It’s time to renew my driver’s license, and because I have to upgrade to a Real ID, I need to renew in person at the DMV instead of online. I fill out the preliminary paperwork and am told I don’t need an appointment; just come to the DMV and show someone my completed paperwork. I arrive fairly early, hoping to avoid a crowd, but after they’ve opened for the day. 

Due to health crisis regulations, there is an employee doing check-ins at a table in front of the building. It’s not clear if the line at her table is for appointments only, whether I have to show another employee my paperwork first, etc. I see no other employees directing people. I look around for just a moment, trying to assess where to go.

Employee: “Ma’am! You need to get in that line!”

Me: “Okay, thank you.”

I get in line and wait. There are no other employees outside that I see. After about twenty minutes, it’s my turn. I have just watched the DMV employee at the table repeatedly explain to the person in front of me what he needed to do, and it’s fairly obvious her patience has worn thin, so I’m feeling proud of myself for having all my paperwork in order already.

Employee: “Next.”

Me: “Hi! I’m here to renew my license and—”

Employee: “Didn’t you do the screening?”

Me: “I— Screening?”

Employee: *Loudly and slowly* “WHERE. IS. YOUR. STICKER?”

I can feel myself getting physically smaller.

Me: “Sticker?”

Employee: *Exasperated sigh* “Have you been exposed to [contagious illness] in the past two weeks?”

Oh. She meant a [contagious illness] screening and temperature check, after which I’d be given a sticker that I’d passed. But I hadn’t seen any employees doing a screening on people waiting! Why was nobody walking the line to make sure people were being screened?

The employee screened me and gave me a sticker, but not without making me feel like I’d personally messed up her entire morning.

I work at a hotel. It’s high-end, so we often take the approach of just appeasing guests no matter what. I frequently have to bite my tongue. However, we have a very desirable parking lot, and when people poach it, we boot them. I love enforcing this because I don’t have to bite my tongue or apologize, as they aren’t guests.

A young woman parks and walks to the neighboring hotel. Our general manager happens to be in the lot.

General Manager: “Hey, just FYI, this is parking for [Our Hotel], not [Neighboring Hotel].”

She simply flips him off and walks into the neighboring hotel. The manager calls me and tells me what happened. I giggle, grab the boot, and slap it on her car. She comes back screaming and ranting.

Me: “The cost to remove it is $200.”

She calls the police. The police simply ask:

Police: “Is this a private lot?”

Woman: “Yes.”

Police: “Okay, then pay them.”

She refuses to pay and storms off. I get a call requesting the manager. I speak with the caller; it’s the woman’s mom.

Woman’s Mother: “Oh, my daughter didn’t know. She was there for a job interview!”

I let her go on, and when she finally stops making excuses, I tell her:

Me: “Your daughter flipped off the general manager. The boot is not coming off without payment.”

She hung up. The daughter came back and silently handed me the money, with a look of rage on her face. I’ve never been so internally giggly before.

Customer: “Why do you take the marrow out of your pork chops?! I can’t believe you do that!”

Me: “Marrow? We don’t take the marrow out. That’s almost impossible to do.”

Customer: “Yes, you do. When I get pork chops from [Competitor], they have the marrow in them. I buy them here, no marrow.”

Me: “I promise you; we don’t remove any marrow.”

Customer: *Pointing to the chop* “Right here. No marrow!”

Me: “Um… we remove that, but that’s not bone marrow.”

Customer: “Then what is it?”

Me: “Um… the spinal cord.”

Customer: “…Am I gonna get sick?”

A young, pregnant coworker has a stranger stare disapprovingly at her and then walk up and say:

Customer: “Pregnancy isn’t very becoming on you.”

Coworker: “Well, being a nosey rude b**** isn’t becoming on you, but here we are.”

A customer is trying to demand we accept a coupon for alcohol that we cannot legally take in my state. She’s spent nearly ten minutes berating my cashier before I’m made aware of the situation, so I head up to the registers as quickly as I can.

While I’m approaching, I hear:

Customer: “You can’t even do a decent job ringing things up! No wonder you’re working at [Store]! I bet you’ll never move past cashier with that hair color and those tattoos!”

My cashier in question has brown hair but has two stripes of peek-a-boo rainbow hair that’s hidden when she wears her hair down (though it’s worn up at this time and it’s visible), and one or two small visible tattoos.

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m the manager, and I had heard that you had a problem? Maybe I can help fix it?”

The customer whirls around, an already smug grin on her face, and she gets a good look at me in all of my green-haired, tattooed, pierced glory.

Me: “You asked to speak to the manager, right? How can I help you?”

She left without another word, but I’ve never seen someone as red in the face in person as she was!