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If You’re Gonna Be A Chump You’re Gonna Lose Your Pump

, , , | Right | May 17, 2022


About ten years ago my grandfather passed away suddenly from a heart attack. I received the phone call as I got into my car to leave for work. I was completely blindsided by the news. In hindsight, I should’ve called out and not worked my shift, but being a teenager in a very poor family, I decided to tough it out to keep my younger siblings fed.

Less than an hour into my shift, a man came to the window to purchase gas. Our intercom wasn’t the best, so if the customer didn’t speak up, it made them difficult to understand. Without giving me the chance to even greet him, he threw a twenty-dollar bill in the tray and turned to walk away. As he turned away to walk to his truck, he said:

Customer: “Twenty dollars on pump [unintelligible].”

Not wanting to put his money on the wrong pump, I left the register and jogged out in the direction he walked to confirm which pump he was parked at. When I found him, he was already trying to pump his gas, and was becoming frustrated.

Customer: “Why isn’t this f****** thing working?”

Me: “Sorry, I didn’t hear which pump you were at when you paid, so I came out to see where you were parked.”

Customer: “Were you not paying attention? I told you I was on nine. Can you not f****** handle a minimum wage job that a monkey could do? Wake the f*** up!”

I was completely caught off guard by his hostility, and all I could think to do was apologize.

Me: “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to cause a problem for you. My grandpa just died, and I’m having a hard time processing it.”

Customer: “Grow up, man. People die every day. If you can’t handle someone dying, you might as well off yourself now, cause things aren’t going to get any easier for you. Now do your dumb f****** job and fix my f****** pump.”

I didn’t respond to his rant and just went back to the register.

While putting his money on the correct pump, I saw the man walking in circles, gesturing wildly, and talking on his phone. I couldn’t hear what was said, but after about thirty seconds the man stomped back to his truck and peeled out of the parking lot, completely forgetting about the money he left behind.

Rather than have an overage in my drawer, I sat the twenty-dollar bill to the side and hoped he wouldn’t return to look for it. About an hour from closing I decided to add the twenty to the pump of the next customer that I thought might really need it. It was risky, but after what had transpired earlier, I didn’t care.

About ten minutes to closing, a mother and several kids in a beat-up car pulled up to the pump closest to my window. Through the car’s side window, I could see that her and the kids were counting change, and I decided that they would be today’s lucky winners. After a few minutes, one of the kids came to the window with a dejected look and asked for $2.71 on their pump. I told the kid that I would take care of it, and to tell the mother to pump $22.71. The mother came to the window to ask what was going on, and I told her that it was just my way of doing something nice and that all I wanted in return was for her to pay it forward. She thanked me profusely and pumped the gas.

The man never did come back, and while that day may have been one of the worst days of my life, I did my best to make it a great day for someone else.

Florida Man Sells Gun

, , , , , | Right | May 17, 2022

Me: “Is the weapon unloaded?”

Seller: “Yes.”

He pulls the trigger and the weapon fires through the glass cabinet in between us and into the floor.

Seller: “No.”

He ejects the magazine and then hands me the gun.

Seller: “Yes.”

I take the weapon from him and pull back the slide, ejecting a round from the chamber.

Seller: “No”

Me: “Get out.”

Seller: *Sadly.* “…yes.”

He then took his weapon back and, after being directed to do so by an employee, waited patiently outside for the police to come and take statements on the incident. Afterward we actually did end up buying the weapon from him (at a reduced cost to cover replacing our glass) and it has already gone to a much more competent home.

Florida Man Makes An Order
Florida Man Sends Wife Shopping

The Great Resignation, Part 2

, , , , | Working | May 17, 2022

I was working as a fast-food cashier at my first real job. Usually, whenever I ran low on change the manager would tell me to “make it work” and “round up or down.” I hated that, especially because if my drawer was low, I had to return the money. (I didn’t know I had rights.) One day all the managers were in a meeting and I was running low on quarters, I timidly asked if someone could get me some.

Manager: “No. Just make it work. Use dimes or nickels.”

I take a few more orders while asking if the customers happened to have any quarters. Finally, I’m down to one last quarter in the drawer. A customer orders, she has something like ninety cents in change owed to her.

Me: “I’m sorry, but do you have an extra dime? I’m out of quarters and don’t have enough to give you change.”

Customer: “How can you be out of f****** quarters!? Just get your manager!”

Me: “They’re over there. They’re all in a meeting right now and can’t give me any change.”

