me: “Hey there. This phone belongs to a 35-year-old. I do not need final expenses. Can you please remove my number from your database?”

Rep: “Oh, I see.”

Me: “…”

Rep: “…”

Me: “So, can you please remove my number?”

Rep: “Are you sure you’re 35?”

Me: *confused pause* “Am I sure I’m 35?”

Rep: “Yes.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, I am. Stop calling.”

(I’m an usher, working an event that is at intermission.)

Customer: “Where is the nearest liquor store?”

Me: “Um, I’m not sure. I’m not 21 yet, so I’ve never been.”

Customer: “But you have to know where it is.”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have any idea.”

(The customer goes back into the venue. Five minutes later, he comes out again on the phone.)

Customer: “Here, it’s my wife on the phone. Tell her where the liquor store is, or she’ll yell at you!”

(I still have no idea where the liquor store is!)

(I’m a server at a counter-service style restaurant. We also do takeout orders and customers can order over the phone. One day, the phone rings and I answer it.)

Me: “Hi, this is [Restaurant].”

Caller: “Do you have non-nutritional water?”

Me: *confused* “I’m sorry, sir, can you please repeat that?”

Caller: “NON-NUTRITIONAL WATER!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m not sure what that is. We have bottled [Brand #1] and [Brand #2] water, and we also have water in the soda fountain.”

Caller: “Well, that’s no help!” *hangs up phone*

(I used to work as a front desk/secretary/whatever the h*** the owners thought they needed for a furniture store. Hindsight being what it is, I brought a lot of the issues on myself because I didn’t fight hard enough at the beginning, but still…)

Manager: “I need you to come in tomorrow for a few hours because I have to take my daughter to the dentist.”

(I normally have Tuesday and Wednesday off, but she is asking me to come in on Tuesday.)

Me: “Sure. But since you’re going to be so long, can I just work all day and then take the next Wednesday and Thursday off, instead?”

(Timing-wise, between appointments and travel to and from the office, getting her daughter back to school and then getting to the store, the day is going to be like two-thirds done.)

Manager: “That should be fine.”

(On the day of the dentist appointment, the manager shows up and the day is actually like 80% over.)

Manager: “Oh, by the way, I need you in on Thursday because I won’t be here.”

Me: *stunned silence*

(I work at a local Mongolian grill chain that is fairly popular. A man comes in with his wife, enjoys his dinner, and then comes up to pay.)

Man: “Hi, I have this coupon.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, this coupon has expired.”

Man: “You’re cheap.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(The man then hands me his card. I run it like usual. All the while he is staring at me in the eyes.) 

Man: “You’re cheap! You should honor this!”

Me: “I am sorry, sir, but if I did, I would get in troub—”

(He interrupts me.)

Man: “CHEAP!”

Me: “I don’t make the rules, sir.”

(He walks away, still glaring at me, yelling.)

Man: “YOU’RE CHEAP!”

(I couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. If using the coupon was that important, you’d think he’d have read the expiration date before trying to use it.)