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Education Is Not Equal To Intelligence

, , | Right | March 11, 2022

A regular customer with a PhD brought a timer to me.

Customer: “Why isn’t this working anymore?”

Me: “Have you changed the battery?”

Customer: “It has batteries?”

A few months later, he came in with a headlamp.

Customer: “This isn’t working. And I changed the batteries!”

I fixed it.

Customer: “How did you do that?”

Me: “I replaced the bulb.”

Customer: “It has a bulb?”

Don’t Expect To Get The Store’s Backing

, , | Right | July 29, 2021

I own an electronic repair shop. We have a semi-regular customer that can be a pain. This customer has asked if we could open shop early for them and has even asked if they could come to our homes to drop off stuff after hours — big no.

They have brought in two identical phones to be repaired. One needs a new front glass display, and the other one just needs the backing replaced. The phone with the broken backing works and functions fine; the back is just all cracked and smashed. The one with the broken front also has a tiny crack on the back, but they do not want to fix it.

We fix both at the customer’s request and they leave happy. Three weeks later, the customer comes in with one of the phones — the one they had the new backing put on — and the backing is missing.

Customer: “I had this backing replaced a few weeks ago and it fell off and smashed.”

I know this is impossible. They just don’t fall off because of the two-way sticky tape that is pre-installed. We even use extra so it doesn’t fall off. The only way you can get it off is to use a pry tool, which usually makes it smash if you don’t have the experience to remove it.

Me: “Oh, that is awful. Let me see the backing and I will determine if it was our fault or if any physical damage was done.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t have it. It was completely broken and I threw it in the garbage.”

Me: “You mean you don’t have the backing any longer?”

Customer: “No, it was useless and I threw it in the garbage; it was all broken.”

Me: “Without the product in question, there is not much we can do. We need to see it to determine what happened, whether it was defective or any fault of ours.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it anymore; it was broken. What can you do for me?”

Me: “Unfortunately, without the product returned, the only thing we can do is replace it, but you would have to purchase a new one.”

Customer: “What? I have to pay for another one even though the other one broke when it fell off?”

Me: “Yes, in order to receive any compensation, discount, warranty, or anything, the product in question must be returned so we can see it.”

The customer storms out. After that, we are thinking about it, and I turn to my coworker.

Me: “I bet you that the backing is still fine on the phone, and they brought in the other one with the small cracks on the back that they didn’t want to get replaced when we did the repair for the front the first time around. That’s why they couldn’t produce the backing that we purchased from us and we had installed.”

This person works at a popular big box chain retail store. They should know that if you buy something and it’s defective, you’re not going to get a replacement unless you bring back the original product first.

I’ll Eat My Sandwich, You’ll Eat Your Words

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: PupSpace | July 13, 2021

I work in a mall store doing tech repair. Today, I close the store for about fifteen minutes to go get food from the food court. I get back to the store and start reopening when a lady comes fast-stepping into the store.

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “Excuse me, I came by earlier and you were closed. I need my phone fixed and I’m very busy today.”

Me: “I’m sorry. I had to go get food.”

I point at my cheesesteak which I was eating when she came in. Clearly, it’s lunchtime.

Customer: “You’re at work! You’re not supposed to eat at work!

Me: “Again, I’m sorry. I didn’t eat breakfast and my blood sugar—”

Customer: *Interrupting, screaming* “It’s unprofessional to eat at work! And it’s rude to close the store for something as trivial as that!”

As trivial as basic human sustenance? Time to change the subject. I apologize for the third time.

Me: “I’m sorry. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My phone won’t charge! It’s been dead for three days.”

I plug her phone into my amp meter, and there’s a trickle of power going in. I take a pair of tweezers, and in her charging port are a few little pieces of dust and pocket lint. I plug it back in, and it starts charging perfectly.

I hand it back and start to explain it’ll be free because it was an easy repair when she starts yelling again.

Customer: “You couldn’t have fixed it that fast! It’s not okay to short a customer!”

Fine. If she wants it done “right,” I’ll do it right.

I pull a chair up for her and turn on some music and open the phone up. I fiddle around with the charging port for a while, pretending to “fix” a phone I already fixed.

Me: “Since I opened your phone, I have to charge you $50 for the labor.”

Customer: “Now I know you were trying to waste my time!”

She paid the $50 and left, and I have a good laugh over making a sale that I didn’t need to make for a phone that didn’t need a repair.

Every Sentence That Starts “Pimp My” Is A Bad One

, , , , | Right | May 18, 2020

Our family operates a bakery, but my husband also repairs iPhones, etc., on the side.

A big SUV pulls up in front of the shop and out gets this not-so-petite girl with all kinds of rhinestones, shocking pink and leopard print, skin-tight leggings instead of pants, the whole nine yards. She trots into the store.

Customer: “Someone tol’ me that some man here does cell phones.”

Me: “Yes, my husband repairs broken glass and stuff like that, depending on the type of phone.”

Customer: “Do you have any pictures of his work?”

Me: “Not really, since it’s just a matter of changing the glass or the case.”

Customer: “No, no, I want him to fix my phone but I want to see his work.”

Me: “There are no photos to show. He just changes the glass or the case and it’s done; nothing worth taking pictures of.”

Customer: “No, I want him to pimp my phone. You know… with rhinestones and bling and s*** like that.”

Me: “Sorry, he doesn’t pimp phones with diamonds like that; he just fixes broken glass.”

Customer: “D***, I want to pimp my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, no pimping here!”

You don’t want a fifty-year-old white man pimping your phone!

What They Were LED To Believe

, , | Right | May 14, 2020

I work in a call centre as product support for a well-known electronics company.

Me: “[Company]’s product support, [My Name] speaking; how may I help you?”

Customer: “Hi. I just bought this television and now, when I’m trying to watch it, I don’t see any picture. I do get picture if I use my new DVD player with it.”

Me: “Okay. So, just to specify, it’s a [Company] television?”

Customer: *Frustrated voice* “Yes, yes.”

Me: “All right, can I get the model number of the TV?”

The customer starts saying a weird-sounding model number and mentions another big electronics company’s name while muttering something inaudible.

Me: “Just a moment, did you just say [Company #2]?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “So, is this actually a [Company #2]’s television?”

Customer: *Sighs frustratedly* “Yes?”

Me: “Do you realize you’re calling [Company]’s product support?”

Customer: “Yes, but it’s LED!”

I pause.

Me: “That still doesn’t make it our television. Here, I’ll find out the number for [Company #2]’s product support.”