‘Snsv’ Is Also The Sound My Brain Makes When This Happens

, | Wales, UK | Right | April 1, 2017

(We work in a shop in a top educational establishment. I sometimes wonder how these people got into University.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like to buy a charger for my laptop please.”

Me: “Certainly, what make is it?”

Customer: “It’s a snsv—” *pronounced snus uv* “—laptop.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “Snsv.”

Me: “I’ve never heard of that brand before.”

Customer: “It’s definitely snsv. I have it here.”

(The customer brings out her laptop and places on the desk.)

Customer: “See, SNSV.”

(I instantly realise what’s gone on and turn the laptop the right way up.)

Me: “It’s an ASUS.”

Customer: “Oh.”

That Explanation Will Go Viral

| Australia | Working | March 14, 2017

Working at a computer company, a customer brings in a computer to have a virus removed. We remove the virus and scan the rest of the system to make sure all traces of it are gone. Now, this particular virus is known to come from porn sites so to warn the customer without making them feel embarrassed we say to be careful what websites are accessed with the computer.

Then a few days later the same customer brings the computer back in with the same virus, accusing us of not removing it, and demands that we remove it without them paying. I remove the virus again, scan the system again, print out the Internet cache of websites that the computer has accessed in the past 24 hours (including some kinky-but-not-illegal searches on a couple of porn sites), and then give the system with the evidence to the front desk staff to give to the customer when they come back. Later in the day, I hear raised voices out the front and I know it is that customer when I hear, “I don’t go to porn sites and the only other person who uses this computer is my partner.”

The customer would have learnt something new about their partner that day if it weren’t for the salespeople saving things by telling the customer that sometimes viruses can access the porn sites.

Yeah, that’s how it works: the porn sites come from the virus, not the other way around.

Arachnoergophobia: The Fear Of Spiders At Work

| NM, USA | Working | April 24, 2016

(I am very easily startled, and tend to shriek when startled. My coworkers are well-aware of this, and well-amused by it. One day, when I am in the bathroom, the toilet paper runs out, so I grab the new roll sitting on the toilet, behind me, only to realize as soon as I look at it that there’s a spider sitting on it. Naturally, I drop the roll and shriek.)

Coworker: *from outside the bathroom* “Where’s [My Name]? That’s her scream.”

Me: “THERE WAS A F***ING SPIDER ON THE TOILET PAPER ROLL!”

Everyone: *laughing*

Me: *exits bathroom* “I don’t want to deal with spiders when I have my pants down! I’m fine with spiders any other time, but not when I’m practically half naked!”

Barry Burnin’ White

| | Right | April 28, 2009

Caller: “Hello, I work offshore. I got home from a 3 week assignment yesterday, and me and the wife were doing the… you know… we were being… uhh…”

Me: “… intimate?”

Caller: “Nah. It was pretty rough. But anyhow, we were doing our thing.”

(At this point, I’m pretty sure the caller is actually a buddy of
mine, pranking me. I was wrong.)

Me: “Sir, this is a stereo repair shop. Are you aware–”

Caller: “Yeah, yeah, sorry. That’s not the point. When we got done, I noticed the music had stopped. I looked over there, and there were fumes coming off the receiver. So, I called your customer service number and they told me I need to write a description of the problem. I don’t know what happened, so I figured I’d call a tech guy to help me with the description. You got any idea what I should write?”

Me: “Well, uhh… how about ‘smokes after sex’?”

Caller: *laughing* “DONE! I like yer style, mah friend!”

(That call totally made my day. I almost got fired over it, but it was worth it!)

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic

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