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Trust Me, He’ll Want To Wake Up For This

, , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(The fire alarm is going off at our extended-stay hotel. I get a call at the front desk.)

Hotel Guest: “What is that sound?”

Me: “That’s the fire alarm, ma’am. Please evacuate the building.”

Hotel Guest: “Well, can you please turn it off? My son is sleeping.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t do that. Only the fire department can, once they inspect the building. Please take your son and evacuate the building immediately.”

Hotel Guest: “I can’t do that! He’s sleeping!”

Me: *bangs head on the counter*


This story is part of our Even More Dangerous Parent’s roundup!

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Water You, Stupid

, , , , | Right | June 30, 2008

(While passing through airport security, a passenger’s bag needs to be pulled because the x-ray operator sees an obvious big bottle of water when the limit is 3.4 oz.)

Me: “Whose bag is this?”

Passenger: “Oh! Oh! Oohhh! It’s mine! Is there something wrong?”

Me: “I just need to take a quick look inside, ma’am. This shouldn’t take more than a couple of minutes.”

Passenger: “Well, hurry. I think they’re boarding my plane.”

(I open her bag and find the bottle almost immediately. She gasps as I pull it out.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid you cannot have this beyond this point.”

Passenger: “Why not? I just bought it, and it’s unopened!”

Me: “Ma’am, the rules clearly state that you cannot have any liquids over 3.4 oz in your carry on. If you’d like to, you could–”

Passenger: “But that’s not a liquid!”

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am?”

Passenger: “It’s not a liquid! It’s water! W-A-T-E-R! You know, H-2-O? For the love of God, don’t they hire anyone with more than a grade school education for security?”

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iPod, Meet iDiet

, , , , , | Right | June 29, 2008

(I’ve just spent about ten minutes answering fairly standard questions from a customer about an iPod. Then, they asked this one…)

Customer: “Oh, before you leave I have one more question!”

Me: “Sure, what can I help you with?”

Customer: “Will the iPod get heavier if I put more songs on it?”

Me: “No…?”

(I was so dumbfounded I didn’t realize how stupid the question actually was until ten minutes later.)

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The Inadvertent Thief

, , , , , , | Right | June 26, 2008

Lady: “Do you sell aloe vera gel?”

Me: “No, I’m afraid we don’t, but you might be able to get it at [Store] down the street.”

Lady: “Oh, great, thanks.”

(She leaves and ten minutes later returns wielding a tube, looking irritated.)

Me: “Hello again, did you manage to find it okay?”

Lady: “No! You told me they had aloe vera gel! All they had is the cream! I don’t want the cream!”

Me: “Um… you didn’t want the cream but you bought it anyway?”

Lady: “No, of course I didn’t BUY–”

(She suddenly stopped and looked at the tube in her hand. Her expression turned to horror and she legged it back out the door. My coworkers and I laughed for a good ten minutes at that one.)


This story is part of the Totally Unobservant Customers roundup!

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Like A Spin Cycle, Round And Round

, , , | Right | June 21, 2008

Me: “Hello, welcome to PC support. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I just bought this washing machine.”

Me: “You’ll have to call customer service. This is PC support. Call back on the same number you just dialed, select two in the first menu and then three in the second menu to get to customer service.”

Customer: “Okay, transfer me to customer service.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not able to do that. You will have to call back on the same number and select two in the first menu, three in the second.”

Customer: “Can you give me the number to customer service?”

Me: “It’s the same number you just called. Press two and then three in the menus.”

Customer: “What happens if I press two now?”

Me: “Well, I will get a beep in my ear and I don’t like that. Please hang up and call back on the same number before pressing any keys.”

Customer: “Hrmf!” *hangs up*

(20 seconds later…)

Me: “Hello, welcome to PC support. How may I help?”

Customer: “Hello, I just bought this washing machine.”

Me: *sigh*

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