I have just given a customer their prescription when they suddenly get a shocked look on their face.
Customer: “When am I?!”
Me: “Uh… it’s 7:15 pm.”
Customer: “No! The date! I need to know the date!”
Me: “July 8th.”
Customer: “What year?!”
Me: “2023.”
Customer: “Oh, no! I came too far!”
He runs out without explanation.
Next Customer: “What is he taking? I want to make sure I’m not on the same thing!”
I am on the customer service line for my large retail store.
Caller: “I ordered [item] yesterday, and I want to come in to collect it. How late are you open?”
She did order it yesterday, but just before close, so the item will arrive tomorrow.
Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I am looking at the system and your order won’t be in until the store opens tomorrow.”
Realistically, the deliveries show up at 5:00 am, but the business opens at 6:30.
Caller: “No! I want to pick it up tonight!”
Me: “It will be ready for pickup tomorrow, ma’am.”
Caller: “That’s very disappointing! I expect you to call me as soon as the item has been delivered.”
Me: “Yes, ma’am.”
Caller: “As soon as it’s delivered! If you delay me any further, I will complain!”
Me: “As soon as it’s delivered, ma’am?”
Caller: “Yes! Delivered! Can’t you understand English?”
Me: “Loud and clear, ma’am.”
Caller: “Hmm… We’ll see.”
The next day, at 5:00 am on the dot, I’m making a phone call back to the original caller.
Caller: *Very groggy, after about five rings* “Hello?”
Me: “Hi, this is [My Name] calling from [Store] to let you know the item you ordered has arrived and is ready for pickup at your earliest convenience once we open.”
Caller: “What f****** time is it?!”
Me: “Five in the morning, ma’am. The item has just been delivered, and I am calling you as you so clearly instructed yesterday. We open at 6:30 am.”
She just hung up. That was yesterday, and her order is still waiting for her to pick it up.
I recently had to call my primary care office to schedule an appointment.
Me: “Hello, this is [My Name]. I need to schedule a four-week follow-up with [Doctor].”
After the usual checks and some typing…
Scheduler: “She has a 9:00 on Friday, August 18th.”
I don’t really want a doctor’s appointment first thing in the morning.
Me: “Does she have anything else? A tele-visit is fine.”
Scheduler: “Do you have a preference for another day or time?”
Me: “No, just not… then.”
I hear more typing.
Scheduler: “What about 2:30 on Monday the 24th?”
Me: “Um, that’s this Monday? No, it needs to be a month out.”
Scheduler: *Suddenly huffy* “Well, that’s why I asked!
I’m not sure if she forgot that she was scheduling a four-week follow-up but it still seems strange that my rejection of the Friday 9:00 am slot sent her looking days rather than weeks out. We ended up arranging it for an appropriate Tuesday afternoon.
A client asks me to design several logos. I write up the contract, and he signs it and sends me the money right away. I get to work immediately and send him a few rough drafts within a week.
Four months later, he writes back.
Client: “These look pretty good! Could you just make a few minor changes?”
No problem. I make the changes in two days.
I don’t hear from him for another SIX MONTHS.
Today, he called me to say that the logos are great, and he wants to move forward with packaging.
At this point, I figure since he’s been so lackadaisical about getting back to me, I might as well put him on the back burner.
Me: “Great! I have a few other projects going right now. I’ll turn that around for you in three weeks.”
Client: “Please start working on it immediately. I want it done by the end of the week.”
What the h***?
I work in a twenty-four-seven convenience store where it is common to see such places run by either Asian or South Asian families. I am Korean myself, but this store is not run by anyone I am related to.
A woman comes to the counter at 3:00 am one night with a single box of cereal. She points to our opening hours.
Customer: “What does ’24/7/365′ mean?”
Me: “It means we’re open twenty-four hours a day, every day of the week, and every day of the year.”
Customer: “So, when do you close?!”
Me: “Never, ma’am. The store is always open.”
Customer: “But… when do you get to go home?!”
Me: *Jokingly* “Oh, we get to work shifts! We have a bed in the storage cupboard, and another guy and I take it in turns.”
Customer: *Genuinely distressed* “Oh… that’s awful! That’s… that’s terrible!”
Me: “Ma’am, I was joking. I work eight hours a day, and then I go home. I don’t… live here.”
Customer: “I thought your people lived in the stores they ran?”
Me: “Uh… that’s not true.”
Customer: “If you’re being kept here against your will, you can tell me! I can get the word out!”
Me: *Desperately wanting the conversation to be over* “Your cereal is $4, ma’am.”
Customer: “Is that code for ‘help me’?”
Me: “In a manner of speaking.”
Related:
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 5
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 4
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 3
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!, Part 2
Never Joke With The Customers… Ever!
