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Not Dyed Dark Enough, Apparently

, , , | Right | June 20, 2008

(My father does all sorts of contracting work from plumbing to construction. This is a phone call he had with a customer whose home he’s worked at before.)

Customer: “I went to take a shower and there’s no hot water in the bathroom. I want you to come over and fix it.”

Him: “No hot water? Is there any water coming from the faucet at all?”

Customer: “Well, I turned it a little bit and no water came out!”

Him: “Okay. Go into the kitchen, and turn on the tap in the sink there. Tell me if you get any water. ”

Customer: *long pause* “… okay, I get water on this tap.”

Him: “Is it running hot?”

Customer: “Yes, it is.”

Him: “Well, the hot water is all on the same line, so the kitchen sink and the shower should have hot water. Are you sure you turned the tap on far enough?”

Customer: “Now listen here! I may be blond but I dye my hair! I have dark roots, you know! I’d know whether or not I turned on the tap far enough, and I know I did!”

(She hangs up, and a few minutes pass. The phone rings again.)

Him: “Hello?”

Customer: “The hot water’s working in the shower now. I just didn’t turn on the tap for long enough…”

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How About Your Husband Buy You A Brain

, , , , | Right | June 19, 2008

Woman: “Your f***ing machine won’t accept my memory card from my camera!”

Me: “That’s very strange, ma’am, as our machines accept all of the memory cards that I’ve ever heard of.”

Woman: “Well, your machines are obviously old! My husband bought me an EXPENSIVE camera, because I only like the best! You people need to get better machines! My memory card won’t even FIT in any of the slots!”

Me: “May I see your memory card? Maybe I can figure out what’s wrong.”

(Woman hands me her memory card huffily.)

Me: “Um… ma’am, I don’t know how to tell you this, but this is your camera battery.”

Woman: “…”

(She snatched her battery out of my hands and stormed out of the store.)

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Digging Your Way Out Of A Hole

, , , , , | Right | June 16, 2008

Woman: *on phone* “You guys need to take that at-fault accident off my record.”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t do that. You’ll have to dispute that with the DMV.”

Woman: “What’s that?”

Me: “The Department of Motor Vehicles.”

Woman: “Why can’t you take it off? You were the one put it on there.”

Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t put anything on your record. The DMV did. What happened in that accident?”

Woman: “I bumped into someone.”

Me: “So you rear-ended someone? What were you doing?”

Woman: “Drinking a beer.”

Me: “Drinking a beer? While driving? Ma’am, if you rear-ended someone and had an open container of alcohol in your car it would be two violations, possibly three.”

Woman: “See? There you go again, puttin’ stuff on my record.”

Me: “Right.”


This story is part of our Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup!

Read the next Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup story!

Read the Even-More-Bad-Drivers roundup!


This story is part of the Ignorant-About-Insurance roundup!

Read the next Ignorant-About-Insurance roundup story!

Read the Ignorant-About-Insurance roundup!

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Lesson Of The Day: Food Poisoning = Bad

, , , , | Right | June 16, 2008

(Note: the FDA recently recalled tomatoes because of a salmonella outbreak.)

Me: “… and what veggies would you like on your sandwich?”

Customer: “Lettuce, tomato, and onion; that’s all. And some mayo.”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, we’re not selling tomatoes right now, but I’ll put the rest of that on for you.”

Customer: “What? Why can’t I have tomatoes?”

Me: “Because the FDA is worried that they may be contaminated with salmonella and until we’re sure that ours are safe, we’re not allowed to sell them.”

Customer: “Your tomatoes are contaminated?! How can you sell tomatoes that are contaminated? That’s disgusting! I can’t believe you!”

Me: “Ma’am we’re NOT selling them.”

Customer: “Well, why the h*** not?!”

Me: “Because the FDA says they might not be safe and we don’t want our customers to get sick.”

Customer: “Well, that’s stupid. I want tomatoes.”

Me: “All right, ma’am, but I suggest you leave off the mayonnaise, then.”

Customer: “Umm… okay. Why?”

Me: “It tends to taste bad when mixed with salmonella.”

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It’s Gonna Be A Long Call, Part 2

, , , , | Right | June 12, 2008

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. What is the issue you’re calling about?”

Customer: “I can’t get Wi-Fi on my phone!”

Me: “Okay, what does the phone say when you try to connect?”

Customer: “It asks me for a password, but I don’t know the password!”

Me: “Ma’am, it’s the password you set when you first got your router.”

Customer: “Router? What the heck is a router?”

Me: “It’s the little box you have connected to your Internet to enable Wi-Fi.”

Customer: “Why the heck would I have internet? I don’t even own a computer!”

Me: *sigh*

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