(The store I work at sells a particular European brand that is sold in several countries. The brand prints their own price tag with the prices for each country, in that country’s currency, listed beside a small picture of the country’s flag. I regularly have to show customers which price is accurate to Canada, but this one was my favourite.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I can’t find a price on here.”

Me: “Oh, yes, I know it’s confusing. It’s the price beside the Canadian flag, here at the bottom.”

Customer: “Oh, I don’t think that’s right. See, this price here is cheaper. I think it should be this one.” *points to the British price, which is the lowest number on the tag*

Me: “I’m afraid that isn’t how it works, ma’am. This brand sells internationally, so they print the prices in different currencies. That price is in British pounds, so the cost is actually roughly the same.”

Customer: *stares blankly* “But this price is lower.”

Me: “Well, the British Pound is actually worth almost twice what the Canadian Dollar is, so while it looks like it costs less, the rate of exchange would put the prices almost equal. Regardless, the Canadian price is the one listed beside the Canadian flag, and we can’t sell it for anything else.”

Customer: “But this price is cheaper. I want this price.”

Me: *internal sigh*

(Eventually I just directed her to a similar shirt from a different brand that only had one price on it, which she bought. That shirt happened to cost $10 more than the Canadian price on the other shirt.)

(I have been called to the office of a recently appointed manager. She has been with the department for about a month.)

Manager: “This is a disciplinary for the downright unacceptable behaviour witnessed on your last shift.”

Me: “What unacceptable behaviour?”

Manager: “Regarding [Coworker].”

Me: “Well, he hasn’t told me!”

Manager: “I can understand why. Homophobia will not be tolerated in this organisation. Openly humiliating him in front of everyone for his sexual preference. I expected more from you.”

Me: “I have no idea what you’re talking about. I’d rather talk to [Coworker].”

Manager: “I have made arrangements that you and he will no longer be working together.”

Me: “Whatever. I’ll speak to him after work.”

Manager: “Then I will make arrangements for his husband to pick him up directly. I know him personally.”

Me: “You mean my husband’s husband?”

Manager: “Yes, your husband’s… husband?”

Me: “Yes, [Coworker] is my husband.”

Manager: “But, he’s bisexual!”

Me: “True.”

Manager: “But, you’re a woman!”

Me: “Equally true.”

Manager: “But he’s gay!”

Me: “I thought we just agreed he was bisexual.”

Manager: “But, bisexuals aren’t real. They’re just pretending to be more normal.”

Me: *standing up and heading for the door* “Well, I can assure you they are real, and my husband is one!”

(I called HR about the whole thing and the manager actually confirmed it. She was sent on equal opportunity training but it hasn’t done a single bit of difference. In fact, it seems to have inspired her to out my husband as gay. Every time she’s caught meddling she’s either sent for more training or put on probation. I don’t think she is going to last much longer.)

(In class we got on the topic of the Northeast Blackout in 2003.)

Professor: “I was working in [Large Retail Store] at the time. We sold generators for way more than they cost, and we pocketed the cash.”

(The bakery department in my store closed earlier than usual today. Since I work in the next department over, a customer asks if I know of anyone who can answer a question for her. I know very well that I don’t know the first thing about that department, so I tell her to wait by bakery as I get on the phone and call for the manager.)

Manager: “Well, have you tried helping the customer? How about trying that?”

Me: “Well, I’d be glad to, but the issue is I don’t know anything about bakery, so I’d rather ask for someone who knows the area first.”

(The manager hangs up, so I realize that I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and hope I can produce the answer somehow.)

Me: “All right, looks like I’m the one helping you today! I just ask that you bear with me, because I don’t really know this department very well, but I’ll certainly do my best! How can I help you?”

Customer: “This cake on display here, without a price tag, how much is it?”

(Sure enough, I haven’t the foggiest clue. However, after a moment of thinking, I head into the back room and start flipping through all the books stored back there. Finally, after a fairly large amount of time for so simple a question, I find the order guide and then the page with the picture of the exact cake the customer wants. I walk back out and tell the customer the price. The customer walks away thanking me for my help. The following day, the manager calls me over.)

Manager: “I’m writing you up for yesterday.”

Me: “Excuse me?”

Manager: “I shouldn’t have had to tell you to help that customer.”

Me: “Okay, hold on. I had no problem attempting to help that customer, or any customer; I just figured it would be wiser to ask someone who knows the area to help the customer. What I was trying to avoid was me either being completely unable to help her or taking a much longer time to answer her question that it should take, which is what happened. Either one risks leaving an odd impression of our customer service on the customer, so to me, it was just better to try and direct her to someone more knowledgeable. Once I knew that no such person was available, I had no issue trying to help her. I thought quickly and ended up finding the answer she needed, so overall, I think I handled that situation as best as possible without any prior training in that area.”

Manager: “But I shouldn’t have had to tell you to help the customer!”

Me: “If you want me to always first try to help the customer before asking for assistance, that’s fine. However, this is a training issue, not a disciplinary issue. Four write ups in this store and you’re terminated. Do you really think that the act of being uncertain in an area I’ve never worked or trained for is so terrible that it should go on a list of reasons I should be fired?”

Manager: “It doesn’t matter. I’m tired of my side of the store getting the lowest customer service scores, so I’m not playing around anymore! If anyone’s customer service is not TOP notch, you get a write up! That’s it!”

Me: “And I don’t hold that viewpoint against you. What I’m saying is that there’s a difference between being incompetent and not having the training. If the employee never had the opportunity to first gain the knowledge, how can you then punish them for not having it?”

Manager: “Look, if you want to challenge this, take it up with the store manager.”

(I did just that. The store manager said that while I didn’t actually do anything wrong, the write up would still stay on my record.)

(I’m standing at our service desk doing some paperwork when two customers approach me regarding a price check. I say “Sure!” and scan the item for them, then tell them the price.)

Customer: “Sir, you don’t have to be so sarcastic with me.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “You shouldn’t take that kind of tone with customers, especially not ones that spend as much as I do here.”

(For the record I’ve worked full-time here for seven years and have never seen her before.)

Me: “I don’t understand, ma’am. I merely scanned the item for you and told you the price; I don’t see how I was rude or disrespectful.”

Customer: “See? There it is again! You have such a snarky tone to what you’re saying!”

(Then it dawns on me…)

Me: “Ma’am, I apologize, but I have Asperger’s syndrome. It’s a neurological disorder and part of it affects my speech.”

Customer: “As-what?” *she smiles at me wide-eyed, then looks at her companion, who also smiles, like it’s all a big joke*

Me: “As-per-ger’s syndrome.”

(I am now getting uncomfortable, I normally try to hide my condition at all costs. People misunderstand and assume all kinds of things. I even once had a boss almost let me go because he thought it was the same as Alzheimer’s and assumed I would gradually lose my memory.)

Customer: *giving me a sceptical look* “Yeah… well, you should probably get that taken care of, because someone could really misunderstand and think you’re talking that way on purpose.”

Me: *getting angry that she would suggest it’s just as simple as taking a pill or getting a shot* “I wish it were that simple, ma’am, but there’s no cure for it. It’s something I’ll deal with my whole life. I’m sorry that it inconvenienced you.”

(With that they walk away. She’s barely five feet from me when I hear her tell her friend: Well, that’s what we get with equal opportunity employers!)