I work at a grocery store as a cashier, and our lanes are right next to each other. I’m in the second to last one, so there’s a lane behind me I can see clearly.

I currently have no one, so I’m leaning against my register facing the one behind me, talking to my coworker before she leaves. Cue a youngish lady with a small kid and a cart full of things.

Lady: “All right, we’ll go to this lane, then.” *Starts unloading*

Kid: “I can help!”

The kid starts handing things to Mom, including handing her eggs.

Lady: “Thank you, honey! But I’m not sure if these are actually good and fresh or not, so I have to check.”

She cracks an egg on the edge of her cart, letting it leak all over the floor.

Me: *Attempting to follow customer service* “Would you like us to get you a new one?”

Lady: “Oh, it’s fine! Only one is missing, but there’s a big mess on the floor now.”

She rolled her cart through it to give it to the bagger.

I cleaned it to the best of my ability so my poor coworker wouldn’t have to, but it still didn’t change the fact of how irritated we were at the fact that a lady “had to check the freshness of her eggs” this way.

Related:
Was Not Egg-specting That

Customer: “I bought a turkey a couple of days ago. I’m looking at your thermometer; it says, like, thirty-three. Does it have to stay at that temp?”

Me: “My cases run really cold. You don’t have to do that; you just need to keep it refrigerated.”

Customer: “Crap. Really?”

Me: “Um… yes. It needs to be kept under refrigeration.”

Customer: “I’ve just had it sitting on my kitchen table.”

Me: “For two days?!”

Customer: “I put it in a freezer bag.”

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I work in a mall store doing tech repair. Today, I close the store for about fifteen minutes to go get food from the food court. I get back to the store and start reopening when a lady comes fast-stepping into the store.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Excuse me, I came by earlier and you were closed. I need my phone fixed and I’m very busy today.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I had to go get food.”

I point at my cheesesteak which I was eating when she came in. Clearly, it’s lunchtime.

Customer: “You’re at work! You’re not supposed to eat at work!”

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t eat breakfast and my blood sugar—”

Customer: *Interrupting, screaming* “It’s unprofessional to eat at work! And it’s rude to close the store for something as trivial as that!”

As trivial as basic human sustenance? Time to change the subject. I apologize for the third time.

Me: “I’m sorry. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My phone won’t charge! It’s been dead for three days.”

I plug her phone into my amp meter, and there’s a trickle of power going in. I take a pair of tweezers, and in her charging port are a few little pieces of dust and pocket lint. I plug it back in, and it starts charging perfectly.

I hand it back and start to explain it’ll be free because it was an easy repair when she starts yelling again.

Customer: “You couldn’t have fixed it that fast! It’s not okay to short a customer!”

Fine. If she wants it done “right,” I’ll do it right.

I pull a chair up for her and turn on some music and open the phone up. I fiddle around with the charging port for a while, pretending to “fix” a phone I already fixed.

Me: “Since I opened your phone, I have to charge you $50 for the labor.”

Customer: “Now I know you were trying to waste my time!”

She paid the $50 and left, and I have a good laugh over making a sale that I didn’t need to make for a phone that didn’t need a repair.

As someone who managed a coffee shop for over nineteen years, I can say that people staying for an unlimited time is not a problem, but I have some rules that sadly have to be made clear: 1. Be friendly 2. If you can buy something 3. Don’t watch adult sites in the store.

Rule three was required because usually, an older male would be watching that stuff in the store. I would ask them to stop:

Me: “Sir, we can all see it; there’s reflective artwork behind you.”

Of course, this would start the verbal attacks. 

Seriously, don’t do that in a coffee shop!

I have a customer who couldn’t get her pictures to load from her phone on to the photo kiosk. I showed her how to do it with the cable, instead of wifi.

Me: “We can do it this way, but I have to warn you, it will show ALL your pictures. Please be certain you’re okay with this.”

Customer: “Yes, that’s fine.”

The first picture on screen… a penis. A picture later… a very revealing picture of her. She turns beet red and smothers the screen with her body.

I stare at the floor. Mostly because I was trying not to laugh at the abject horror in her face.