I do tech support for a cell phone provider.

Caller: “My iPhone screen is stuck on the Apple logo!”

I go through the usual steps of trying to get him to get it restarted, but no matter what we try, he says he’s just seeing the Apple logo.

Me: “I honestly have never seen this issue before. Can you tell me the model number? I’ll try to see if I can troubleshoot further.”

Caller: “How do I find the model number?”

Me: “It should be on the back. It’s part of the small text at the bottom of the phone.”

Caller: “There’s nothing on the back; it’s just some black glass.”

Me: “Wait… there’s what on the back?”

Caller: “Just some black glass.”

Yes. After twenty minutes, I realized that he had been looking at the back of his phone this whole time. I have no idea who thought it was a good idea to get this man a smartphone. 

Related:
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 50
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 49
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 48
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 47
Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 46

An older lady storms up to me and casually tosses her expensive-looking phone at me.

Customer: “The email isn’t working. Make it work.”

Me: “Do you use the built-in email app or a third-party—”

Customer: “I don’t know what any of that means. I don’t do computers. Just make it work.”

I open the phone’s native mailing app and see that she’s logged herself out.

Me: “If you like, I could show you how to—”

Customer: “I’m too old for these new things. All you young people, making up all these new things like email and homosexuals!”

Me: “Uh… homosexuals?”

Customer: “They didn’t have email and gays back in my day! We all just sent letters and kissed the right people! They’re all stupid modern inventions.”

Me: “The ancient Greeks might disagree with you.”

Customer: “The ancient Greeks had email?”

Me: “…no.” 

I quietly sorted her out and tried not to question why she would group both email and “the gays” as that particular hill for her to die on today.

Client: “The executives have us on a very tight budget, so don’t expect your going rate. As you can see, everyone has these cheap knockoff ‘dɥ’ brand laptops.”

The client points to the logo on a laptop cover.

Client: “Have you ever even heard of ‘dɥ’ brand?

Me: “Actually, I think that’s an upside-down Hewlett-Packard logo…”

Me: “A two-page web design will cost [amount]. A four-page would be [higher amount], six—”

Client: “How much if it was double-sided?”

Me: “The website?”

Client: “Yes.”

Patron: “Can I use your computer to print some pages?”

Me: “Yes, it’s [cost] per page. Let me get you set up over here. Do you know how to—”

Patron: “Yes, yes, I know how to print!”

Less than an hour later, I notice she has printed over a hundred pages. She had to put in her card details before she logged in, so she is being charged for every page. I ask if she intended to print that many.

Patron: *Blowing up at me* “No! But your computer is being difficult! You’d better not charge me!”

I can physically see her selecting the wrong option on the computer.

Me: “Ma’am, our terms of use say the user is responsible for these errors, so we can’t refund you.”

Patron: “Fine! But I still want to know what you’re going to do about it!”

Me: “Well, as I said, we—”

Patron: “You need to fix this for me!”

Me: “Well, we can—”

Patron: “What are you going to do for me?!”

Me: *Speaking over her* “How would you like me to fix this for you? How can I help make this right?”

She stares at me and then yells.

Patron: “You don’t want to help me at all!” *Stomps off*