I take a phone call at work from a lady saying she works for our company’s insurance provider. She gives spiel of who she is, etc.

Caller: “Can I speak to [Person], please?”

Me: *Blink* “Umm, that’s a newborn baby of one of my coworkers.”

Caller: “Yes, can I speak to her, please?”

Me: “No? She’s a baby? And her father doesn’t work until this afternoon.”

Caller: “Oh.” *Confused pause* “Can I speak to her father?”

Me: “He’s not here right now. He’ll be in after 4:00.”

Caller: “Oh. Okay, I’ll call back at 4:00, then.”

Cue internal groaning and external headdesking.

At work, we have these drawers underneath the shelves on the walls of the store. They are used for backstock and oftentimes I will sit on the ground and grab things I need to stock and also organize them.

One day, I was organizing a drawer and a slightly older customer walked up behind me and asked if I could help her. I turned my head and looked up and did not realize she was standing so close to me. Instead of seeing the woman’s face, I saw straight up her very short and flared out shorts; she was also not wearing any underwear.

I learned from this experience, and now, any time I’m sitting on the ground at a drawer and someone asks for help, I stand up and then turn around.

I get a call from my leasing company about my apartment while I’m at work. They leave a voicemail asking me to call them back. I get another call about an hour later, from the same office, but a different extension and person. They leave virtually the same voicemail. 

Twenty minutes later, I get an email from my leasing company asking if I can come in the following day before 2:00 pm. 

Finally, I’m a little fed up with them leaving me vague messages, so I return the email. 

Leasing Agent: “Please come to the office tomorrow before 2:00 pm. Thanks.” 

Me: “I’m at work all day today, and I’m also at work tomorrow during the hours you’re open. What is this in regards to?” 

Leasing Agent: “This is in regards to your apartment. Thanks.” 

I internally facepalm.

Me: “Yes, I was able to figure that out, considering you’re my leasing agent. Again, I am unable to come into the office either today or tomorrow during your hours, so could you please tell me what this is about? If we can handle this over email, that would be ideal.” 

Leasing Agent: “It is about your apartment. I’ve put you down for a meeting tomorrow at 2:00 pm. See you then.” 

Frustrated and realizing they aren’t understanding what I’m trying to say, I ask my boss if I can take my lunch break the following day at 1:45 so I can go to my leasing office. He agrees to let me go.

When I arrive at the office, no one working has any idea that I was supposed to come in or what the meeting is to be about, so I ask that they leave a note for whoever emailed me to call me back the following day. I also give them my work hours so they can tell the agent when not to call me. 

Sure enough, the next day, I receive an email during my work hours from the first leasing agent.

Leasing Agent: “Your account with us has been flagged as you did not make any effort to attend your mandatory scheduled meeting.” 

I’d had enough. I took my break to call the leasing office and immediately asked for the supervisor. I explained the situation to her and she checked the email log to find the leasing agent in question. 

It turned out it was the leasing agent they had just let go, who still had access to the main email account. They subsequently changed all work-related passwords and offered me a free cleaning service to apologize for the confusion.

We have a house phone that sometimes gets calls from telemarketers, but our bank periodically calls on it about our legit banking information, so whenever I get a telemarketer, I give them the benefit of the doubt before messing with them.

For reference, my father has a couple of credit cards but are all rarely used and paid off.

Caller: “Hello, this call is a limited time offer about your credit card and we’d like to inquire about some new features we are contemplating on adding. Would you be willing to answer a few questions?”

Me: “Sure, but for which card?”

Caller: “I’d just like to ask a few questions, please; it should only take five minutes.”

Me: “And I’m happy to oblige. I just need to know which credit card this would apply to.”

The caller’s voice is getting gruffer with irritation.

Caller: “I said we need you to answer some questions.”

I’ve already realized it’s a scam and I’m just having fun being as sugary sweet as possible.

Me: “And I’ve agreed. I just need to know which credit card you’re talking about so I can give you the best answers possible. Don’t you use different cards for different purposes?”

Caller: “Ma’am, if you will not cooperate, I will have to terminate this call.”

Me: “No, no, please. I just want to be as helpful as poss—”

Caller: “THAT’S. IT. GOOD-BYE!”

He hung up hard enough that the receiver made a loud, unhappy sound.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Retail Company]; my name is [My Name]. What can I help you with today?”

Caller: “Hey, are you associated with [Clothing Retailer]? Or [Furniture Store]?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we’re not. Our sister companies are—” *Lists off four different stores*

Caller: “Do you know if [Clothing Retailer] accepts your coupons?”

Me: “Well, they’re a different company, so I don’t think they would. I’m not sure if they accept competitors’ coupons.”

Caller: “Find out.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I can’t find out. They’re not one of our stores. There’s no way for us to find out if they take our coupons.”

Caller: “Well, call them and find out!”

Me: “I’m… sorry? I have no way to find out from them. I can’t call them to find out if they take our coupons. They’re not associated with us.”

Caller: “Then, get me your boss! They’ll know!”

Me: “Uh… Okay. It’ll be just a moment.”

Caller: “Send me to your leaderrrr!”

I transferred him over to our supervisor, who told him the same thing I had about which companies are associated with us. He then yelled at her and told her that we didn’t care about our “customers” and hung up on her.