Caught In A Supreme Lie

, , , | Right | June 2, 2017

(I work in a pizza restaurant known for its “$5 Hot and Ready” pizzas. Every day from 11 am to 2 pm, we sell lunch combos, which is half a deep dish and a 20 oz drink. The advertisements for the lunch combos clearly state they are only available until 2 pm. It is around 2:30 pm.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a lunch combo.”

Me: “Okay, but it will be seven minutes since we don’t have one up.”

Customer: “Why don’t you have one ready? I don’t have time to wait!”

Me: “We don’t have one ready because we don’t keep Lunch Combos Hot and Ready after 2 pm.”

Customer: “Where does it say that?”

Me: “It’s on the advertisement at the bottom.” *points to cardboard advertisement on counter*

Customer: “I’m in a hurry! I don’t have time to read signs! Never mind, I don’t want it anymore! I’ll just take a Supreme.”

Me: “We don’t keep those Hot and Ready until four. It will take about five to six minutes.”

Customer: “That’s fine. I’ll wait.”

(Guess he wasn’t in that big a hurry after all.)

One Day It Will Make Scents

, , , , | Related | November 20, 2013

(I am driving my eight-year-old daughter to school early in the morning when a news story comes on the radio station.)

Radio: “The bodyguard of [Famous Singer] is suing because she farted in his presence.”

Daughter: “Oh, my God! Why would she do that to that man’s presents?”

He’s The Best Actor Of The Bunch

, , , , | | Right | October 14, 2013

(It’s mid-September. I’m helping my parents with their haunted house by working in the concessions stand. For the past few years, a customer has gone through and come back out blackened and bruised,, and sues us, claiming one of our actors hit him. Due to lack of evidence he has never won a case, but the trials themselves drain away anywhere from $500-$1000 of our income. We banned him the year before, but this year he comes back and we’re sure it’s to try his scam again. The cashier is new and doesn’t know his face, so she goes ahead and sells him a ticket. After that he walks up to the stand where my coworker and I are.)

Customer: “Man, just starting the season, and you guys are already this busy? I bet you’ll be rich before the year is over.”

Coworker: “Yeah… I get a feeling not as much as we should, since you’re here.”

Customer: “Aw, come on; I can’t help it that your employees are all brutes and bullies. Anyway, I’m going to go ahead and go in. Take care!”

(My coworker looks ready to call security; I tap her on the shoulder and shake my head, watching as the man goes through.)

Coworker: “Why did you do that? You know what he’s going to do.”

(I give my best slasher smile.)

Me: “We bought security cameras this year.”

(Sure enough, he made another attempt at his scam. The camera caught him goading an actor into attacking him, and when they didn’t fall for it, he walked out of sight of people but still where cameras were. He bashed his arm and head against the wall until he bruised. When he tried to sue, we let him take to us to court and showed the camera footage. The case was dropped immediately, and we counter-sued him for roughly three times the cost of being taken to court, very nearly making up all the money he had scammed out of us in the years past.)

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You Working It Makes Others’ Work Worth It

, , , , | Nashville, TN, USA | Working | March 22, 2013

(A couple of years ago I was busking, or performing on the streets, of Nashville. At the time I had just been laid off, so busking was my only source of income until I found another job. One Friday evening in winter, I am bundled up and doing my best to keep playing and singing, but due to the cold weather I’ve barely made $15 after four hours. I am almost ready to call it a night when an SUV rolls up next to me and double parks. A man in a business suit jumps out and runs up to me.)

Business Suit Man: “Here, this is for you.”

(He holds his hand out, and I see a fat roll of money. I take it from him with shivering hands and look: it’s almost $500.)

Me: “Oh, my God. No, it’s too much!”

(The man shakes his head and presses the money back into my hand.)

Business Suit Man: “Nope, it’s yours. My friends and I work in the building across the street and we’ve been listening to you for the last few hours. The music made our Friday go by faster and you were doing it out here in this cold, so we decided we wanted to take up a collection in the office and make your night.”

(I keep shaking my head no and start sobbing, but the man steadfastly refuses to take the money back. Car horns start honking at the double-parked car, so he runs back to the passenger side and climbs in. As he does so, he shouts back to me.)

Business Suit Man: “Buy yourself something warm to eat and get out of this cold!”

(And before I knew it, he and the car were gone. It didn’t strike me until after the car pulled away that I never said thank you. I was too much in shock to get a good look at him, so I’m not sure if I ever saw him again, but wherever you are, Business Suit Man, thank you. You most definitely made my night.)

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