I am sixteen. The flip phone I have doesn’t have customizable ringtones, just the ones that came with it. I’ve been struggling to notice when my phone rings, so I am cycling through all the preset ringtones to find one that will get my attention. I finally decide to try “wolf howl.” How could I not notice that?

A few weeks later I am waiting for a bus and I hear a dog just going nuts, nonstop. I keep turning to try and figure out where it is coming from, but it always seems to be behind me no matter where I turn.

Finally, the bus comes, the sound stops, and I forget about it.

Until I get home… And my mom yells at me for not answering my phone.

(When we take an order for room service, we always close the call by saying, “Your order should be up for you within half an hour.” In this story, the bellman has just come to ask me to call the guest and tell them that the front line in the kitchen is down for some reason and the food is going to take a bit longer. I immediately call the guest. The guest ordered their food about 15 minutes prior to this.)

Me: “Hi. This is [My Name] calling from Room Service. I’m so sorry, but I’ve just been informed that the kitchen is unable to make food at this moment because of a technical difficulty. They’ll hopefully be up and running very soon; would you like to wait a little longer for your order or cancel it?”

Guest: “Well, is there something else I can get? I mean, I’ve been waiting for my food.”

Me: “I’m not sure if they’re able to make anything right now, but I can go ask—”

Guest: *interrupting* “Like maybe a cheese plate?”

Me: “We actually don’t have a cheese plate on our menu here.”

Guest: “Yeah, well, most hotels have them, anyway.”

Me: “I’m afraid we don’t offer a cheese plate, but I’m happy to go ask the kitchen—”

Guest: *interrupting* “Well, I’ve been waiting for my food. You should have called earlier.”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I called you the moment I found out. Would you like me to ask the kitchen—”

Guest: “I could have ordered a pizza. But now I’ve been waiting for my food. Maybe if you had a cheese plate… Or isn’t there something else you can get me? I wish you’d called me earlier.”

Me: “As I said, I called as soon as they informed me. But I can ask the kitchen if there’s anything else they can make.”

Guest: “I just wish you’d called me earlier. Isn’t there anything else I can get?”

(Realising I’m not getting through to her, I give up trying to explain that I need to talk to the kitchen.)

Me: “Please hold, ma’am.”

(I go to ask the chef if they can make anything else for her, and they inform me that the line is actually up and running again, and they’re making her food right now.)

Me: “Ma’am, I’ve actually just spoken to the kitchen, and they’re making your food right now, so that will be along for you in about five minutes.”

Guest: “Well, I wish you’d told me earlier, because you said it would be half an hour and it’s been way longer than that now, and I could have ordered a pizza.”

(It has been about twenty-five minutes since she ordered.)

Me: “As I said, ma’am, I called you as soon as I found out. Your food is on its way now. We are sorry for the inconvenience.”

Guest: “Well, it had better be here soon, then, because I’ve been waiting. You should have called me earlier.”

(My manager ended up comping her meal.)

(It’s my last day of work; I am leaving to be a stay-at-home mom. I have been at this job for five years, so on my last few shifts I have had customers and family of coworkers coming in to say goodbye. I am on my lunch break, and one coworker and her husband come in. We are standing around talking about my toddlers, about me staying home, etc. After I while, I excuse myself to go clock back in. After doing so, I head back toward my register when I walk past them.)

Coworker’s Husband: “Get back to work!”

Me: *being a brat* “No, I don’t want to!”

(I stomp my foot like a small child, cross my arms, and whine.)

Husband: “Now, or else!”

Me: *evil grin* “Or what, I’ll be fired?”

Coworker: “I can see it now: [Manager] telling you just to go home now and never come back.”

Me: “Woohoo, I can start my summer early.”

Husband: “I never said ‘fire.’ If you don’t get back to work, you will never be allowed to leave; we will chain you to the till.”

(The manager is walking past and only hears about chaining me to till.)

Manager: “Now that would be a way to make her stay. Why didn’t I think of that? By the way, why are we chaining her?”

Me: “Because I don’t want to go back to work, we decided it would be a better punishment than firing me at this point.”

(He walks away laughing. I get back to work and finish my day. I have less than ten minutes left when my manager walks out, telling us he will be back in a minute. Thinking he’s going for a smoke, I don’t think anything of it. Next thing I know…)

Coworker #2: “What’s that for?”

(I look over to see my manager coming back in with chain he got from his truck.)

Manager: *with a really evil grin* “It’s a present for [My Name].”

(I almost die of laughter as he wraps it around me, talking to himself.)

Manager: “Now this goes around here… Oh, this should go up here! Now where should I hook it?”

(When it was said and done, he did manage to keep me for an extra ten minutes.)

(I share a yard with my neighbour, and since we both have kids the same age, we are normally playing outside at the same time. Their youngest daughter is three and really has taken a liking to me. One day we are out, and all the kids are playing except her. She is standing next to my chair watching me.)

Me: “Why don’t you go play, sweetheart? What’s your favourite toy out here?”

Three-Year-Old: *with the biggest smile you can imagine* “You!”

(I am currently on maternity leave, but I need a few things from the dollar store, so I go to my work with my infant son. While wandering the aisles, I notice a little boy playing on one of the ladders. My coworker continually shoos him off of it, only for him to play on it the second she turns her back. Being fed up with the child’s behaviour and lack of supervision, I pick up the ladder and carry it to the back of the store, my son on my hip. About a minute later, I’m confronted by an old lady.)

Old Lady: “Why did you move the ladder? My grandson was playing on it and having fun! You shouldn’t touch things that aren’t yours!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I didn’t want to see your grandson get hurt, so I took it to the back.”

Old Lady: “I recognize you; you work here! Why aren’t you in uniform?! Why are you carrying around a baby instead of working?! Does your boss know that you’re playing nanny instead of working?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I usually do work here, yes, but I’m on maternity leave with my son. I’m not ‘nannying’ this baby; he’s my baby! Leave me alone!”

Old Lady: “You don’t get maternity leave! You have to have a real job in order to get maternity leave! Besides, I saw you a few months ago and you weren’t pregnant, liar! I bet you kidnapped that baby from some poor, deserving mother! Give him over!”

(I worked until my 38th week of pregnancy, and I was very visibly pregnant for a long time, enough so that people asked me if I was carrying multiples.)

Me: *holding my son closer and stepping back* “Leave me alone! Don’t touch my child!”

(My manager rushes over at the sound of me yelling, just in time to see the lady grab my son’s arm and pull hard on him to try to take him. This startles him, so he starts crying. I slap the lady’s arm away, and retreat back even further.)

Old Lady: *turning to manager* “Your employee assaulted me and kidnapped this child! Call the police!”

(She continued to try to grab my son, so I went to hide in the back room, where my manager stopped her from following me. She stood outside the back room doors for about ten minutes before the police showed up and took her away. My son was okay, but had a nasty bruise on his arm for about a week from her grabbing him!)