I got a call to go and see why a customer’s Internet was running very slow. I went to the customer’s home, which was in a complex, and yes, the Internet was very slow — and I mean VERY slow.

I took a look at the router, and the light was flashing like mad all the time. I turned off his computer, and the light still was flashing.

Me: “Have you given your Wi-Fi password to anyone else?”

Customer: “Yes.”

I rebooted his computer and entered the codes to get into the router, and then I changed the Wi-Fi password and rebooted the router.

And the Wi-Fi light stopped flashing!

It turned out the man he had given the Wi-Fi code to had told someone else, and it had been passed all around the complex.

A lot of people were not happy at no Internet. I also told him not to tell anyone the new password.

(During my family’s trip to the waterpark, the aqua photographers take pictures of us. On our way out, we go to the stall, look at the computer, find our photo, and purchase it.)

Checkout Guy: “Here’s your picture.”

(The picture looks nothing like the computers and barely has any colour.)

Me: “I’m sorry; I don’t usually do this, but the picture doesn’t look like what I ordered.”

Checkout Guy: “Can you not see?! It’s clearly the same photograph.”

(I don’t like confrontation, so my cousin swoops in.)

Cousin: “Excuse me. My cousin paid €15 for this photo, and you can’t see the colour of the sky.”

Checkout Guy: *obviously not local* “Ugh, you’re just as bad as your country. THE PHOTO IS THE F****** SAME!”

Me: “Well, I don’t want a photo with no colour.”

Checkout Guy: “Not my problem.” *turns back and starts talking with another customer*

(We ended up complaining to the front office and later learned that the printer ran out of ink and the cashier guy was supposed to change it, but at least I got my money back.)

(My uncle served in the British military and was stationed in Cyprus in the ’80s. One day he and another soldier are tasked with observing the Turkish side, reporting anything that happens. They reported earlier that a Turk was reinforcing the minefield.)

Partner: “Hey, [Uncle], what does that look like to you?” *points at the minefield*

(He looks through binoculars to where [Partner] is pointing and sees the guy that was laying mines looking around frantically and constantly turning the map he has.)

Uncle: “Looks to me like he mined himself into a corner.”

Partner: “That’s what I thought.”

Uncle & Partner: *laughing hysterically*

(They called it in and the Turks were notified. It took some time, but he managed to get out safely and got a severe tongue lashing from his CO.)

(I work in customer service for an Internet service provider in Cyprus. Our systems give customers the option for Greek or English before connecting them to an agent. We are having a relatively quiet day, and then I get this call.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [ISP]. This is [My Name]; how may I help you?”

Caller: *sounds annoyed* “Yeah, my Internet’s down.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Give me a moment to check on that.”

(I glance at the phone number he’s calling from and I see way more numbers than there should be.)

Me: “Sir? Where are you calling from exactly?”

Caller: “What? My house! What kind of question is that?”

Me: “I mean what country, sir.”

Caller: “Are you stupid? The USA, of course! What the h*** is wrong with you?”

Me: “You called an ISP in Cyprus, sir. That’s a European country, and I’m sure we don’t provide you or anyone in the USA with any kind of services.”

Caller: *yelling* “How dare you lie to me to get out of doing your job? I can hear you! You f****** sound American!”

Me: “I studied in the USA, though I doubt I still have the accent. That doesn’t change the fact that you called the wrong number and country. You need to call your ISP; I don’t know how you got our number but—“

(He cuts me off and goes on calling me names, saying I’m lazy and a liar, saying that I created a made-up country just to get out of doing work, and so on. I’m getting really annoyed, so I talk over him. Normally this would be a big no-no for my manager, but I risk it since there’s no chance this guy is or ever will be our customer.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I can’t help you. I doubt anyone can, so I’m hanging up now, but if you ever get your Internet back I suggest you Google where you called and maybe learn something.”

(Later I found out he called back several times, getting more and more annoyed with our agents until someone connected him to our manager. Turns out he went out to find a connection then he somehow ended up on our website, figured, “Eh, an ISP is an ISP,” wrote our number down, and gave us a call. As far as I know, he still thinks we lied to him just to get out of a bit of extra work.)