Customer: “Fine! Just give me whatever the f*** you do have then! Hurry up!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but again I’m out of quarters.”

I hand her ninety cents in one quarter, all my dimes, and a ton of nickels.

Customer: “What the f*** is this s***?! How dare you give me that much change!? I’m going to get you fired you stupid little b****!”

She goes to my managers, slams the money on the table, and yells at them for what I gave her. The manager refunded her money, gave her the order for free, and yelled at me for “not telling them I was low on quarters” and “how dare I give change like that to a customer” and “if you ever do that again you will be fired!”

A few months later I walked out while on shift, two coworkers walked out the same day when they found out I quit. Then over the next two weeks, almost every single employee that wasn’t a manager walked out, quit, or gave their two weeks notice. It’s been seven years and that fast food joint is still so understaffed that they hand out fliers begging people to apply.

The Great Resignation

How Is This Man Not In Jail?

, , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2022


I once managed a photo studio that required a signature anytime portraits were picked up, forcing the customer to acknowledge that they would not try to copy the photos elsewhere.

Pretty basic terms of service, yes? Except, it seems, not for this one guy.

I was already dreading seeing him again, as when he and his partner brought their new-born in for the shoot, I’d had to end the session early and kick him out of my studio after he repeatedly called his partner the worst kind of names because she couldn’t get their seven-day-old to smile on cue, I’d had enough! 

Anyway. He stopped by to pick up his portraits, and I paused the session I was in to hand them to him, rather than have him wait in the crowded area with lots of moms and kids, since I knew he was irrational.

Customer: “Why do I have to sign? I’m refusing!”

He says something something Secret Service FBI 9/11 something something gave him the right to copy his photos.

I did my best to defuse the situation, but he was having none of it, and that’s how I found myself pinned against my studio wall, his hands reaching for my throat, as he threatened to gut me like a deer, put me on the hood of his car, and drive me around town to show everyone what happens when you cross him.

My studio was in a retail store, and one of the clerks finally asks:

Clerk: “Do you think I should call the cops?”

And this is as I am gasping and telling people to call the police! 

Said police arrived. By that time, the retail store manager (not my manager) was there and had contacted my district manager.

Together, they informed me I wasn’t allowed to press charges, and that the disruption was probably my fault. The police begged me to press charges anyway, as this was the fourth time in the last couple of days they’d been called to remove this one customer from various places in town.

My DM stood firm, though, and reminded me that A) I’d get fired if I didn’t make folks sign to pick up photos and B) why did I confront someone over not signing?

So, gentle readers, I quit. A competitor was planning to open a studio, and I gleefully went over there for a bit more money and a lot more autonomy.

The next Christmas season, the same man once again came in for photos, sans partner.

When it came time to review his portrait order, he started to get belligerent with me again, and threatening.

This time, I looked him in the face and said:

Me: “I’m not scared of you. I’ve already called the police on you once and I’ll do it again. If you want portraits from me, you’re going to sit down, shut up, and only open your mouth to politely indicate which ones you’d like to buy. Do you understand me?”

And so he did… and yes, he acknowledged copyright when he picked up that set of photos, too.

Thankfully, I’m long out of retail – this happened twenty years ago – but I’ll never forget my worst customer ever.

Good Luck Scaring Someone Who Works Retail

, , , , , , | Right | May 17, 2022

We have a patient whose employer did not activate his health insurance. The patient is on the phone with his employer and the final resolution was the employer saying that if the insurance coverage did not go through, the employer would reimburse the patient for the full cost of the medication.

For those unaware, the pharmacy has no control over insurance coverage. All we do is send an electronic claim to the insurance, and the insurance either comes back with a copay (aka, what we charge the patient for the medication) or a rejection (patient not covered by [x insurance], medication not covered by insurance, pharmacy not in network, etc.).

The patient informs us he’s paying cash price without his insurance since this insurance isn’t going through. I let him know what the total cost is for all his medications – it’s less than $50, so not even that bad.

Patient: “I’m glad we got that figured out. If I had to come here again, it would be with a gun.”

Me: “…okay, so your total cost is [total]. We’ll ring you up at the register to your left.”

Patient: “Doesn’t that scare you? That I might come back with a gun?”

Honestly, yes, but he’s clearly looking for a reaction.

Me: “Nah. At my last job, patients would bite me on a daily basis.” *Actually true.* “This job is much less scary.”

Patient: “Oh…” *Walks off in disappointment.*