Every Sentence That Starts “Pimp My” Is A Bad One

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2020

Our family operates a bakery, but my husband also repairs iPhones, etc., on the side.

A big SUV pulls up in front of the shop and out gets this not-so-petite girl with all kinds of rhinestones, shocking pink and leopard print, skin-tight leggings instead of pants, the whole nine yards. She trots into the store.

Customer: “Someone tol’ me that some man here does cell phones.”

Me: “Yes, my husband repairs broken glass and stuff like that, depending on the type of phone.”

Customer: “Do you have any pictures of his work?”

Me: “Not really, since it’s just a matter of changing the glass or the case.”

Customer: “No, no, I want him to fix my phone but I want to see his work.”

Me: “There are no photos to show. He just changes the glass or the case and it’s done; nothing worth taking pictures of.”

Customer: “No, I want him to pimp my phone. You know… with rhinestones and bling and s*** like that.”

Me: “Sorry, he doesn’t pimp phones with diamonds like that; he just fixes broken glass.”

Customer: “D***, I want to pimp my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, no pimping here!”

You don’t want a fifty-year-old white man pimping your phone!

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What They Were LED To Believe

, , | Right | May 14, 2020

I work in a call centre as product support for a well-known electronics company.

Me: “[Company]’s product support, [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I just bought this television and now, when I’m trying to watch it, I don’t see any picture. I do get picture if I use my new DVD player with it.”

Me: “Okay. So, just to specify, it’s a [Company] television?”

Customer: *Frustrated voice* “Yes, yes.”

Me: “All right, can I get the model number of the TV?”

The customer starts saying a weird-sounding model number and mentions another big electronics company’s name while muttering something inaudible.

Me: “Just a moment, did you just say [Company #2]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So, is this actually a [Company #2]’s television?”

Customer: *Sighs frustratedly* “Yes?”

Me: “Do you realize you’re calling [Company]’s product support?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s LED!”

I pause.

Me: “That still doesn’t make it our television. Here, I’ll find out the number for [Company #2]’s product support.”

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There Is No Safety In Numbers

, , , | Working | January 4, 2018

(I have broken the screen on my phone and am calling to find a place to get it fixed. Since I live in such a small town, there isn’t anywhere I can get it done locally. I am calling on a Tuesday.)

Me: “Hello, I have a [phone] and need to get the screen replaced, and I was wondering if you could do so?”

Owner: “Sure, but I don’t have the parts to do so today, but I can order it for tomorrow.”

Me: “That’s fine. I live over an hour away, and couldn’t bring it in until Friday afternoon, if that’s all right.”

Owner: “Oh, I can definitely have the part by then. And we have time, if you would like to set up an appointment. I just need a name and phone number.”

Me: “Okay, I’m [Name] and my number is [number].”

Owner: “Can you repeat that number for me?”

Me: “Sure. It’s [number].”

Owner: “Okay, thanks. I’ll see you Friday.”

(Friday comes around and I drive to the shop.)

Me: “Hello, I talked to someone a few days ago about getting my phone fixed.”

Owner: “Yeah, you talked to me. Sorry, my supplier is out of stock for your phone, so I can’t get it replaced, and I don’t know when I’ll be able to get the part in. And I didn’t write your number down, so I couldn’t call you.”

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It’s The Holidays, In Your Neighborhood…

, , , , | Working | December 25, 2017

(For the holidays this year, my workplace has set up a schedule where a different third of the shop will each be off work the week before Christmas, the week between Christmas and New Year’s, and the week after New Year’s.)

Me: “Hey, [Coworker], which week are you off?”

Coworker: “First one, why?”

Me: “Just wondering.”

Coworker: “What?”

Me: *joking* “Just wondering if I had to look at your face next week.”

Coworker: “See, the first time I misheard what you said as “Ghostbusters”, so I think I’m going to go with that instead.”

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You Need Torque For That, Too

| Working | July 27, 2017

(I am bored at work and fiddling with a torque driver sitting on a table.)

Coworker: *jokingly* “[My Name], that is not a f****** toy.”

Me: “Well, I sure HOPE nobody’s using it for f******.”

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