(My girlfriend and I decide to check out a higher-priced lingerie store, hoping they carry something we’ll like. We are both in our twenties, but never mention that we are together, so the employee might have assumed I’m just a friend, not necessarily her boyfriend.)

Employee: “Hi there. Are you looking for something in particular?”

Me: “Hi. We just wanted to look around, but we’re interested in regular bras. The type that isn’t lacy, just plain and hopefully with some kind of pattern or in some fancy color.”

Employee: “Um… I’m afraid we don’t really have this kind of bra. Why don’t you like lacy ones?”

Girlfriend: “Well, it’s just a preference. I like the non-lacy ones more.”

Me: “Me, too.”

(Some discussion and product examples later:)

Employee: “But, you know, the lacy ones are sexy and feminine. You would want to stay new and interesting for men.”

(We look at each other and I laugh nervously.)

Me: “Yeah. I guess we’re out of luck here. Thanks and bye.”

(This woman, herself in her twenties, could have come straight out of a 1950s-style commercial. My girlfriend and I still joke about it, like her saying, “But I want to stay interesting for men,” when she likes some new clothing item.)

(I get paged to speak to a customer who has a complaint about his service with another employee. When I get there, the customer is red-faced, furious, and barely keeping his voice down as he complains to the employee who contacted me. As soon as I introduce myself, he lays into me, shaking his shopping bag in my face the whole time.)

Customer: “I was over in menswear, buying a belt. And the girl at the checkout was so horrible. She wasn’t smiling! So, I said she should smile. And she didn’t smile. So, I told her to smile. And she wouldn’t smile. And I said I wasn’t leaving until she gave me a smile. And the next customer in line got angry. So, I left. But she didn’t smile the whole time.”

Me: “Was everything rung in correctly? Was she professional?”

Customer: “Yes, but she didn’t smile for me! A girl can’t be friendly if she doesn’t smile!”

Me: “Sir, as far as I can tell, my employee didn’t do anything wrong. She is not required to smile on command.”

Customer: “You have to smile if someone tells you to smile!”

Me: “Would you smile right now if I asked you to?”

Customer: “No! But I don’t feel like smiling; I’m angry.”

Me: “And she has her reasons, too, I’m sure.”

(He stormed out of the store, and I heard he later contacted corporate complaining about both me and my employee. The funny thing is, that employee was on her first day back from having all four wisdom teeth removed. Between pain and swelling, I doubt she could have smiled if she wanted to, but I wasn’t about to tell the customer that. Her medical issues were none of the customer’s business, and customers don’t own my employees’ faces.)

(As I’m cashing out a customer she points out she has a reusable bag purchased from our store.)

Customer: “I want you to bag everything how I tell you, and hand each bag to me so I can put it inside the reusable bag I bought. Okay?”

Me: “Okay, no problem.”

Customer: “I want the milk double-bagged, and don’t forget to hand me it. Don’t turn the bag turner.”

Me: “All right, no problem.”

(She continues to order me through the whole transaction as she puts the plastic bags I hand her inside the reusable bag.)

Me: “Okay, your total will be $67.00.”

Customer: “Did you give me the bring-your-own-bag discount?”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t offer one.”

Customer: “Well, I want a discount. I brought my own bag; I’m saving the environment.”

Me: “I’m sorry, I cannot give you a discount that’s not there.”

Customer: “I WANT MY DISCOUNT!”

Manager: *comes up* “What’s wrong?”

Customer: “He won’t give me a discount for bringing my own bag!”

Manager: “We don’t offer one, plus from the looks of it he bagged everything.”

Customer: *throws money at my register* “I AM NOT COMING BACK EVER!”

(One of the few employees I get along with, an older black woman with two young children, is chatting with me one day during a break. At the end of the break, the manager on duty pulls me aside. Being the only person I truly get along with, we are always really casual with one another in our conversation, and having the same sense of humor, we don’t really hold back, though typically we talked outside of our workplace because of it. Our manager, a skinny white guy who looks like he is barely over eighteen, while well-meaning, is typically more or less a busybody.)

Manager: *sounding legitimately distressed* “You can’t say that to people.”

Me: “Say… what? I’m confused.” *scratching my head* “Were we too loud? We were outside and in the back like usual.”

Manager: “No, not that, you said, ‘People like you are tougher, anyway.’”

Me: *more confused*

Manager: “Listen, I won’t write you up, but you can’t use that kind of racially-motivated language.”

Me: “Racially-motivated? We were talking about her kids… and how seeing throw-up didn’t bother her the way it did me. I was… What?”

(If you’ve never seen a man so pasty white turn red from that kind of embarrassment before, it is truly a sight to see. Neither of us hated him for it, but she was sad she didn’t get to see him turn that red.)

(In our store we have a policy that you can’t return a certain item. This is regulated by law, but most customers do not believe this, for some reason. I have had some very uncomfortable encounters with customers over this, but this one takes the crown.)

Customer: “I would like to return these.” *she puts up the item that I am not allowed to take as a return, and a couple of other items that I can take*

Me: *friendly and apologetic* “These I cannot take; I am not allowed. I do apologize. But you can return these.”

Customer: “Ah, yes, I have heard that you guys are very difficult and that this store has bad customer service, but I decided to give you a chance. But now I know; I am never coming back here!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. The policy is, however, regulated by law, and I cannot accept a return on these. There is nothing I can do about it.”

(The customer goes on a rant on how stupid this is, how she is never coming back, and how bad the customer service is. I am quite used to these rants, because of the law, so I shut down and am now just nodding and smiling. The customer races around the store to find something to exchange her returnable items for, because she does not want store credit. Meanwhile, I’m doing some tidying, and putting items back on the shelves, while humming a tune to myself. The store is very small and the customer hears my humming.)

Customer: *wild-eyed* “How can you HUM when I am upset?!”

Me: *shocked* “I’m sorry, what?”

Customer: “Even YOU should understand that you can’t hum when a customer is in the store and upset! YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, DON’T YOU?!”

Me: “I’m so sorry; I always hum. I really did not mean to offend you in any way!”

Customer: “I’m going to write a complaint to the store, telling your boss that you treated me VERY badly! This is not the last you are hearing of this! It is so incredibly rude TO HUM WHILE A CUSTOMER IS UPSET!”

Me: “Please calm down. There is nothing I can do. I am not allowed to return the item, by law. I did not mean to offend you by humming. I always hum.”

Customer: “Give me store credit; I can’t find anything here to buy.” *she studies the note with the store credit to get my name* “Oh, so it’s [My Name]? You will hear about this!”

Me: *a little frustrated that she is going to complain about me personally to my boss over something that I could not do anything about by law* “I’m so sorry. I don’t understand why you are so upset by me humming.”

Customer: *as she storms out* “NO, YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND!”

(Well… I have not heard anything about any complaint, nor have I stopped humming.)