The Birds And The Bees Talk, Illustrated

, , , , | Right | February 17, 2008

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a Playboy for my son.”

Me: “…excuse me?”

Customer: “You know, a Playboy to play with.”

Me: *trying very hard not to laugh* “You mean a Gameboy?”

Customer: “Yeah, that!”

(The customer suddenly realizes what she said.)

Customer: “OH!”

1 Thumbs
5,432

Nonsensical Hypotheticals

, , , | Right | February 17, 2008

(The customer has pulled up the the drive-thru after ordering a coffee.)

Customer: “Can you add the cream and sugar for me?”

Me: “It’s against policy to do that to prevent contamination.”

Customer: “Well, what if I had no arms?”

Me: *dumbfounded*

Customer: “If I spill the cream as I’m adding it while driving, I’m going to sue you!”

Me: “Sir, you’re in a parking lot. You can pull over.”

(The customer speeds off.)

Manager: “If he didn’t have arms, how would he be driving?!”

1 Thumbs
2,472

I Goes To Skool

, , , | Right | February 13, 2008

(A girl in her late teens approaches me holding a t-shirt, turning it over in her hands, apparently searching for defects or blemishes in the material.)

Customer: “Do you have any of these that are new?”

Me: “I’m sorry? They’re all new.”

Customer: “No, this one is used. I want a new one.”

(I take the shirt and inspect it, finding it to be in perfect order.)

Me: “It looks perfectly fine to me. I unpacked these from today’s shipment an hour ago. We have multiples of each size if you’d like me to help you find another one.”

Customer: “I checked them all. They’re all used. See…”

(She snatches the shirt and points at the tag which reads, under the bar code, “USD $14.99.”)

Me: “That’s the currency. United States Dollars.”

Customer: *becoming irate* “I can f****** see that. Fifteen dollars for a used shirt is f****** insane.”

Me: “No. U-S-D. United States Dollars. We don’t sell used clothing.”

Customer: “What are you, a f****** idiot? It says used, right on the d**n tag.”

Me: “My mistake. Here, I’ll take that and make sure it gets thrown away.”

(I take the shirt and begin walking to the stock room.)

Customer: “Can I just have it? You’re going to throw it out anyway.”

Me: “Sorry, no. There’s an IQ requirement.”

Customer: “A what?”

Me: “It’s an acronym thing. Don’t worry about it.”

Customer: “You’re a f****** a**-hole!”

(She stormed out.)

1 Thumbs
7,400

Whoever Blinks First Loses

, , , | Right | February 11, 2008

(It was Christmas time, and we were all extra wary of credit card fraud, so we were required to check IDs with all credit card purchases.)

Me: “The total is $17.88.”

(Customer pulls out a credit card.)

Me: “Will that be credit or debit?”

Customer: “Credit.”

Me: “Alright. Do you mind if I see your ID?”

Customer: “What if I do mind?”

Me: “Then we’re at a stalemate.”

(I fold my arms, and look at her straight in the eyes.)

1 Thumbs
3,697

Ah, Parents…

, , , , | Right | February 9, 2008

(The phone rings at around six-ish.)

Me: “Hello, this is D-…”

(I hear loud crying in the background.)

Man: “Hello, Disney World? I’m just calling to say that if my children don’t finish their vegetables in the next five minutes, we won’t be visiting you this year.”

Me: “I… er… What?”

Man: *whispering* “Thank you.” *click*

1 Thumbs
14,558